Finally a confession but meant to hurt

[FallBack!Monster]

 . Long story short, I was JUST another replacement. She recycles her child's father every so often. According to her, they are both disordered. She has even married after him but he's the come back guy. She said they have a special connection. I guess so . Says he understands her needs better than anyone else bc of the disorder.  Apparently, my gut feelings were not wrong. She stays over to him or he to her. That's why the constant so called trips. Says she got her big happy family back together.  But bc they have the same disordered mind, they sort of have an open relrelationship. This is the ex she talks bad about. Small thing, cheated a lot, no money, and what not. Then in the same breath says... .you and I had a special connection, she I want to be your friend.  . says... .I like the way you made me feel blah blah blah. I was speechless. I played it cool. Wasn't surprised. Was just stuck like looking into the cold eyes of a sociopath. No feelings at all. That's just what she does. I was always way too good for her.  Im not sure if the feelings I'm feeling will be there from this point forward. But I sure hope so. We were supposed to be friends. I'm done. She scared me, in a way.  . Smelled bad.

I said nothing  much. Let her do all the talking. Then said okay thanks for telling me and walked away with my nose up in the air. I had not seen her in a long time. She looked so different. No love lost. It wasn't even real. But now my curiosity is dead.  I was NEVER wrong.  Yes!

[Notwendy]

It is good that you have some closure and can start to heal. However, this isn't the ending for you, but the beginning of some personal work to recover from the dysfunctional relationship style.


Although you may wonder why your ex chooses to be with someone more dysfunctional than you are, the attraction between people in part occurs when there is a match between emotional maturity. The dysfunctional relationship between two people can have an addictive quality. The push /pull can be part of it. This high drama- the back and forth of the relationship is actually part of the relationship.

You may be right about her, and be done with her, but you take yourself wherever you go. I have read that if someone doesn't take the time to process a relationship, see their part in the dysfunction, and make personal changes, they risk entering a next relationship with similar issues. Something about you, and your ex "matched".

There's a difference between a relationship with a BPD person being over, and not being in a dysfunctional relationship. The difference is- dealing with our own dysfunction.  I hope you will consider doing this work- through therapy, or 12 step group, and the resources on this board so that the next relationship is happier for you.

[FallBack!Monster]

It is good that you have some closure and can start to heal. However, this isn't the ending for you, but the beginning of some personal work to recover from the dysfunctional relationship style.

Although you may wonder why your ex chooses to be with someone more dysfunctional than you are, the attraction between people in part occurs when there is a match between emotional maturity. The dysfunctional relationship between two people can have an addictive quality. The push /pull can be part of it. This high drama- the back and forth of the relationship is actually part of the relationship.

You may be right about her, and be done with her, but you take yourself wherever you go. I have read that if someone doesn't take the time to process a relationship, see their part in the dysfunction, and make personal changes, they risk entering a next relationship with similar issues. Something about you, and your ex "matched".

There's a difference between a relationship with a BPD person being over, and not being in a dysfunctional relationship. The difference is- dealing with our own dysfunction.  I hope you will consider doing this work- through therapy, or 12 step group, and the resources on this board so that the next relationship is happier for you.

You are absolutely correct about everything you've said here. And bc of and after this ordeal, I have been looking into my part in it. Problem is, I didn't know but I compare her behavior to that of someone close and part of my upbringing. Very very similar. In fact, this was the worst, in terms of r/s of any sort but  certainly not the only one in my life. In short, w/o knowledge and then later unwilling to accept my fault's, I was condition for this. Not my fault at all. Not something I did to me but Steady working on it. Thanks!

Admittance... .Even after having knowledge of this creature, I purposely lend myself out as supply. Could give a 100 explanations to myself but most wld probably not make any sense. Except for, testing my own strength and probably more hopeful for a more gratifying ending. But that outlook have since changed. Not from one day to another. This comes from months of working on me. My posts here might not confirm it but I'm always on the job (self improvement). My motto... .You can hurt me but you can't break me. The job of breaking me was successfully but not purposely filled.

Once you're all the way down, only one other  dirrection to go if you decide to get up.  

I came to this site, to observe, absorb, and educate. Hope someone gets something out of my words. Even if it's the harsh truth.

[Notwendy]

I think it's important to look at ourselves - but not beat ourselves up. Many of us- myself included- have issues from our FOO to deal with, but I hope we can look at those aspects without blame- but with hope.

I went into MC with a list of grievances in my relationship and it felt really uncomfortable to have the mirror turned on me. It felt punitive- but it wasn't. I think many of us tend to be self critical enough.

But it turned out to be beneficial in the long run because we can make personal changes.

You didn't do anything "wrong" by falling in love with someone. What a gift to be a loving person. There are no prefect people or perfect relationships. But we can learn skills to improve ours.

[FallBack!Monster]

I think it's important to look at ourselves - but not beat ourselves up. Many of us- myself included- have issues from our FOO to deal with, but I hope we can look at those aspects without blame- but with hope.

I went into MC with a list of grievances in my relationship and it felt really uncomfortable to have the mirror turned on me. It felt punitive- but it wasn't. I think many of us tend to be self critical enough.

But it turned out to be beneficial in the long run because we can make personal changes.

You didn't do anything "wrong" by falling in love with someone. What a gift to be a loving person. There are no prefect people or perfect relationships. But we can learn skills to improve ours.

I know there's nothing wrong with being a loving person. Nothing wrong with given sharing love. There's one thing I can say I did wrong. But that's that. I don't blame myself. And I also don't care what she does with herself or her body.

I cared about the wrong things and that's why I ended up here. However, I think I'm in a good place now. Better understanding of me and my sensitivities. She poked at them and broke me down. Time to focus on those things not the  r/s that never was.

[Notwendy]

Sounds like you are in a good place right now, and ready to move on.

[FallBack!Monster]

Sounds like you are in a good place right now, and ready to move on.

Maybe not important but when you say ready to move on I can't help but to wonder if you mean it in the BPD person sense of the way or something else? I agree and I know I have grown past the FOG. But what did you mean? 

Because Im still not ready to date.