Crazy making

[uniquename]

A lot of my therapy sessions focus on T convincing me I'm not crazy too. I'm healthier than he is. I feel guilty and his blaming and crazy-making is why I feel this way but it's not real. But I'm wondering if I'm trying to prove him right.

I got arrested yesterday. While it's likely the charges will be dismissed or I'll just get a slap on the wrist and be expunged, there are lots of potential repurcussions. I work two jobs and it could affect both negatively. I could even lose one or both. While many people are supportive, I've also embarrassed myself and my daughter.

I found out two days ago I may have cancer but definitely need surgery. It was the first time I've ever had general anesthesia. I need to schedule the surgery but was busy dealing with the incident yesterday.

Therapy appointment this morning. uBPDh contacting me several times yesterday about the very public arrest (we supposedly agree to LC but he has yet to comply). I didn't respond.

I'm worried. In my head, at the time, getting arrested seemed a rational, principled stand. But after I was home from processing for a couple hours, it felt like self-destruction. It felt like I'm trying to prove he's right - I'm the crazy one.

I'm feeling scared and alone. I've been reading Stop Caretaking this weekend. So on the mark it also freaked me out. Why isn't Caretaking a personality disorder? It seems we fit expected disordered patterns.

I had so many people yesterday supporting me and asking if I'm ok (and slandering and suggesting I am worlds worst... .). But the first ones were the hard ones. Would you feel this way if you knew the whole story? Maybe it wasn't a brave stance but a cry for help?

Thanks for listening.

[formflier]

   

There is a lot here to deal with.  What can you do to be kind to yourself today AND to continue to reflect on how you feel about all this?

 
I'm going to steal a line that Baby Ducks used to use when there were multiple issues on the table.

Break things up and put them in their own buckets.  Deal with one bucket at a time

Cancer/surgery.  Put it in bucket and from time to time, focus on and deal with that.  What are to do items to move forward on this issue?  (write them down and then put that piece of paper away, from time to time, pull it out and work off the issues.

Arrest.  If you want, you can start a separate thread and post the story, we can give opinions.  It's been done, you need to know the process to deal with this.  Locate and retain an attorney for this matter.  Remember, you have privilege with an attorney, be honest... tell him everything.  Let him decide what information to discard, vice self censoring yourself.

BPD.

 

I feel guilty and his blaming and crazy-making is why I feel this way but it's not real.

Boundaries:  Where can you tighten up boundaries so as not to participate or know about his crazy making.  I 100% agree that HIS crazymaking is affecting YOU.  You get to decide if you are going to participate in it.

Again... .there is a lot here.  Your thoughts and emotions are understandable and normal.  Get done, what you can get done today.  Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.

It won't be easy, but you can do this.

FF

[Mutt]

Hi uniquename,



I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I'd like to echo  Formflier, have you retained a lawyer? We have a legal board, we're not lawyers but the members have experience with the legal system, but talking to a lawyer will give you an idea of what you're up against, it may help with re-assurance with your jobs.

You can look in the phone book for a lawyer and make some calls, most lawyers will give you a free consultation , write down your questions before making the call so that you're prepared and don't forget something important.

It felt like I'm trying to prove he's right - I'm the crazy one.

I'm feeling scared and alone. I've been reading Stop Caretaking this weekend. So on the mark it also freaked me out. Why isn't Caretaking a personality disorder? It seems we fit expected disordered patterns.

Let's take a look at this from another angle? Caretakers have positive qualities, we have compassionate people  with caretaking qualities like doctors, nurses, policemen They're good qualities, you can use them differently, like volunteering your time with helping others. I would feel a lot of stress if I was arrested and it may affect my employment, give yourself a break and don"t be hard on yourself.

Therapy appointment this morning. uBPDh contacting me several times yesterday about the very public arrest (we supposedly agree to LC but he has yet to comply). I didn't respond

I would frustrated if the pwBPD in my life was not respecting my boundaries. I'd like to echo  Formflier, we put boundaries on ourselves, we can't control the actions of others, we can only control our own, if uBPDh does X, then I respond with Y. It'll take time but if you keep doing what you're doing now, you'll see that eventually your uBPDh is going to understand that you're not going to respond in low contact. Hang in there.

[uniquename]

I have a lawyer thanks. Hoping it works out.

UBPDh threatened to come home again tomorrow. Then came home tonight. Brought sheriff deputies to let him in. We left. He started texting me that he was destroying everything in the house. I called 911 and the deputies went out and said he hadn't destroyed
anything. I tried to get an emergency protective order but no dice. I'm so done.

[formflier]

bI tried to get an emergency protective order but no dice. 

Get a lawyer involved in this.  Show him the communications.

FF