Thinking about suing someone who think has BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Me and a female were very close. She told me she was raped and has PTSD she started off saying she gets way too drunk.Things became weird after that. We had a break of space and during that she would have these panic attacks when she saw me during space. During that time she would say I want a restraining order on him but he really cares. We met at a bar and we made up.  Next week was walking on egg shells and she said paranoid things and did what she could to push me away. We got in a fight and said life would be easier without you.

Cutting through details but cliff notes is she was very wish washy around and about me and thought it was PTSD. I saw her on October first gave her a letter to comfort her PTSD. She was behaving strangely and thought to myself if she doesn't change she's going to get raped again. Because of a relationship with a former employee I reached out to her father about my concerns. Got served a notice from the police. Well most of the affidavit was exeragerted beyond belief I was told by a lawyer wouldn't get a fair case. My mom told me not to talk or accuse her of mental illness so I was served with a no contact stalking order. I said no objection because don't want to be around a mentally I'll person who won't get help.

After court a person I met on a PTSD forum said sounds like she has a personality disorder such as BPD and paranoid personality disorder. After doing my homework I am a victim of a BPD campaign. What started our fight was me asking someone if she was ok. She has at least 7 of 9 symptoms that I can prove.

That is cliff notes don't want money just want truth and justice. I developed anxiety my reputation was ruined and she continues to spread lies. What lawyer do I contact and how do I approach it

[statsattack]

Me and a female were very close. She told me she was raped and has PTSD she started off saying she gets way too drunk.Things became weird after that. We had a break of space and during that she would have these panic attacks when she saw me during space. During that time she would say I want a restraining order on him but he really cares. We met at a bar and we made up.  Next week was walking on egg shells and she said paranoid things and did what she could to push me away. We got in a fight and said life would be easier without you.

Cutting through details but cliff notes is she was very wish washy around and about me and thought it was PTSD. I saw her on October first gave her a letter to comfort her PTSD. She was behaving strangely and thought to myself if she doesn't change she's going to get raped again. Because of a relationship with a former employee I reached out to her father about my concerns. Got served a notice from the police. Well most of the affidavit was exeragerted beyond belief I was told by a lawyer wouldn't get a fair case. My mom told me not to talk or accuse her of mental illness so I was served with a no contact stalking order. I said no objection because don't want to be around a mentally I'll person who won't get help.

After court a person I met on a PTSD forum said sounds like she has a personality disorder such as BPD and paranoid personality disorder. After doing my homework I am a victim of a BPD campaign. What started our fight was me asking someone if she was ok. She has at least 7 of 9 symptoms that I can prove.

That is cliff notes don't want money just want truth and justice. I developed anxiety my reputation was ruined and she continues to spread lies. What lawyer do I contact and how do I approach it

[ForeverDad]

What is the status of the stalking case?  What sort of no contact order is it?  Does it impact your ability to work, such as something permanent on your record?

I had my newly-separated Ex throw one at me a decade ago.  I was trying to call my preschool on the phoen she was using but I was paying for.  She either didn't answer and hung up.  When I did get to voice mail I had only left simple messages for our son, nothing for her.  She claimed I was harassing her, such claims are taken very seriously by courts.  My lawyer said hard to fight that since no judge wants the news to report one of the cases that he/she denied ended up as the leading story of the week.

However, my lawyer also told me it was crucial to make sure nothing resulted in me looking bad long term.  He said I could end up with a five year order that could be renewed yet again down the road.  So he asked me, ":)o you want to see her?"  I replied, "Of course not, not after all this."  So he got the case settled on "less unfavorable" terms:

• Her 'protection' ended within the year, just before winter holidays.
• There was no 'finding' of guilt in the case, in that regard it was neutral.
• The case was declared of a type that could not be extended or renewed.
• Our preschooler, the reason for all this, was removed from the case so parenting issues could stay with family court.
• In essence this became a 'stay away' order with no lasting blemishes on my record.

I'm worried what 'no contest' means for your case.  Does it mean you admitted what she claimed just so she would go away?  Is this a permanent black mark on your legal history?  Or... .is this just a local matter that gets buried in the archives with no further impact in any way as long as you two do keep apart during the period of the order?

