He sees that he's loosing... court.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

He sees that he's losing the court battle and now he's acting like he's letting me "win"

 First it was the court system is messed up and now he's saying he's letting me win. I just had to vent because I find this hilarious.

 Everything is looking pretty ugly for him in court and he's telling the public (Friends outside of court) That he couldn't  live with himself if he took our son from me (like he could )

I have done a lot of research about his mental illness and I realize the best thing I can do so let it be because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Who needs to know the truth knows the truth which is the courts and that's all that matters to me.

so you are I just had to vent but have any of you want to do something like this? just had to let it go no time for justifying anything?

[Dontknow88]

He sees that he's losing the court battle and now he's acting like he's letting me "win"

 First it was the court system is messed up and now he's saying he's letting me win. I just had to vent because I find this hilarious.

 Everything is looking pretty ugly for him in court and he's telling the public (Friends outside of court) That he couldn't  live with himself if he took our son from me (like he could )

I have done a lot of research about his mental illness and I realize the best thing I can do so let it be because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Who needs to know the truth knows the truth which is the courts and that's all that matters to me.

so you are I just had to vent but have any of you want to do something like this? just had to let it go no time for justifying anything?

[pallavirajsinghani]

I agree with you... .this is not the time to "set the record straight".  Just let it be as you do not want things to turn the opposite way.  Hope all goes well.

[livednlearned]

He probably can't live with himself, whether he ended up with custody or not. That's the sad part of the disorder  People with BPD cannot abide themselves. We experience the collateral effects of this inability to abide.

It's self-preservation, I think. Our exes cannot process negative emotions, and shame in particular. They fear annihilation. He is most likely preserving a sense of himself as good (making an ultimate sacrifice) in order to make sense of what feels bad (losing his child).

These are pretty crude coping mechanisms, often.

[ForeverDad]

If he is willing to agree to your solidly based boundaries/requirements, then there's no need to explain nor try to reason moot points with him or the court.  As we have commonly experienced, we generally cannot reason with the other parent.  What we present as reasons and sound logic is too often perceived as excuses and attacks.  Of course don't let any order reflect his posturing but the reality is that you really can't control what he claims to the outside world nor impact by very much what others decide to believe.  So it is possible he will posture as a shut-out dad or that you blocked him or whatever.  Hopefully if that happens then time will demonstrate to others why the order is structured the way it is.

In my own case, I recall when the custody evaluation came out solidly in my favor, though also indicating we should start with Shared Parenting trying to make that work.  The court ordered a Settlement Conference next.  It only lasted about 5 minutes or so.  She reached over the table and with her hand like a claw said she'd claw my eyes out if I tried to get custody.  That was that, the attempt failed, not a surprise.  But before we started I had been sitting alone with my lawyer when her lawyer walked in and sat down.  He explained he was divorced and had alternate weekends.  He asked me to consider that.  In a very rare instance of my mind picking out the absolute best response, I told him, "That sounds fine but I don't think your client would like alternate weekends."   He didn't say another word, he of course already knew the CE's report favored me.  But did you notice the assumption he tried to saddle on me?  So many today have the perception that fathers should only expect to get alternate weekends as sometimes dads.  So it's not like your Ex as a father would be expected to walk out with 50/50 or more.

I think he will be reluctant to have his issues discussed in court, which is why he's already trying to cover the worst of it up by saying he's being magnanimous or generous to you or avoiding a court fight.  Frankly, it is better all around if he doesn't push the issues in court.

Whether and how much of your documentation you need to state in court or have included in the parenting order, I don't know.  But do try to walk out with an order where he can't easily stall or sabotage your parenting.  For example, many here describe expensive frustrations where the Ex disagrees with a major decision and much time and money is wasted in court or in repeated mediation attempts or both.  Much of that is due to the common decision by judges to make it joint custody.  Evidently they don't want a parent to feel shut out.  So have a backup strategy prepared and at hand in case he court doesn't want to grant you full custody.  Some courts realize that disagreements on school, medical or other major issue can bring parents back to court over and over.  There's a way to avoid at least the delay.  Try to be declared as having Decision Making or as the Tie Breaker.  You may have to ask first or inform him of your decision but then you can proceed with a long delay.  And he would still tell everyone he has joint custody.  Yes, he could still contest it by going to mediation or court but your decision wouldn't be put on hold for months.