Legal advice. Can she do this?

[bus boy]

In my postings I've indicated the never ending parental/ custody issues I experience. If every single thing isn't spelled out in 100% clarity, she will not budge and refuse my every request. The judge is getting tired of seeing us in court. The judge says, we have to work out issues out like adults. I think she gets the impression it's 2 bitter adults, spiting each other. It would be easier to draw up a free trade agreement than to draw up a family court order that my ex couldn't manuplate. On Friday I looked into s9's day camp schedule, ex wife is suppose to tell me these things but again the order doesn't specifically say day camp although it is pretty clear all events in s9's life. With 2 normal parents the wording would be understood and worked with like adults. In my looking into the schedule, I learned that she named someone else as the parent/ legal guardian to contact in case of emergency and they can't get her. I work 2 minutes from s9's day camp, I am clearly named on the court order as s9's father, it clearly states we have joint custody. So how is what she done going to look in court? The day camp would not give me a copy of the registration form but my lawyer told the recreation office we will require a copy of the form for court.

[ForeverDad]

Is it possible the day camp will let her fill out another registration form?  Just in case that's what is handed over... .

Provide solutions to the court.  Yes, it may all on deaf ears, but could this work?

"Your Honor, you may be frustrated with us that we keep returning to court.  I am too, I'd rather be spending my time and my fianncial resources on my son.  I'm sorry for our return but it's because my son's mother doesn't see me as having any authority as father and that she's entitled to do whatever she wishes to advantage her parenting and sabotage my parenting.  I have new examples of her actions to present to the court today.  Sadly, this will continue if the order isn't improved significantly.  I ask that we try one more time to tweak our joint custody.  First, I will have Decision Making or Tie Breaker status.  My decisions would be reasonable and practical and court wouldn't see us as often.  Second, I will become Residential Parent.  Third, I will have at least 50% parenting.  I'm sure the results over the next decade will demonstrate that I can share whereas she can't or won't."

[bus boy]

Thanks ForeverDad, that is how I will present it to the judge. Great advice. With court coming up, I will probably be on here more, looking for advice. The lady in family court office tells me this is the most unique case they ever had.

[Concerns]

I'd like to jump in. What is a Residential Parent? Is this a semantic thing? Are we talking about a Custodial Parent?
I have a general question.
Why should a BPD parent have custody at all?
I know the court is interested in both parents having a relationship with the children.
But these are mentally ill people. I know this is a matter of degree, some are worse than other but I'm starting to think that mental illness is a neither here nor there for court. Unless there is some immediate danger.

[ForeverDad]

RP is also phrased as Residential Parent for School Purposes.  The children would attend school in the RP's district or area.  For example, if the RP should decide to move away, the other parent could contest this to the court when the Move Notice is sent, but unless the court agreed to set limits, the RP could move away and if a distance away then the other parent would have to follow or perhaps end up with less frequent visitation.

In my case the temp order during our separation and divorce lasted 2 years and my stbEx had a pattern of obstructing my parenting.  The court's Parenting Investigation report and the Custody Evaluation report both favored me getting more than the alternate weekends I was stuck with.  So on Trial Morning when she said she was finally ready to settle, it was a given that we would attempt Shared Parenting (it failed of course but that what the professionals wanted to try) with a equal time schedule.  I stated I had one primary term:  I would be Residential Parent.  She begged and even cried but I held firm. By that point I wasn't willing to give in, I said, "That's my terms for settlement.  Otherwise, let's start the trial."  I walked out as RP in the Final Decree.

The lawyers had both insisted it didn't mean anything.  Technically, it didn't, but effectively it did.  Her school agreed to let our son stay for the final 2 months of the school year.  But after one particularly vocal scene between the principal and mother, I was told the school board denied my Open Enrollment application.  I was given one day to get him registered for kindergarten in my district.  Imagine if I wasn't RP, her school would have been stuck with her.

[FamilyLaw]

Some states don't use the term "Residential Parent for school purposes."  For example, in my state we no longer use the term "custody."  We use "legal decision making authority" (i.e. how do we make decisions about school, medical and religion) and "parenting time."  We used to use "legal custody" and "physical custody."

So its important to learn which labels work for your jurisdiction and what exactly they cover.  Oftentimes the supreme court of a state or the bar association will have some definitions for you.  If you can't find that, sometimes lawyers in your jurisdiction will have articles or blogs on their website that explain the law in your state.  Just make sure you are looking at the right state -- things differ widely from state to state.

As to the bigger question, my experience is that most judges get cranky when they see one parent edging out the other parent, such as not including both parents on emergency forms at school.  So don't think you shouldn't bring it up to the judge.  Frankly, if there was a medical emergency you would need to know about it, so something little like that form could have larger consequences.

[Concerns]

In my state, they differentiate between legal and physical custody. So far, I haven't seen the term ForeverDad had mentioned.
It seems like the courts want to lean towards equal parenting. If you are trying to be reasonable with someone who is mentally ill then aren't you undermining your own judgement by trying to give responsibility to someone who has difficulty with responsibility yet will claim to be perfectly responsible on the issue of raising a child?