Contact

[uniquename]

Haven't posted in a while. For background, I have a protective order against uBPDh. Initially, the judge ordered him no contact. When it became 'permanent' (two years), I requested emails only regarding our 16D and legal issues of separation/divorce. Careful what you wish for!
It's been hard going back to limited after NC. I'm not really ready. I take my time in responding, though, and sometimes not at all if I feel it's not in my interest. Always try to BIFF.
After 1 1/2 months, he finally asked about 16D. I was hurt and shocked he hadn't and then questioning what I should tell him when he did. I talked it over a bit with 16D. What I was planning to say, what she was comfortable with. Just finished it up. A quick update. Anyway, this s**t remains very hard.

[rfriesen]

Hi Unique,
Yes, it remains very hard. Do you have a family member or a good friend you're able to lean on? It must be hard on your daughter as well.

Do you feel safe? When the relationship and aftermath still feel so hard, it's important to lean on your support system, not just for the emotional support but also for perspective on whether the relationship (however limited) is crossing boundaries in a way that is unhealthy or unsafe. And of course, posting here can help with that as well.

[uniquename]

I have some family members and a friend that are helpful to talk it out with. I don't always rely on them for every email. I guess I feel some shame I'm still reacting strongly and can't handle it myself. I also see a therapist that's been very helpful.
Do I feel safe? Not as much as I'd like, no. I know he's crossing my boundaries of what I want for contact. It's up to me to enforce that but aside from the protective order, he has refused to follow anything I request in the last 4 months. When he goes too far, I'm just not responding or at least for a long while. His latest email maybe violates the order but it's too close to being ok I think to do anything about it.