Obviously, never again be in contact with her.  She's Bad News.  You can't even help her, look what happened with your "good faith" efforts thus far.  She sabotaged you, using well-meaning laws against you since skilled women can easily pose as targets and victims.  BPD is, after all, called by some a Blamer's Disorder.  Nothing is ever her fault as long as she can Blame Shift onto others.

Also ponder this thought... .you may not have been the first who faced her overreactions.  If her past cases were checked, there might have been other do-gooders before you who tried helping and got burned.

I believe you don't have much chance of getting reimbursement, perhaps not even setting the record straight.  So much would depend upon details we don't have.  Besides, some of that sounds like legal issues and we here in peer support aren't lawyers. 

Your decision as to what to do going forward may hinge primarily on how much of an impact this has on your life and future scenarios.  Could this case still exist years from now and make you look bad?  That's the important question.  Exposing her lies and blaming may be had to do and a waste of effort better spent elsewhere.  Not fair but that's life.  What is there to hold you back from Letting Go and Moving On?

[statsattack]

It's a stay away order that isn't on my record as long as I don't violate it for next two years. I wasn't paying for a lawyer to not fight like Johnny Cochran

Problem is she is spreading false lies about what happened. I want to sue for non economic damages. I don't want money want her parents to look me in the eye and apologize to me.

Why people believe her and take her side is beyond me but lost hope for this country. No one is willing to believe she has BPD.

I don't want to see her if she can't be held accountable or not in therapy why I agreered not to see her for two years

[Turkish]

If an apology is what you're looking for,  a law lawsuit is likely to escalate and cast you as Persecutor, which means the wagons circle on the other side.  It becomes about blood.  It's a rare member here where the other family may side with or even feel sympathy towards a non family member.  

I get that you're likely angry,  and want justice,  but we've had members here who have ended up in jail by pursuing personal justice, no matter how valid.  

[ForeverDad]

Frankly, Turkish has a rock solid perspective.  Listen.  No matter which country you live in, generally the people have judicial systems, not justice systems.  Yes, it {edited} is a lousy deal that one person can say bad things about others with virtual impunity.

Most people have phones and other devices that can record.  If she does cross your path, then depart promptly.  Sadly, you're the one with a stay away order, not her.  Document them, quietly record if you think she'll spin it into a claim you did wrong.  Don't even try to talk, explain, vent, whatever.  It won't do any good and by prolonging the encounter it could even be seen as a violation.  Repeat, venting at her will hurt you, not help.  She's allowed to talk to her friends and acquaintances just like you're allowed to talk to your friends and acquaintances.

Oh, and if she ever seeks you out and tries to rekindle contact, don't fall for it.  If you continue a contact you are still violating the order even if she initiates the contact, as I (a nonprofessional) understand the laws.  Maybe if she tries you can say you can't talk as long as there's an order.  (Who knows, she might file to end the order.  If that ever happens then rejoice and still keep your distance.)

If you think she's staging encounters on purpose then definitely consult a qualified attorney, it's possible what you could do is have a case to file for yourself to get your own protection from her harassment.  Just a wild guess, ask a lawyer.  Even that could trigger worse designs against you than you currently endure.

[Panda39]

Most people have phones and other devices that can record.  If she does cross your path, then depart promptly.  Sadly, you're the one with a stay away order, not her.  Document them, quietly record if you think she'll spin it into a claim you did wrong.  Don't even try to talk, explain, vent, whatever.  It won't do any good and by prolonging the encounter it could even be seen as a violation.  Repeat, venting at her will hurt you, not help.  She's allowed to talk to her friends and acquaintances just like you're allowed to talk to your friends and acquaintances.

Oh, and if she ever seeks you out and tries to rekindle contact, don't fall for it.  If you continue a contact you are still violating the order even if she initiates the contact, as I (a nonprofessional) understand the laws.  Maybe if she tries you can say you can't talk as long as there's an order.  (Who knows, she might file to end the order.  If that ever happens then rejoice and still keep your distance.)

