Humans have empathy but animals have not

[amunt]

What about my ex, after just 5 months she is engaged and already pregnant  

I want to see my  replacement face when she will paint him black and take his child away from him,
i imagine police call's, be taken to court etc  

Topic split from: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=299104.0

[amunt]

They hurt only if they are alone , if they left you for a new "lover" they are not hurt.

Also they have not empathy , so dont expect to feel sorry for what they do to you

[Dutched]

I have seen your comments several times now and I see how deep you were hurt by the way you express your grieve, maybe better your anger.
You speak of ‘creatures’, ‘demon’, ‘take revenge’ or ‘no way pwPBD can stay in a r/s for so long, max is 2 yrs.’ etc.

Basically nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, as we all on this Board have been there or just started that long road (like you now).

Having said that, I would kindly ask you to open topics, ask questions for your healing, how to get through and past these (difficult) stages in order to get the answers of many great members.
The feedback you get is well worth it!
 

[amunt]

I have seen your comments several times now and I see how deep you were hurt by the way you express your grieve, maybe better your anger

You are wrong , i am not in grieve anymore and that's why i am free and angry because i see clear now.
It's 100% natural to be angry with people like them , humans have empathy but animals have not thats why i called them
that way.

First months during my grieving period i blamed myself, i had no anger toward my ex and totally idolize her.
I was the wrong, she was perfect , i lost her etc.
Do you want to know when my eyes opened and filled up with disgust and anger against these people?
In the funeral of our best mutual friend , she dont even show up ... .

Then i read post like this and be angry because i dont want people to suffer for sociopaths , to be angry and disgust against them
is the best way to thank God that you are not anymore part of their evil unhealthy nature

[Sadly]

They have a very serious mental illness. As serious as cancer is a physical illness. It's impossible to be angry with someone who has cancer. My mothers cancer brought me also terrible anger and sadness, but I was not angry with her just her disease,  how could I be. The same goes for my ex, his BPD has brought me awful anger , sadness and pain. His illness did that, I can separate the two. Please try, such anger and hatred is not good for your soul. x

[Dutched]

Amunt, my apologizes for assuming you’re grieving and still angry because of the break up.

For long time now I have been participating, reading devastating posts, seen the despare, the intense grieve, anger and all kind of questions how to heal and move on.

So I took the time to read back all your posts as I must have missed something you already provided in your posts.

Well, having done so, I have to thank you for giving me, within a few dozen posts, such a clear view of how I could or should be feeling and see things once I am free.

I am obviously still not in that stage of detachment in which I can see them as sociopaths, demons, creatures and evil.

So it fills me with joy to see a fellow member fully detached and being free in order to move on into a bright future after such an experience.

Good luck!

[Herodias]

amunt, I will only tell you that as you study personality disorders, you may discover there is a spectrum of behaviors and personalities that they can fall under. My ex has a strong sociopath tendency, but I actually read they can be part BPD and Anti-social. They are all different and our experiences are all different. I understand the anger- I was there too. This site is for people with partners having BPD... .if you study BPD, you will see in basic form, they are very childish and are very emotional. It doesn't seem that someone can be a sociopath at the same time, but apparently it is possible. Just remember, some people will have a different experience than you and don't see their partners as evil demons. I understand how you feel, because mine even called himself that very thing! This is a wonderful place to come for support, but just remember, people are not all the same and this group tend to side with compassion for both the pwBPD and the partners. I don't want you to feel frustrated by peoples responses. It is fine to be angry... .It is hard not to when someone is really awful to you. Mine told me he could manipulate me and manipulate others... .he gets a kick out of it. He is not a healthy person and will not ever be. They can slide from one life, into another with out thinking anything of it. As long as that person is feeding their ego and puts up with bad behavior, they "love" them.  If you were good to them, they will remember. They will even try and come back... .don't fall for it!  Just work on getting yourself strong. The more you understand that this person is disordered, the more you will see there is nothing you can do, but work on yourself so you never do this again. A healthy person doesn't replace one person with another that fast. It will not last... .you will see a pattern if you dare to watch... .You will get stronger, it is a slow process for us "nons"... .Don't believe the lie anymore... .He is not winning- you are! He has to pretend to be. If you think they are really happy just because of a photo, you need to look at some of yourself with him. With mine, I can remember all the horrible stuff that was happening when we took pictures with a smile. That's what they want- they want everyone to think they are normal and happy, but behind closed doors it is all different. I can't believe how much I put up with because I thought he loved me - it's embarrassing. It really is... .Some of them are evil... .Work on you or if it helps, keep studying the disorders... .you will see that we had some things to learn as well. Don't dwell on the next victim... .be glad she took him off your hands... .it gets worse with time. I put in 10 years... .a type of prison, I promise you. Not a life at all.

[amunt]

Anger and disgust for them sent you free , its not bad.

At first i was depressed and blamed myself every day until the death of our
mutual friend. Then i saw that this girl have no empathy, i saw that she
have sociopath traits.
Thats way i found about Borderlines and Narcissistic people and both of them have
no empathy along with all other caracteristics we all know about

"Both sociopathy and borderline personality disorder are serious mental illnesses manifesting themselves in aggressive, erratic or harmful behavior. Sociopathy and borderline personality disorder sometimes overlap, and a person suffering from both of them is called a borderline sociopath ... ."

