RTC Longer Home Visits/Sibling Rivalry

[Bright Day Mom]

Hello Everyone,

I have a question for all you fellow RTC experienced parents. 

How did you deal with extended home stays and sibling rivalry?  I'm seeing a pattern for probably the last 3 weeks that when my 16 DD comes home for long weekend visit she and her sister (20) get into a shouting match thus challenging me in my communication / validation / empathy skills and nearly ruining a great visit! 

I have tried going out as a family and it goes well, but the minute they go out to do something together, boom... .all H*** breaks loose. 

Any suggestions?

Have a Bright Day!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

When my d had her home visit it was over the Christmas holiday... .6 days if I recall correctly.  We were advised not to allow her to go off without either her Dad or I.  Without someone there to hold her accountable for using the skills she was learning or accountable for making good choices trouble could be close by.

She did not graduate from the program until March of the following year so she was not really ready to handle much freedom. 

lbj

[wendydarling]

Hi Bright Day

Following up Lbj'  , I wonder how your 20 year old daughter understands her sister's road and to recovery as you do. Are you sharing your learning consistently with your elder daughter, to empower her to help her sister and herself?

Small steps, in the moment, are magic.

Wdx

[Bright Day Mom]

LBJ and WD, Thanks for your replies.  Things had been going well for the past month or so and then over the course of a couple of weeks started to get heated between them. After talking with her social worker, we are taking a step back and you got it, unless Dad and I are there, they aren't going out.  The social worker also wants them to spend time together here at our house (even if it just an hr), doing something fun: swim in the pool, train the new puppy, re-decorate her room, etc.

WD, I've been educating both hubby and sister non-stop... .actually it may be a little too much.  I've referred both of them to this site and recommended the tools, lessons.  We've all been participating in weekly family sessions RTC and have come such a long way! 

We're just going to have to keep plugging along, one foot in front of the other.

BTW, yesterday's meeting brought great news... .tentative discharge date 10/7, which is nearly a month earlier than originally projected.  We'll see how it goes, she's on gold level now and these dates have changed by some that have gone before her. I pray she continues in the right direction as this has been an unforgettable/challenging year!

[lbjnltx]

Good news indeed!  It is common for students to regress a little as discharge looms near... .fear of failure, fear of the pressures of the "real world", missing the routine/friends/staff/therapist support... .just normal fear.  My d needed a lot of reassurance and support over the last few months.

She cried because she didn't want to leave the safety, support, and fellowship of the RTC.  It told me I chose well and that she was fully invested in the program and her peers.

It's part of the process. 

[Bright Day Mom]

LB, I think we too are a bit hesitant with discharge.  It's amazing how fast the months (nearly 7) have past.  We have a team meeting scheduled for Tuesday to get started on discharge services.  Any words of wisdom?

[lbjnltx]

Lots of continued support from her individual and group therapists from the RTC by phone or Skype as she reintegrates into the home and society.

Is her home therapist up to date on her progress, what she has learned at the RTC and the accountability tools used?  Need lots of info sharing between RTC and home therapists.

Go over priorities with your d while in family therapy... .write them down and print them out to post at home... .visual reminders.

Work on the Home Contract... .RTC probably already has this in the works, most RTC's do this.

Agree on a slow integration back into her home life before she comes home.  This will set her up for success, too much too soon can set her up to fail.

lbj

[Bright Day Mom]

Thanks LBJ for the advice.  You were right on target!  The staff already had the beginning of a discharge plan and we began talking about in-home services, support, etc. Also started brain storming for outside activities for D and maybe even myself to participate in.  One good aspect is my D attends a therapeutic high school, so she will have the same social worker from last year at school

Tentative date is 10/7... .we'll see how it goes, they wanted to ease into the process to alleviate as much stress as possible.