Just curious why my son's mother would say these things.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Anyone have a theory as to why my son's mother would say things so ridiculous and why she still wants to hurt me, why she just don't let go of her anger, resentment and get over our relationship.

You beat me. You raped me. You killed me.
Actually Satan did this all but...
(Bf) is not abusive, esp what you think it is he did.  You have done way worse and did u sit in jail? Not yet you haven't but you will when God says it's time especially if you keep harassing me.  See u Monday baby boy

[JerryRG]

Anyone have a theory as to why my son's mother would say things so ridiculous and why she still wants to hurt me, why she just don't let go of her anger, resentment and get over our relationship.

You beat me. You raped me. You killed me.
Actually Satan did this all but...
(Bf) is not abusive, esp what you think it is he did.  You have done way worse and did u sit in jail? Not yet you haven't but you will when God says it's time especially if you keep harassing me.  See u Monday baby boy

[fromheeltoheal]

Anyone have a theory as to why my son's mother would say things so ridiculous and why she still wants to hurt me, why she just don't let go of her anger, resentment and get over our relationship.

You know why Jerry, projection, splitting, black/white thinking, all the borderline tools.  The bigger question is why do you continue to listen to it?

[JerryRG]

I guess the reason I bring it up is because she's going to have our son tomorrow and I just keep thinking that she's dangerous or crazy.

If she hates me this bad what would she do to him to get back at me?

[fromheeltoheal]

Can you post this question on the Co-parenting board Jerry?  Folks there are in similar situations, sharing custody or at least communicating about children they have together, and you'll get some valuable insight as to how to deal with her and the situation.  Can you post there now?

[JerryRG]

Thank you fromheeltoheal

I will post questions about my son here. Thanks again, I'm a little nervous for my son. Hope she backs out again from taking him tomorrow.

[JerryRG]

Son's mother just sent a picture of a text message saying she's on her way to a town south of us, a larger hospital to get emergency help with her MRSA.

Says she's very ill, may need an ambulance.

I'm sure this is just more of the same behaviours she's always exhibited in the past.

I am relieved that our son will remain in my care.

[ForeverDad]

So much is exaggerated — or minimized.  Whatever matches her perceptions and her perspectives that reflect her current moods.  In this case she pushed your boundaries and you didn't cave so she may have told you her way to back out by blaming you or without losing face.  After all, facts don't matter and it's all your fault.

[bravhart1]

Did she send you these writings in a note, text?

Can you "prove" they came from her? She sounds way more disordered than BPD. She sounds a bit schizophrenic. Can you take these writings to a psychologist or psychiatrist and see if they will issue a letter stating the writer of these notes seems out of touch with reality and needs to be evaluated for their ability to determine real from unreal? Someone who can not be determined safe and sane and to be based in reality should NOT have any unsupervised access to children.

Best of luck!   

[JerryRG]

Yes bravhart1

I still have this email and it was her responce to me asking her to just discuss our son. This was also after she told me her bf was abusing her and she feared she would lose custody of our son.

What I shared here was a direct copy and paste of her original email.

Yes she gets psychotic at times, saying people are hiding microphones and cameras in her home.

[ForeverDad]

The longer you wonder what to do with this communication, the more 'stale' or aged (less 'actionable' it might become.  Somewhat similar to calling 911 and saying, "Last month... ." the response will be "Call back when it is an ongoing emergency."

Maybe nothing would come of it anyway but my point is that its potential value to the professionals, whatever that may be, will weaken the older it gets.  In my case the magistrate didn't want to hear anything about incidents older than six months, others here have written that mirrored their experiences too.  However, including older incidents are supposed to be helpful establishing patterns.

[JerryRG]

Thank you ForeverDad

I did show this email to the police, my pastors, exgfs pastors, her mother, I informed my lawyer and all my family. I believe everyone is so used to her outrageous behaviours that most have become numb to it.

I will keep pushing forward to insure the safety and well-being of my son.

I spoke to the exgfs pastor just a while ago and he said her and her bf are constantly fighting and that my son is caught in that chaos. He pointed out the instability and lack of structure in her life as well.

I have my son as often as she allows and I'm always willing to have him on her days as well.

I will call my lawyer if he doesn't call me soon, it's only been a week since seeing him last.

Thanks again ForeverDad

[JerryRG]

Had a great day

Talked to my sponsor and he was very encouraging and expressed his pleasure with my recovery and how far I've  progressed in just the last few months, especially my attitude about my son and my willingness and commitment to his well-being. My ability to deal with the stress of being a single father and with dealing with my sons disordered mother. He said I'm learning to deal with the stress and this allows me the energy to focus on raising my son and take care of myself.

Also spoke with my exgfs pastor, he told me the drama and fighting between my son's mother and her bf is escalating more and more. His belief is her unstructured lifestyle combined with the instability and the fighting, push/pull is not a good environment for my son to live in.

Very encouraging support from them and others and I'm pleased but I still want my son with me and safe. The pastor said it will happen and I need be patience. My lawyer will guide me too.

I hope everyone has a great night, praying for peace for all our children. Good night.

[bravhart1]

Jerry, I'm very glad you are making such good progress and that you are taking your sons welfare serious.

If I might suggest the next step here... .would be to involve someone who can actually do something about protecting your son. The pastors approval of you and disapproval of her is great. But he is not in any position to grant or take away custody.

Please involve someone on a court level. Some child protective agency, for example. Express your fears of such an imbalanced person being a care taker of a child. Find out what they suggest you do to limit her unsupervised access to your child. Your number one job here is protecting him from her illness. She cannot.
Based on the email alone, this must raise a red flag. Get someone in authority to look at a your sons situation.