Only the 2nd week at college...not looking good

[javieira]

Just as I had feared would happen, my D left for freshman year of college on 8/24 and by 8/29, had already landed herself on disciplinary probation with the university. She got sh!t-faced drunk at a frat party, came back to the dorm, and passed out on her floor.  Her roommate tried to wake her, alarmed at seeing her on the floor, and D cursed at her and took a swing at her.  The roommate didn't know what to do, so she got the RA. Of course the RA saw that D was plastered and referred her to the discipline committee.  She was ordered to take a class on alcohol abuse (which she has to pay for), pay a fine to the university, and was placed on probation by the school. Of course she blames this all on her roommate for "overreacting" and takes no responsibility for her actions. She has already moved to another dorm room with another girl who is "cooler" (read: likes to party). I will be surprised if she makes it through the semester.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

I am sorry your D is finding trouble this early into the school year.  Maybe she will learn by this?  Having to pay a fine and class may wake her up. Hopefully she will take the probation seriously.  If not, you sound prepared for her not lasting the semester. For her sake, I hope she gets it together; only time will tell.  You have done all you can, now it's up to her.

[Lifenow]

javieira -

If it makes you feel any better, my non BPD son went off to a good small college complete with athletic scholarship and although he is not a drinker (which did not mesh well with the team) he managed to find a girlfriend in the first two days and she... .wait for it... .MOVED IN WITH HIM AND HIS ROOMMATE on the third day of school.

Who does that?

We didn't find out until a month later, when I went for parent's weekend. I tried to be open minded, but gently urge him to let her go back to her own room. She not only refused, she wrote to me to tell me that "I was a meddling over bearing helicopter parent and he needed to live his own life".

Well of course his roommate moved out, his grades tanked and he never saw the field. Besides constant sex, there was also constant gaming.

We gave him the chance to improve over the second semester by breaking up with this needy girl and getting to his academics. Nope.

So when he came home for the summer we said... .um no more. Here's the deal. If you want to go to college, you have to earn enough to pay for a semester, then if you have a good grade point average we will LOAN you the money for the second semester.

It will take you a year to earn the money. You can live at home, but you have to pay some expenses, and car insurance and gas.

He did. He is now back at school and we are hoping for the best, but we had to enforce a gap year.

We will see!