A question of timing?

[lpheal]

I have posted on other boards regarding my situation, but I am not separated from my wife. As previously discussed, my relationship has elements of verbal and physical abuse (and to best of my knowledge nothing directed at our child). After thinking about this for some time, the only reason I am trying to make things work concerns the well-being of our child, 2.5 years old. Our child is attached to me very strongly, and usually wants to spend all of their time with me as soon as I get home from work.

If I separate from my wife, she would almost certainly move to another state to be closer to all of her family and her parents (and she would have better employment prospects). After discussion with an attorney I would most likely be looking at a shared custody... .which for at least several years would mean I would be a long distance (half-way across the country) Dad every other weekend (I am locked into my current job for at least several more years, so would not be able to move for a while).

I feel like this could trigger a feeling of abandonment in our child and be very damaging to their development. I also feel like if my wife's behavior continues in the long term it would be better to leave. I may not have a choice if her behavior worsens.

I am curious if others have been in this situation about how to balance the needs of very young children.

[Turkish]

This isn't meant to be pithy, but have you consulted other attorneys? 

This goes through my mind a lot.  My ex is set on buying a house,  yet she couldn't afford it here,  so she'd have to move away.  Some people have majority custody of children during the school year,  and "absentee" spouses in the summer.  Is this something your lawyer might fight for? Hard,  maybe at this point,  since your kid is a year away from preschool.