BPD KO

[FallBack!Monster]

Too much to handle. I loved her. Still do. Came over. Had a good chat. All good. Even hugged.  Last week I was pathetic, controlling, a cheat, a liar, an inchworm, jealous of her r/s with her fam, ALSO had better lovers than I ever could be. Today a 180°.  loved her better than anyone ever, she abandoned our r/s because I deserve better, she knew I was eventually going to leave, so on.
If i Love her, I'm pathetic. Protect her, I'm controlling. Ignoring, is abandonment. Ask for sex and it's abuse. No affection, not enough attention. My any efforts, rejected but she can't be rejected. All a 360° where nothing changes.  I'm defeated. Leave it!

[GoingBack2OC]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I know, its not easy.

I can only offer this, Im personally about 4.5 months out of the most insane, devastating, humiliating, dehumanizing breakup one could imagine.

In what I would call "The Final Days", which were really more like the last 6 months, things turned progressively worse, rapidly.

If I said "I love you", she would respond "Youre retarded".

A bit insane to hear, but in hindsight, yes I was. She was cheating on me, had other men, had a whole new relationship, wasnt using protection, little did I know.

When we would get together, she went a bit off the deep end regarding sex. For instance, Id be invited to her place. She wanted to shower. Would invite me in... ."Want to join me". Then, after the shower, get angry that I was in the mood to make love, and become angry, accusing me of only using her for sex... .

I mean, she invited me into the shower for pre-make love fun... .yet when I naturally stayed romantic as it progressed to the bed, I was a sex maniac.

She would make irrational and illogical accusations and demands: 

I expect a man to lead in a relationship. He should be a man, lead.

Couple with:

A man who loves his woman treats her like the queen that she is. He yields to her. He does what she needs him to do.

Basically, two statements that set me up for failure regardless. If I led, I was controlling, if I didnt, I wasnt a man.

In the end game, it didnt matter what I did... .it was bad.  Buy her a dozen roses... .how dare me... .the leaves got everywhere and she pricked herself putting them in water... .I am so unthoughtful.

Everything in the end... .was bad.

I only offer this to say, at least for me, when it went there... .I should have known. She had an entirely new relationship all ready to go. I mean months of dating. She moved into his place I believe the day after we broke up. It was that quick.

Its an aweful experience to go through. My only advice, and I wish I could do this part over:   Dont beg. Dont plead to talk, or to have closure. I have read many accounts here and it was my experience personally, that my ex in many ways went in for the worst possible kill possible. More pain for me the better.

She seemed to actually enjoy, knowing I was hurting, and enjoyed me asking, begging to talk.

Save your ego, self dignity, and respect. Dont cry. Dont even show you are upset. It is ALL about power and controll. BPDs fear abandonment. Control, power, is crucial. They will win. Why? Because you care, and have feelings.

They dont, or at least not in the same way. They care to the point they want "someone", anyone... .you... .another guy, its just about making sure bases are covered.

Maintain control. It will wreck you once they have it. They will not give it back until they have to, or need to, such as losing their other sources of saftey.

Just my advice.

[FallBack!Monster]

Thanks a million but nothing new to me. Was sharing with folks here. Always loved her. Never wanted her back. Couldn't be not even mentally loyal to me, much less faithful in other ways. Maybe didn't lie about all but about enough. Believes everyone she's abandoned want her back because they are humans and keep contact. Only until proven wrong, from a distance.  Can't help caring about her but have no doubt how she rolls.  There's a soft, kind side to her but the other side rules.
Sorry you were called retarded.  Nothing wrong with saying "i love you". I say it every day. Retarded implies an IQ of 69 or lower. Your writing does not show an intellectual disability. Means your not retarded. Maybe your ex used wrong words to express internal rage.  We all make mistakes. My ex and I are finally on the same page. In the past I was on my own page. She was all over the world. I couldn't bring her back no matter how I tried. I came here and learned, she is where she wants to be.
Was told my ex never loved me. Not even BPD loved me.  But wanted no one to have me. Only was an obsession. Why would i want no love no matter what? I operate on love. When thought she loved me, I responded to that. Today, i respond to my knowledge. Be who I am, knowing what I always suspected, but now im sure.
Her new thing, finds different methods and people to let me know all she's done behind my back when I gave the benefit the doubt. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt until they don't. 
Thanks but I learned my lesson. No doubt I was only a joke to my ex, the whole time. Todays I've forgiven myself.

[CooperD]

Folks,

Relate completely to everything posted here.

My BPD also used to call me retarded / she would also ask whether I had ever been tested for autism / Aspergers !

I have no such conditions, hold two masters, an undergraduate degree, half a PhD, speak fluent Spanish and work in a role that is incredibly difficult to get into.

The issue is clearly the BPD - pathetic attempts by the BPD to lower our self-esteem and confidence. 

The similarity of stories people have even to the point of particular words being used is really enlightening.