I agree with Turkish and Foreverdad - Protect yourself stay away from her, do not engage with her, and no there is no point in going to court (even if you are in the right) you are giving her just what she wants... .engagement.  She is going to say what she is going to say. The people that know you won't believe her garbage and others might believe it but I would question if those people that do believe it need to be in your life?  I know it's hard to tolerate this kind of stuff but just don't interact and over time she will find someone new to focus her attention on and the other thing that happens is that some of the people who might have believed the story in the beginning will begin to see who has issues. 

Many of my SO's uBPDxw's friends who believed my SO was horrible and abusive are no longer her friends because they have seen his behavior with their own eyes and they have seen hers.  People do eventually figure it out. 

Stay away from her to protect yourself and take the highroad don't take the bait and engage in the conflict.  It's not easy but try to let it go.

Panda39

[Duck_Borders]

If you don't have kids, marriage, or financial obligations with this woman.  Run.  just run.  These people are very damaged, they are the lowest of the low.  And the system is just as damaged. 

Take it from a guy who's in the middle of a 3 year divorce (after a 1.5 month marriage).  Just GTFO.  Never talk to her again. 

If you continue to pursue this, you're part of the problem.  You will never get "justice". 

[statsattack]

No way pursuing her. Words can't describe how frustrating it is that she brought the situation up to other people and it makes me look like oj Simpson.

I am stupid because I am noble. I have 0 interest in reaching out to her in the next 700 days. I can forgive her if she gets help and is held accountable by her family.

The crazy thing is I have way more leverage if we both get cross examined

[statsattack]

I wanted to sue for personal injury non economic damage

[Duck_Borders]

If you're only talking about your pride - Run.  That's all I can say without offending others.

If there are other legal implications, listen to the people on this forum.

If you're talking about your pride - RUN.  It's not worth it. 

[Turkish]

Have you consulted with a lawyer, or even a question on avvo.com to get feedback from attorneys?  My first question would be if it's even feasible to appear in court together. 

[statsattack]

How come you say not worth it for pride? I'm using what she did to me to create technology for PTSD because what thought she had.

[statsattack]

Can you guys elobrate how all she wants is engagement if she pushed me away and got the order on me. The lawyers who put it together deserve cancer

[ForeverDad]

We get it.  You've been hurt, unfairly so.  The personal pain is immense.  But seeking court while feeling the prior lawyers should get cancer, etc, just illustrates your pain is guiding your pondered actions.  Acting on emotions, deep emotional hurt, has a high risk to fail, even backfire.

Possibly her lawyer or prosecutor believed her, after all, when there's a law named "Violence Against Women Act" it makes it hard for a man to claim "I'm the victim here."  Possibly your lawyer felt it would be too hard to counter her allegations and advised you to side out the tsunami.  But where do you go from here?  Can you take the hand dealt you, minimize the damage to you and still walk away the better man?

The Negative Engagement referenced here is that she's painted you black.  Right now she can continue painting you black to those she meets because she has this order.  If you raise the stakes trying to duke it out in court it will cause her to overreact and thrive on more blaming and blame shifting, that is, more engagement.  Virtually no matter what you do she can find ways to twist them to suit her needs.  I'm not saying you can't do anything, but be sure to ponder well your steps otherwise you might be sinking yourself.  Have you sought out other lawyers who are more experienced, problem solving, proactive on these types of cases?

[statsattack]

Yes that is what I am looking to do. What type of lawyers should I look for?

[flourdust]

You want a libel, slander, or defamation lawyer. You haven't said anything that suggests you have a case, but you can pay a lawyer to find out if you do or not.

[statsattack]

I have been lazy to write whole story. Long story short is 45 percent my fault 45 percent her fault and 5 percent for those who got involved who had no right.

She has slandered me going around telling people I will hurt her.

[trappeddad]

Run Run Run.    That will save $ and negative energy.   I went to court twice and it back-fired and I am worse off than if I never went.     You need to weigh the uspides and the downsides of court.     You have little to gain and lots to lose.    Run and enjoy your life.     

Run Run Run.       

And fast.

[statsattack]

All I'm doing now is trying to vacate no objection I said even though week past 30 days. Will keep everyone updated.