Hey, Hlintthewiking: how have things been getting on since October? I am worried about you - the things you've described resonate with me
very well. I was in a r/s for one year, and we recycled about four times 'til that bleak day 3 weeks ago, after a relatively stable month (when I say 'stable' I mean nothing near a 'normal' caring down-to-earth-r/s), when she more or less out of the blue said that "If you do not apologize in an adequate manner [NB: accused of doing something I never even had done] I never want to see you again." And that was it. Take my word, if you were scared back then you will not get rid of that feeling. Take this from someone who is still afraid even though she cut me out, my girl fantasized about burning down my flat - days after she'd abused me physically. Whatever she did to you was a violation of trust and boundaries. I don't know if you still are together, but that trust won't be easily if ever regained, just think of the hard work she will have to face in therapy and in everyday life. While you'll want things to work out you'll at the same time be the recipient of her fears, newly arisen existential questions, dealing with her projections etc.
Herodias, Zinnia21, once removed, and everyone else who's joined in on this thread; amazing words of advice and insight!
Back to Hlint: Even though you may prefer Norse mythology
I can't get the Greek myth of Pandora and the box out of my mind. Found this on G****e:
"
She took the key, slid it into the lock and turned it. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and slowly lifted the lid of the box. She opened her eyes and looked into the box, expecting to see fine silks, gowns or gold bracelets and necklaces or even piles of gold coins. But there was no gleam of gold or treasure. There were no shining bracelets and not one beautiful dress! The look of excitement on her face quickly turned to one of disappointment and then horror. For Zeus had packed the box full of all the terrible evils he could think of. Out of the box poured disease and poverty. Out came misery, out came death, out came sadness - all shaped like tiny buzzing moths."
Hlintthewiking, I have despite what I've been through been
very close to breaking NC today. Reading these pages and thinking of poor Pandora made me change my mind.
I hope you are safe and in a stable place!
/Keef
