A positive side to BPD

[473harman]

There is always so much negative surrounding the BPD diagnosis. Saw this article and it is SOO true with my daughter. Her love and affection are so contagious that I would do anything to keep her that happy (sadly, that was much of our downfall as well).
 
www.dailyrecords.us/i-wasnt-wrong-the-gift-inside-borderline-personality-disorder-BPD/

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Thanks so much for sharing 473, I found it a really well balanced article written from the innate perspective of our loved ones, empath, empathy, their gifts. And yes it describes my daughter too - I found it refreshing the author did not pile in the behaviours in as often seems. As many parents here we are looking for clarity, I wonder who wrote it - there is no reference from what I can see. Thank you to whoever you are ... .you helped me today as did you 473 
Hope you daughter is settling in.
WDx

[livednlearned]

I feel like this is the piece I have been looking for It is both rooted in psychiatry and transcends it, and puts to rest my own misgivings about the alphabet soup of diagnoses that never seem to do justice to the people who struggle with extreme or heightened sensitivity.

Thank you for posting it. I printed it out -- it's a keeper.

With the dominance of the medical model, we tend to pathologize, and overlook the possibility that the distress may be a result of us not honouring our utterly unique make-up as individuals.

With BPD, honoring the utterly unique make-up as individuals is no easy task, though I think of it as the goal, even when I fail to reach that goal.

[Rockieplace]

While really appreciating this perspective and finding the description of the sensitivity very helpful I am rather irritated by the lack of provisos about the presumably 30% of BPD sufferers who do not suffer an invalidating and neglectful childhood. My BPDd34 was extremely loved to the point of indulgence. She was sensitive to her own needs (her vests hurt her for example) but very lacking in sensitivity to the feelings of others for the most part. She is highly intelligent and was a grade A student. Everything came easily to her. Until she was around 15 she seemed perfectly ok and had really nice friends etc. She was extremely untidy but friends and family reassured me that this was normal and, despite having serious reservations I wanted to be reassured. It was until she went off to university and was supposed to be taking responsibility for herself that it all fell apart. She spent her rent on drugs ( we learnt afterwards that she smoked lots of weed and took goodness knows what else. I really think that this heightened sensitivity will have made the effects of these drugs much more damaging on her psyche. She was only recently diagnosed with BPD after a crisis caused by addiction to codeine and a series of life events, some caused by her own behaviour and some not. The pattern described in this article is, therefore, one possible explanation for a proportion of cases. Genetics are being muted more recently as playing a part too. This might more adequately explain how siblings brought up in the same environment do not suffer BPD in my opinion. The nice thing about this article is the focus on the positive aspects but I don't think it always helpful to give sufferers cues for attributing blame. After all the cases of false accusations which are being discussed on these boards could be a direct result of this sort of blame culture.

[Reforming]

Interesting read

I think the article has been published on various other sites. This one credits the author

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/the-gift-inside-borderline-personality-disorder-BPD

[473harman]

I agree Rockieplace - I did not like those sentences. I couldn't agree more with you - my daughter had no trauma, my three middle children are ok and my youngest is showing signs of emotional dysregulation and high sensitivity at age 7. I truly believe it is genetic. I am hoping that early intervention on our part and validation will make my younger daughter's life easier than her older sister.

[Lollypop]

Hi

I see my BPD's ability to invisibly connect to another persons feelings like another sense. It's quite amazing how tuned in he is to other people's emotions at times. He's naturally gifted and could do so very well in a caring job where he deals with people. He most probably won't achieve this which is a shame. I wonder if this trait is why he levitates to those people in society that are vulnerable like the homeless.

Im my opinion there's something genetic going on. My BPDs is very much like my father who had some big issues that I now see. My childhood was unstable and my dad must have had over 40 jobs that I know if, we constantly moved due to debts, affairs etc. He eventually settled at 50 but he never had a true friend other than my long suffering mum.

L

[Big M]

While really appreciating this perspective and finding the description of the sensitivity very helpful I am rather irritated by the lack of provisos about the presumably 30% of BPD sufferers who do not suffer an invalidating and neglectful childhood. 

Could not agree more- because my daughter knows about her illness, she uses the whole "trauma" thing to lash out at her parents.  While I allow that she has always had a delicate psyche, and we have not always been ideal parents, most of her "trauma" fits the category of "normal parental behavior when dealing with an obstinate, defiant, and completely uncooperative child".  She has never been spanked, hit, assaulted, or sexually or emotionally abused. When we have lost our temper with her (meaning shouted at her), we have always apologized, and always first, and continue to do so even though it is rarely reciprocated.  We have another daughter who has zero borderline traits.  She had the normal teenage struggles, but right now is a psychologically healthy 18  year old with a full-time job, a steady and reliable boyfriend,  and in addition is a full-time college student with a 4.0 GPA.  The nature vs. nurture argument is pointless.  Sometimes nature creates situations that doom the nurture part of the equation to failure.  Sometimes nurture can change nature.  Sometimes not.