custody hearing in 2 days. xw still breaking the court order

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Big court hearing in 2 days. I have pages of evidence against xw. My L says the affidavit is very well put together. Today xw sends s10 a text to go skating. This is my access weekend. My heart is broken for s10. I had to take a hard line on my access bc xw is forever trying to interfere. I said I am not giving up any access time. The court order is very clear, no telling the child of plans when he is with me and also the other way around. Xw continues to do this. Her cold hearted cruel nature, manuplating and devious. What she did today was beyond cruel. For her own selfishness, trying to get s10 to leave his access early knowing I have talked about this. S10 did not tell me of this plan his mother made until it was to late. Skating was over, I knew nothing about it. She knew what she was doing, her cruel plan of manuplation. I would of let s10 leave an hour early to go skating,  it's when xw is trying to manuplate lots of access out of me I draw the line. I'm just mind boggled at how heartless these BPD's can be. My beautiful child is being manuplated in such a ruthless way, she has no regard for him. I can see the confusion and hurt in him, I'm trying so hard to be his pillar. She is turning s10 into an emotional frazzle, just like she did to me. Xw has no grey area, so she can't see that I will not give up lots of access time but I will let him leave an hr early for something like skating. She has put her inability to see grey on to s10 so in his poor developing mind she has him afraid to ask me to leave early. Custody is so confusing, he is very confused,  I'm trying to make it as smooth as possible but she is making it impossible. To me this is emotional cruelty at is most devious.

[bus boy]

Big court hearing in 2 days. I have pages of evidence against xw. My L says the affidavit is very well put together. Today xw sends s10 a text to go skating. This is my access weekend. My heart is broken for s10. I had to take a hard line on my access bc xw is forever trying to interfere. I said I am not giving up any access time. The court order is very clear, no telling the child of plans when he is with me and also the other way around. Xw continues to do this. Her cold hearted cruel nature, manuplating and devious. What she did today was beyond cruel. For her own selfishness, trying to get s10 to leave his access early knowing I have talked about this. S10 did not tell me of this plan his mother made until it was to late. Skating was over, I knew nothing about it. She knew what she was doing, her cruel plan of manuplation. I would of let s10 leave an hour early to go skating,  it's when xw is trying to manuplate lots of access out of me I draw the line. I'm just mind boggled at how heartless these BPD's can be. My beautiful child is being manuplated in such a ruthless way, she has no regard for him. I can see the confusion and hurt in him, I'm trying so hard to be his pillar. She is turning s10 into an emotional frazzle, just like she did to me. Xw has no grey area, so she can't see that I will not give up lots of access time but I will let him leave an hr early for something like skating. She has put her inability to see grey on to s10 so in his poor developing mind she has him afraid to ask me to leave early. Custody is so confusing, he is very confused,  I'm trying to make it as smooth as possible but she is making it impossible. To me this is emotional cruelty at is most devious.

[ForeverDad]

She will predictably exaggerate anything that could support her posturing as a good mom and court will quite possibly minimize her poor behaviors, at least if it were my court and early in a post-separation scenario.

Early in my case, my son was then a preschooler, I had to learn to require advance notice of requests.  Also, since she usually wanted her time first - Now! - and I couldn't count on getting the last half of the trade, I told myself I had to the first part of the trade.  I realized she couldn't be counted on to reciprocate.

What I faced with these outside-the-order requests was that lawyers and court didn't want to deal with them.  So I realized it was up to me to set written terms to a trade.  Sure, Ex claimed I was mean and didn't care for our child but my terms for a trade never got seriously discussed in court and so it was mostly just her guilting me... .and it was up to me to handle it.

[bus boy]

Hi ForeverDad, I clearly understand what you are saying. We have been in court for 8 years. It is our issue to deal with, problem is xw is 100% difficult to deal with. In the past I have tried in every way to make it work and compromise for the better of our son but xw only sees this as weakness. Xw finds every way to manuplate and control. I really am hoping to get the courts to help tighten up the order and take control away from her.

[david]

Make sure you have a solution to the problem for the court. You might be able to have a consequence for the disregard. Not sure how that would be worded.
The order can say that all changes to the custody order must be done through an email exchange between both parents. You can have a time limit of say 48 hours advance notification. If ex doesn't abide you can explain to S10 that you need to follow the court order so you don't get in trouble with the judge. You can also explain that you don't want his mom to get in trouble so you are going to follow the order. This puts the blame on the judge. At ten that would probably work.

[whirlpoollife]

Was the skating for a party for S to attend?  Or did she just decide to use that to get him away from you?  Either one , its a good example to bring up in court.  For future , if it wasn't a party, you can say no to S and tell him that when he is at mom's she can take you then.  She will push the PA on what a bad father you are for not letting him go etc.   It's very hard not to give in ... .for the children ... .guilt. But consistent boundries to the xw is needed more. The boundry pushing will continue but you want it to decrease not increase.
You have a right to enforce the court order.  
For communication, the court might order the Our Family Wizard site. There is a cost but everything is logged and the emails can be instantaneous just like any other email. There is a little more pressure for the other to behave.
Bring up the bf texting your son. There is no reason for it.  
My xh abused the "reasonable time " phone privileges , limits got put on him and to this day I still have to enforce it... .to a 55 yr old !

For court , as she or her lawyer speaks , write down everything what you need to defend.  There will be a lot.  :)on't think you can remember it all.
Will this hearing be in the court room? With the judge there listening to both sides? Or as in my case , we sat in seperate rooms with the L's running back and forth making deals? Then getting the deal finalized by the judge who has no clue of the facts.

[bus boy]

Hi whirlpoollife, the skating was just skating. Just a reason to manuplate and deceive.
  As far as court, it's a custody hearing. We have been in court on and off for 8 years, I have solutions for our problems and can prove it. Xw only used abuse and sarcasm towards my solutions.