Typical to the Very End.

[formflier]

 

I know you have a  lot on your plate. 

Is there a friend (not family)... .that can come stay a few days, or do some tag team with your family?

Can you call your Dr on Monday and tell him about your sleeping and eating.  I'm assuming it is not much better.

Note:  I did the sleep call thing once (after the CPS incident).  Psychologist and Dr conferred and said that if I wasn't sleeping more than x hours per night by a certain date... .they would medicate me. 

The day prior... .I started to sleep better.

I'm not sure if you have any other med conditions... .but... .you want someone else to help you coordinate that and make decisions when you can.

I think this will be ok.  You are talking to lawyer and letting her handle it. 

This is a "tactical battle" (stuff) that you need to end so you can win the war (get the divorce).

"Retiring" from battle is much different than surrender.  The smart "fighters" know when to not fight. 

"Stuff" is not worth delaying the divorce.

FF

[Verbena]

FF:
A friend from out of state may be coming soon. 

I am actually sleeping much better, but I continue to have ups and downs with crying and panicky feelings.  I have a friend who is a certified counseler that I called today when that happened.  I can call her any time time, day or night.  I plan to start Divorce Care WEdnesday. 

My attorney told me Friday that the fact that my husband got his own attorney at almost the last minute WILL slow down the divorce being finalized.  Tomorrow is the 61st day since I filed.  She told me Thursday that she had the decree basically ready to go when H's attorney contacted her with his claims and created so much confusion. 

I just had NO IDEA of what staying in this marriage for nearly 34 years had done to me.  I think I am getting out just in time. 

[Ceruleanblue]

I keep telling myself that we have to get through the bad place, to get to the good place. Somehow, it helps me. I know things stink right now, but,  "this too shall pass". We are capable of being happy, and we both have faith that God wants us happy.

I think your husband, and my husband are having serious issues with losing control, and they are struggling to maintain the feeling of having "some" control, even if it's by causing delays, or in my case lobbing yet more threats(way after I've said I'll grant him that divorce he's been threatening for years). The old tactics aren't working, and they are grabbing at straws.

You are further along, but we are going down a similar path. I look forward to no more silent treatment, no more being mocked and belittled, and no more living in fear. No more remaking myself to please someone that can't be pleased. No more constant blame, while he takes zero responsibility. No more rage face, and intimidation. No more hypocrisy.

I think what you are feeling is pretty textbook, and I went through it when he walked out last year, and I'd bet I'll have it to some degree when I finally leave. I'm sure it's PTSD, and also withdrawal. I too struggle with feeling I hate him at times. I have empathy for him, but I hate the cruel man he chooses to be so often. I didn't marry him to be abused, and he's about to find that out. Neither of us deserved all this, and if their lives are in shambles, they should look in the mirror. They sure aren't too worried about the mess they've left us in(and we are only going to be a temporary mess, unlike them. We'll bounce back!)

Chin up, and I'll do the same.

[Grey Kitty]

It has been another week since it was "supposed" to be done.

What's happening now?

And how are you feeling about it? You sounded really distraught for a while there. It should be a very emotional time... .and further, now that he's out of the house (mostly!), the space is safe for you to actually experience or express your own emotions, so they could come out a lot louder than before.

[Verbena]

Everything came to a head last Thursday.  

My daughter called her dad that morning and told him to stop wasting his money and mine trying to get his lawyer to prove something that wasn't true.  She told him she did not appreciate him living in her house under the pretense of needing a place to stay while he looked for a house to buy while claiming I had ruined his credit and that his name was on my loan.  Her dad told her that he had proof he was on the loan.

Minutes later, my son-in-law called H and told him basically the same thing.  SIL said that he and my daughter had both seen my loan papers (they had asked to see them and I showed them) and that they both knew this was untrue.  H said he would like to see proof of this.  I guess he forgot he had just told my daughter that he HAD proof.  He also must have forgotten that while I was signing the loan papers at the closing, he asked the closer if he was responsible for paying the loan back and that she told him no.  

A few hours later, my daughter called her dad and told him that they all needed to sit down that night and talk about what was really going on with this claim that he was on my loan and also about him finding a place to live.  Suddenly, H said that he now realized he was not on my loan,  that there was nothing to talk about, and that he would proceed to look for a place to live.  Magically, his credit (that I had ruined) was just fine.  

They were both so exhausted from dealing with all this mess and from his attitude in general in their home that they just let things ride for awhile.  

Friday morning, H showed up with his movers to haul away the last (at least I hope) of his crap.  He stood in the street while this happened.  I had a friend here to watch my grandson and answer any questions the movers had.  All the stuff was in the garage and shop, so no one came into the house.  I had planned to be gone before movers arrived but failed to leave soon enough.  As I was pulling out of the driveway, I saw H standing there and had a small panic attack.  My hands were shaking and my heart began to race.  I didn't mean to, but I punched the gas as I drove past him. 

Over the weekend, my daughter insisted that he look at houses, which he did apparently, but then last night there was another blow-up when H claimed he just didn't have time to be looking at houses all the time.  He ended up packing a bag and leaving without a word.  

H is now all about getting this divorce done and to that I say, "Hallelujah."  My attorney says she and I will be standing before a judge within a week.  

H was one crappy house guest apparently, but now he's all alone with his misery in a hotel room where I guess he can play his games with himself.  

No accountability with me over the destruction he caused in our marriage, no accountability with his daughter and son-in-law over his lies and manipulation, and no remorse for the chaos he caused in their home.  

I am enjoying him not being here and trying to get back into a routine.    I'm feeling better every day.  Our 34th anniversary is this Sunday. 

[Cat Familiar]

Well, you won't have to buy him an anniversary present!