I am sure my 26 year old daughter has BPD

[beebee1958]

Hello:

I am new here.  I have been reading about BPD and I am sure my 26 year old daughter has it.  She has all the signs and symptoms.  She ruins relationships because she over reacts to pretty much everything.  Good or bad.

She has 2 children, 6 and 6 months.  The latest is today she came home from an appointment with her counselor and babies dad was sleeping and baby was crying.  I guess she freaked out, threw him out of the house and told him he is a "horrible father".  This is a man who has put up with more BS in the last 6 months that anyone should have to put up with in a lifetime.

When he told me this story I thought "I can't do this roller coaster ride anymore".  I cannot imagine how he has been doing it. 

Six years ago after her son was born she was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, she does not take her medication because she thinks "that psychiatrist didn't know what he was talking about".  She has a new psychiatrist, whom I believe she has seen twice and a counselor whom she sees every few weeks.  My suspicion is that she isn't honest with these people.  She has been taken to the hospital 3 times in the last 6 months (once by the police in an ambulance) I was so happy thinking they would form her, but she told them what she knows they want to hear and they let her go.

I am convinced that we do not have a proper diagnosis and am wondering if anyone has ever had to try to get an accurate diagnosis when they feel the person is not being honest with counselor.

Hanging at the end of my rope.  I would be so appreciative for any help.
bee

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi bee and welcome to BPD family. I'm truly very sorry this welcome and reply is late... .though glad you found us, apologies to you. 

I'm sorry for what you are dealing with and going through, you are not alone. Many here relate to you when you say I can’t do this rollercoaster any longer, in fact thinking about it I guess everyone has at some point, that’s why we are here supporting each other on the journey. 

You may have read this helpful article that sets out why your daughter maybe avoiding being 'honest' and what the family can do Anosognosia and Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy

I don't know how an accurate BPD diagnosis may be achieved without your daughter consenting to one ie the hospital suggesting/recommending to her while she was there recently as you say. One would have expected a mental health reassessment at some point though if your daughter is avoiding as you suggest. Does your daughter speak to you about her bi-polar, her diagnosis, her struggles? I have found the tools and lessons to the right of the screen immensely helpful improving my skills communicating with my daughter, taking small steps forward worksCommunication using validation. What it is; how to do it

My 28yr daughter made a number of trips to A&E early last year and finally gained an assessment and diagnosis last July.  She'd got to the end of the road - could not take the pain, she was hiding anymore, it made her take on responsibity to recover - which she is, so there is hope bee. And I have learnt about BPD through the extensive resources (still learning by the way) here and most importantly to exercise self-care for me. Do you have support from family/friends bee? Have you considered counselling for yourself, it really can help.

If your daughter questions her medication does she question the diagnosis too - she may be right! Would this be a way into her taking control - an avenue she'd be willing to explore - ie a reassessment? Earlier this year my daughter had a med change at her request - then realised that not taking anti depressants was the problem - now back on them she is stable. 

Hope you pop back and see my message bee.

WDx

[livednlearned]

Hi beebee,

My SO's D19 has also been diagnosed bipolar, and I am certain that she is BPD. Sometimes I fantasize about writing an anonymous letter to her counselor   although I would never intervene like that.

I've had to also tiptoe around the dx with my SO. Instead of coming outright with it, I focus on the behaviors and the skills. I can't change D19 so I change my own behaviors, and that has had a positive impact. You may be able to model these skills to help your grandchildren's father so he learns how to get off the emotional roller coaster without making things worse for your D26 and the grandkids.

We are here to walk with you.

You're not alone.

LnL