First post, seeking advice re: what should I do/how to breach subject

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello. I've been in a 2 year relationship with a bi-polar (officially dx'd) who I am almost certain has BPD. It's been so painful, I'm at a loss for words. In a nutshell, my partners behavior, her "rage episodes" have become so severe, I'm taking space to decide what to do. What I want to do is tell her to seek professional help, so that perhaps, the relationship maybe salvaged. She's extremely resistant when I've mentioned such things in the past. I see a therapist for my dx'd PTSD/Anxiety issues. It's extremely difficult to be around her when she goes off into hyper aggressive mode and can/has triggered many panic episodes... .hence me keeping distance. The point is understood, that I can't change another persons behavior, but... .and here is where I don't know what to do- I feel that it's worth trying to somehow "get" her to seek help. I understand the irony in that line of thinking but I do care for her, I just don't know how to bring it up or if that's a decent idea. My therapist recommends I walk away from it, "cut the cord"... .but I don't feel like giving up on the relationship yet primarily because i feel, erroneously or not, that there could be a chance for this (relationship) to work... .IF, she sought treatment. Obviously she feels terrible (or tells me all the time) and is hurting- her explanation for all her pain comes from, well, so much of what I've read (and seen) BPD'ers do. Most hurtful are her delusional accusations. Countless times of accusing me for instance, of doing drugs, being with other women, lying about things that don't exist. It makes me think "these are delusions, if she sought help and understood via a professional, such things were not based in reality... .healing could begin... .a chance, some potential for the relationship work. I do understand, again that I need to take care of myself first, which I feel I am doing. Trying to explain that self-love = healthy relationships agitates her. Most everything I try to communicate regarding healthy boundries and communication styles does. She will focus on one perception or thought and aggressively repeat it over and over again leading into flat out verbal abuse and screaming. The other week she hit me for the first time, gave me a bruise. I don't know if she mean't to or lost control when going through a "rage" cycle. 

This is a very simple explanation for my situation and I apologize, it's a hard subject to bring up in a forum.


Thank you

[Mackerel]

Hello. I've been in a 2 year relationship with a bi-polar (officially dx'd) who I am almost certain has BPD. It's been so painful, I'm at a loss for words. In a nutshell, my partners behavior, her "rage episodes" have become so severe, I'm taking space to decide what to do. What I want to do is tell her to seek professional help, so that perhaps, the relationship maybe salvaged. She's extremely resistant when I've mentioned such things in the past. I see a therapist for my dx'd PTSD/Anxiety issues. It's extremely difficult to be around her when she goes off into hyper aggressive mode and can/has triggered many panic episodes... .hence me keeping distance. The point is understood, that I can't change another persons behavior, but... .and here is where I don't know what to do- I feel that it's worth trying to somehow "get" her to seek help. I understand the irony in that line of thinking but I do care for her, I just don't know how to bring it up or if that's a decent idea. My therapist recommends I walk away from it, "cut the cord"... .but I don't feel like giving up on the relationship yet primarily because i feel, erroneously or not, that there could be a chance for this (relationship) to work... .IF, she sought treatment. Obviously she feels terrible (or tells me all the time) and is hurting- her explanation for all her pain comes from, well, so much of what I've read (and seen) BPD'ers do. Most hurtful are her delusional accusations. Countless times of accusing me for instance, of doing drugs, being with other women, lying about things that don't exist. It makes me think "these are delusions, if she sought help and understood via a professional, such things were not based in reality... .healing could begin... .a chance, some potential for the relationship work. I do understand, again that I need to take care of myself first, which I feel I am doing. Trying to explain that self-love = healthy relationships agitates her. Most everything I try to communicate regarding healthy boundries and communication styles does. She will focus on one perception or thought and aggressively repeat it over and over again leading into flat out verbal abuse and screaming. The other week she hit me for the first time, gave me a bruise. I don't know if she mean't to or lost control when going through a "rage" cycle. 

This is a very simple explanation for my situation and I apologize, it's a hard subject to bring up in a forum.


Thank you

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mackerel, Welcome!  Well, that's a big "IF"!  What makes you think things will go differently in the future?  What would YOU like to see happen?  What is the right path for YOU?  I know these questions are tough, but might help you to collect your thoughts.

LuckyJim

[skidoo28]

i have walked a mile in your shoes and im going through just what you are right now your story sounds just like mine only difference i broke up with my GF and she decided to seek help to try and save our relationship that was 3 weeks ago but since us takeing a break things have got worse i had to break it off now im feeling guilty because i still love her very much and i was in hopes she would get better with therapy