Anyone Can Relate...

[Hope I J]

Good Day, Everyone... .I am glad and elated to be apart of this support group. I have been in a relationship for 15 years with my spouse. We have separated numerous times. I moved out recently. We have children together.
I really want him to get help; I have been a rescuer and enabler in the past; his mom and family know he has been the way he is before I met him. I didn't see, me signs before we got married. The blaming, name calling, jealousy, accusation about me to others; then to be able to not show those things around others or at work to the magnitude you do it with close loved ones.
The black and white love and hate, silent treatment; ego I look good, I am best, you jealous of me to cover his low-selfesteem and self hate... .I can go on and on... .I do love him. My children were asking why dad does certain things... .I would have stayed if he was willing to actively seek help. We been through courts etc. He does and say things at times like I am a stranger... that he can just cut ties quick it appears and the pick them back up... .just need some support and a release to talk so I don't feel I am all by myself. I believe through courts his diagnosis was BPD; he does not want to talk about his diagnosis nor that anything is wrong with him; its me... .accused me of wanting to and scratching his new car; told his mom.
There were times... .far in between of some what we consider normalcy. Often every holiday OE birthday, valentines something broke out... .didn't know what caused... majority of time didn't get anything because he was angry or mad... .please someone reply... .
He blames me and runs me down to his family constantly; l am always the bad guy, talk to my children about me badly while I am present... .everything and often the things he say or refer to me about he is doing or feeling... .extreme, only tells his portion of the situation when giving some one info. Often... exaggerates often and blows things way way out of portion, depressed behavior a lot and stated he wanted to committ suicide over a convetsation that was at hand; however I know it was bigger than that... .Talks about how much anxiety I cause him; can't cope with daily normal anxiety. Situations... .this was 90 percent on a daily basis these types of behavior... week on week... maybe a break here and there ... .it was a pattern for sure... child like behavior... .going to mom lots ... .in his late 30's ... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

How old are all the kids,  and what's the custody situation if you've moved out? 

Talking bad about the other parent is extremely hurtful,  to you,  of course,  but also to the kids.  How do they react to that?

[Turkish]

It's hard to talk to the kids about a disordered parent. Whatever he does, he's still their only dad. We have quite a few resources in the lessons on the Co-Parenting board which can help with talking to them.  My 6 year old son says he'd rather live with me and just see his mom.  I know why,  but I can't ferret out the why from his point of view (there's a lot of conflict in the other home which has only recently subsided... .for now).

He talking bad about you in front of the kids isn't cool at all.  It's likely he won't see it,  but is worth asking them how they feel about it.  Just ask,  and let them talk about how they view it according to their ages.