[C.Stein]

Anger and disgust for them sent you free , its not bad.

Different side of the same coin.  On one side there is love and desire ... .and on the other Hate/Anger and disgust.  There will be no freedom until you achieve indifference.

At first i was depressed and blamed myself every day until the death of our
mutual friend. Then i saw that this girl have no empathy, i saw that she
have sociopath traits.
Thats way i found about Borderlines and Narcissistic people and both of them have
no empathy along with all other caracteristics we all know about

"Both sociopathy and borderline personality disorder are serious mental illnesses manifesting themselves in aggressive, erratic or harmful behavior. Sociopathy and borderline personality disorder sometimes overlap, and a person suffering from both of them is called a borderline sociopath ... ."

It is best if we try to not diagnose our ex's.  Certainly we can identify certain behavior traits as outlined in the DSM but I caution everyone how very easy it is to make a mountain out of a mole hill when emotionally distressed.  The only way we can be sure our ex's suffer from a personality disorder is for them to get a formal diagnosis by a qualified professional.

[Skip]

I was with her for 2 years and we were ready to engaged in June.

She dumped me and after one week i learned that she was kissing with a random guy in a club... .They kissed... .with extreme passion in front of my friends so they see and come tell me. Her rebounder is a young guy just 21 years old and she is 27 .

i was really mad and called her in the phone... .she answered me that she dont give a ____ about me, i was her worst relationship and not a real man. Her new boy is a real man and can treat a woman

My best friend died from cancer this month, he was good friend with her too. She don't even visit him or come in the funeral.

I never saw more insecure and evil person in my life,i was ready to give my life for her.

These are extremely painful events... .I'm sorry you are going through this.

It helps to talk about the whole story, trying to pull together the whole picture.

You said she was very determined to have a child when the two of you were together - you had talked about getting engaged - did you also talk about children?

[Butterflies free]

Amunt,

There is truth in the saying that life is 10% of what happens to us, and 90% in how we react to it.

Unless we (nonBPD's) have been exposed to the instability and everything else a r/s with a pwBPD or any other erratic mental illness displays:
A) how would we know what we're dealing with?
B) if its foreign to us, how would we know how to cope unless we've dealt with it before?

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. And that's ok.
There aren't any rules and timeframes. If you're angry, it's completely acceptable because this illness does not allow closure. I find that my very own inability to grasp and move on was due to not having closure.

That's when I decided to take my power back and forgive them for not knowing what they do. They lack the capacity for true cognizance of the factual truth and rather their twisted perceptions become their truth.

As sad as it feels, it is of the ego that is bruised when they replace us, get pregnant, get engaged, married etc... .but once we allow ourselves to heal from our bruised ego, we have clarity. God puts people on your life path for a reason, and removes them from your path for a reason... .one day, that reason will become evident to you.

Count your blessings everyday that you have the ability to move onto a healthy, loving relationship that will be for the long run... .and she never will have that... she has just made her life more complicated. Feel pity for this unborn child and the man who will be in the same position you were in not that long ago.

Wishing you happiness and peace of heart... .

[amunt]

You said she was very determined to have a child when the two of you were together - you had talked about getting engaged - did you also talk about children?

From the first month and it was a red flag for me, actually from the first week she said to me that she want to marry and make childs with me
i was the best ever, best sex ever, best man ever etc etc 

She also tell me that a medium/psychic tell her about me even my name and that we will marry and we will make a 2 childs.
Of course this story was another lie to manipulate me

[amunt]

but once we allow ourselves to heal from our bruised ego, we have clarity. God puts people on your life path for a reason, and removes them from your path for a reason... .one day, that reason will become evident to you

This day must come as soon as possible otherwise i will turn to boxing champion with all than training
All those months the place to forget is the gym , mostly for the anger i am in.
I am angry with her but mostly i am angry with myself and i must be stronger and wiser with my next relationship

Count your blessings everyday that you have the ability to move onto a healthy, loving relationship that will be for the long run... .and she never will have that... she has just made her life more complicated. Feel pity for this unborn child and the man who will be in the same position you were in not that long ago.

Wishing you happiness and peace of heart

She already have that and a great future upfront ... .but anyway thank you very much, God bless ... .

[Fr4nz]

You said she was very determined to have a child when the two of you were together - you had talked about getting engaged - did you also talk about children?

From the first month and it was a red flag for me, actually from the first week she said to me that she want to marry and make childs with me
i was the best ever, best sex ever, best man ever etc etc  

She also tell me that a medium/psychic tell her about me even my name and that we will marry and we will make a 2 childs.
Of course this story was another lie to manipulate me

Well, BPD sufferers really believe to the extremely positive things they say, especially during the idealization phase of a relationship; it's not manipulation, it is one of the distinctive features of the disorder; in this case, we are speaking about hyper-idealization.

That's due to the black/white thinking that characterize their thoughts.