BPDbiomom didn't pay the CFI

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

BPDbiomom initiated a court case with DH and myself, as I am finishing up nursing school.  She told her lawyer a wild fabrication regarding custody, which was evidenced by the lawyers first motion. In that motion it said that she was entitled to summers and holidays; even though she signed them away years ago. My husband and I were finally able to afford a lawyer. He submitted to the court all the stipulations that BPDbiomom signed. The magistrate, seeing the 2 very different points of view said that we need a CFI, a child and family investigator. It costs each of the parties $1000. BPDbiomom didn't pay it. We can't have an investigation without full payment to the CFI. The CFI did meet with my DH, and he brought all of the stipulations that she already signed and the last one we couldn't get signed because she wouldn't tell us where she lived to get served.

Are there any real sanctions for not following a court order? The motion for the CFI said that the $1000 was to be treated as if it were a child support order. Will she skate on this too?

[newlymarried]

BPDbiomom initiated a court case with DH and myself, as I am finishing up nursing school.  She told her lawyer a wild fabrication regarding custody, which was evidenced by the lawyers first motion. In that motion it said that she was entitled to summers and holidays; even though she signed them away years ago. My husband and I were finally able to afford a lawyer. He submitted to the court all the stipulations that BPDbiomom signed. The magistrate, seeing the 2 very different points of view said that we need a CFI, a child and family investigator. It costs each of the parties $1000. BPDbiomom didn't pay it. We can't have an investigation without full payment to the CFI. The CFI did meet with my DH, and he brought all of the stipulations that she already signed and the last one we couldn't get signed because she wouldn't tell us where she lived to get served.

Are there any real sanctions for not following a court order? The motion for the CFI said that the $1000 was to be treated as if it were a child support order. Will she skate on this too?

[Nope]

Considering I'm sure you'll stick with the current custody order until there is a new order, I would not worry about it. If you paid your portion and she did not then that is up to her to explain to the judge if there is another court date.

She is kind of in a tough position because she was already bordered to pay half. In my DS's case, he was ordered to put down a large deposit (since he was the one asking for the investigation) but the court reserved the right to reallocate the fees at a later court date. If you're looking for the court to hold her feet to the fire that probably won't happen.

She will either pay it and the investigation will move forward or she won't. She may decide she started a fight she doesn't have the wherewithal to finish. Or she may come up with the money later and drag the process out. Either way the ball is in her court but in the meantime hopefully the kids are unaffected.

[newlymarried]

Kiddo is safe with us. Court has no ordered visitation at all for BPDbiomom, this is after 2 years of not seeing kiddo. We may ask our lawyer to ask her for a show cause hearing, but I am not sure if that will happen now. We may just wait until I am finished with my degree and am home full time again.

[Waddams]

So, she has picked a fight by suing you.  She has now been ordered to pay her half of a CFI as part of that fight.  She is refusing to.

You, on the other hand, have provided signed, official court documents that support your case to the CFI already.

Seems clear to me, if she won't pay, it's because she knows she doesn't have a case that can be supported by documentation.  She has stopped pursuing the case as a result. Maybe you're lawyer can make a case to drop the case since she won't keep pursuing it.  You shouldn't have to be left in limbo like this.

In parallel - make an offer for non-court supervised reunification therapy with the kids.  You don't need the court to order you to do it, just find a therapist that can guide things of re-establishing her contact with the kids and rebuilding a healthy relationship.  It'd be cheaper for all involved than paying through the legal system.  She might reject the offer, but you can demostrate good faith effort.

[ForeverDad]

In this thread we may not have read all the reasons why mother isn't in contact with the children, surely there must be reasons beyond her signing away this or that.  So I don't know if reunification is advisable or not.  However, I have reservations about opening a can of worms by showing an active willingness to let her resume or ramp up visits as was just mentioned.  For one reason, she could see any such offer as weakness and invite more hassles and boundary pushing.  Second, an effort to show reasonableness and fairness to anticipate what the court might look for could be sabotaging yourselves or opening yourselves up to more chaos.  In my own experience, being overly nice or overly fair was ignored, didn't matter to the court and other professionals or just didn't work.  So I would think being fair with the circumstances is fine but being overly fair probably won't help.  Don't second guess the court, not until it shows inclination or basis to adjust things.

[newlymarried]

BPDbiomom has an addiction to meth. My husband told the CFI that she has a history of use. The CFI confirmed that there will be drug tests for BPDbiomom as a part of the investigation.

I want to adopt little, so the more bad judgement and lack of accountability she shows I believe it will act in our favor.
you
I want there to be court sanctioned supervised visits, if it comes to that; because they can impose limits like if you don't pay you don't get visitation. If you seem intoxicated you don't get visitation. If you pull a no call no show more than once, visitation is put on hold for 3 months. She will have to pay for the visitation, and the drug tests.