Practically difficulties sharing a space with adult son

[Lollypop]

I'm venting a bit here.

I spoke with BPDs26 about 4 weeks ago about the problem the family have regarding BPDs GF being too loud and vocal when they're getting intimate. The conversation went really well And he agreed with me and understood. I did tell him that I was going to have a word with her myself but felt she would be mortified and he agreed. He said he'd deal with the situation. She sleeps over maybe once or twice a week. Things have been very quiet.

This situation has reoccurred today at 11am on a Saturday morning.

i made my presence heard upstairs and the noise subsided only to start again a little later. It's just so uncomfortable for us and my younger son as we feel our space is totally invaded. There's no ignoring the build up to the climax. My younger son wanted me to go into their bedroom but I told him that I didn't feel comfortable doing that as they were clearly undressed.

I should have knocked on the door but I was fearful of the reaction, sensitive to the GF's feelings. I like her.

Bpds is very low at the moment. GF is supposed to be sick!

I'm such a wimp and find confronting difficult issues, well, just difficult.

H has stormed out of the house very angry because I stopped him vacuuming the carpet again outside their bedroom door (second time in 5 minutes). I said "look, they can clearly hear us running up and down the stairs going into son's bedroom next door at least three times, making a lot of noise vacuuming, they obviously don't care so why repeat the behaviour again when that doesn't work. We need to speak to them".

I know we've got to have a conversation again, assertive but caring.

Why are these young people so shameless.

This situation is on top of everything else going on as we try and move forwards. I was hoping BPDs would be at a point to move out sometime next year but I feel that he should leave very soon. Like today.

I can hear them downstairs now getting something to eat.

I need to reclaim my house back!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Oh wow! I would be beside myself too, Lollypop, if that were happening in my home.

I am scratching my head how I would approach something like that. It seems like the conversation would be different depending on whether you want BPDs to continue living there? Since you don't, maybe this is one of those difficult moments that can be leveraged?

[Lollypop]

Hi Lnl

I just got a text from  BPDs saying he was very sorry and promised it wouldn't happen again. He went into some personal stuff to try and explain what's been going on the last few weeks with GF, stuff he doesn't want to speak to me about due to high emotions and stuff I know I shouldn't know (as a parent).

I sent Him a text back telling him we all love him and that we want him to be well and happy, thanked him for the text and agreed it was awkward; that with support he will be independent but it's one step at a time as we respect each other's lives.

I hadn't recognised that maybe they'd been having a few intimate problems BUT I am also aware how BPDs can manipulate and make himself be the victim. They must know how much noise they make and it's just not right in a shared space.

I'm pleased that he's acknowledged the situation and I hope my reply came across as assertive and caring.

adults living together is never easy but when BPD is thrown into the mix things are tricky sometimes.

L