Honestly... Whats the best thing to do when they insult you

[foodlover]

This is something that I have a hard time with. When my GF clearly insults me I feel like I lose no matter what. Lets say she casually decided to tell me... ."your terrible at doing the dishes".  In my head I am thinking that I am the only one that does the dishes because she will not. So at least I do them. I have tried to hold it in and not take it personal but I feel so terrible. I hate it. She prances around feeling good about herself and forgets she ever said it but she planted a seed that grows inside me and hurts a lot. On the other hand if she says that and I say "I don't think so" or "At least I do the dishes" or something that brings back my dignity she flips out. She may accuse me of flipping out first. I have also tried "That was hurtful" which she replied "your too sensitive" which to me is another insult.

I just don't know what is the best course of action. Just ignore it? I haven't figured out how to not let it kill me a little inside.

Stand up for myself? I haven't figured out how to stand up for myself that doesn't end up being used against me and making things worse. IDK. Any help? 

[Warcleods]

Personally, I got the hell out.  You may be one of those people that can tolerate this behavior but for me, death by a thousand cuts was in my foreseeable future.  I was up to probably about 15 cuts before I decided the other 985 didn't seem very appealing.  My exBPD out of no where would say bizarre things like, "I don't like you, or you really get on my nerves."  Mind you, I did absolutely nothing to warrant her saying that.  I don't think sane people act that way.  Then she'd call me too sensitive and blame it on PMS.  There was always an excuse for her unacceptable behavior and many times she wouldn't even remember saying those things.  That startled me the most.

[Annie99]

Hi foodlover:

My T. taught me this.  It is really, really hard to do and takes practice in your head but it works like magic.

"You're terrible at doing the dishes."

"So you don't like how I do the dishes. Tell me more about that."

"You should wash the cups before the plates and you leave food on the spoons."

"So you feel I should wash the cups before the plates and be more careful about the spoons."

"Yes."

"That's good to know. Thanks."

You've got to step away from your own triggers (But you never do the dishes, where do you get off preaching to me?). Difficult. But it works amazingly well. And after awhile, you dont even feel tirggered anymore. Also you dont need to change anything about how you do the dishes. You just validate. And I suspect when she sees your calm replies, she will stop even talking about the dishes.

[ArleighBurke]

For me:
Her: You're terrible at doing the dishes.
Me: Oh. Sorry. (sing song voice)
Then I move on. Forget the conversation. Don't engage at all.

Another tactic is to Agree and Amplify:
Her: You're terrible at doing the dishes.
You: I know! Even the dog refuses to eat off a plate I've washed! Perhaps I should not bother washing and just buy a new set of plates every day... .
Then walk off... .

I think the trick is to NOT buy into it. Annie99's suggestion is OK, but I fear that discussing it suggests that it is worthy of discussion! So I would only discuss non-trivial things. Even still, if it is truely worthy of discussion then she should have brought it up as a topic/suggestion rather than a put down. By not discussing it, or by making fun of it, you are showing that you consider it not worthwhile to talk about (which to me is the ultimate in not JADEing). It also sends her the message that starting a conversation that way gets her nothing.