Crisis prevention - round 2

[wendydarling]

Hi

It's been quite a week. I arrived home Tuesday from work to my 28yr daughter's announcement her therapist recommended and had arranged a place for her at the Women's Crisis House (she spent 3 weeks there in February), she'd had 3 assessments that day. She's been at the house since Wednesday, it's a non medical environment where they provide a case manager, talking therapy twice a day and access to someone to talk to 24 hours a day.  DD said her therapist suggested she have time in the house weeks and weeks ago, she'd resisted.

DD's attended weekly DBT since May, she initiated crisis prevention with the crisis team in July, got meds reassessed - the changes really worked for her.

DD's been struggling to sleep for a long time and last Monday (took 6 weeks to get an appointment) her GP provided her 8 sleeping tablets, DD having tried every possible strategy out there. She admitted to using all her unhealthy copying mechanisms, she's wiped out physically, emotionally and mentally and still can't sleep.

Round 2 of crisis prevention since treatment commenced, this time initiated by the therapist.  I'm forever grateful DD is in treatment and has access to the house. They assess progress weekly and she can stay for up to a month and when they consider and she feels well enough she can come home for overnight visits.

It's easy to feel back at square one, I know we are further along the road and every step of the journey is a lesson.

WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

WDx, I am soo sorry your DD is having a tough go of it!  You are very fortunate she has the ability to be honest in her relationship with her therapist and have the access to such a house.

Sleep deprivation is hard to deal with and often times takes many tries to see what works best. My D had been having trouble too and didn't want to add to the current med cocktail, yoga, meditation didn't help, what did was kickboxing and / or Zumba. These activities caused her to be physically exhausted and the endorphin increase helped tremendously with her depression.

Please don't think you are sq 1, you have come such a long way; consider it a "bump" in the road. 

[Lollypop]

Oh my WD what a weight to deal with as you sit by and walk beside her emotionally. You're blessed she's listening and responding to the professional advice (eventually). I can't believe you're having to wait 8 weeks for a GP appointment, say what! Then only to receive sleeping tablets. There's a lesson here somewhere AND also a silver lining WD. Your daughter is doing amazingly well and it was neve going to be easy. You're doing brilliantly and I hope you can pause and find some serenity knowing and having faith in this long process.

Hugs to you good friend.

L

[wendydarling]

Hi BDM and LP - many thanks for your kind support and HUGE apologies for my absence. I hope you and loved ones are doing well  . November and December were very busy months, work, elderly mother care and I kind of ran out of road, focus and time - it's certainly a relief to be back, to the balance.

Crisis prevention round 2 (not ending up in A&E) success, so very proud of my daughter, last time in A&E was February 2016 nearly a year.

DD stayed in the women's crisis home for a month, that's the maximum they allow. Over the first ten days she 'crashed' - let it all out, cried her heart out and had 'talking therapy' twice daily (on top of weekly DBT/therapy) - there is always someone to speak with 24 hours a day. All that emotion she had been holding in the prior months built up - as I read last night in Loving Someone with BPD chapter 10 'nothings wrong - I'm fine' spoke so clearly to me - avoidance of emotion, inhibiting emotion. Her therapist calls her the 'Queen of Avoidance' which while I understand it also feels ironic when this girl is fighting to recover, the path is not clear to her.  Sleep is still a big problem, fortunately her psychiatrist is now monitoring closely. I decided not to visit her in the home until a couple of days before she came home and at her request - though she did pop home regularly to see her kitten Hope, not staying long and often while I was at work.

Where are we now? On 23rd December she made a brave move to stop working for 3-6 months and concentrate full time on her recovery to invest in self care, giving back through volunteering, revisiting her painting and photography with a view to a show (her ex-employer has a gallery where she can show for free - the theme is mental health). Much of the self employed work was social media and she was not enjoying it, it was causing her great anxiety and kicking that into touch has provided her immediate relief, though she will continue produce album covers or anything that uses her art/photography skills and build herself a website. Her therapist had been working with her on identifying her goals - finding out what she would like to do, which DD says is based on 'helping people'.

Oh my Lollypop, you may want to look away for this one   on the financial side I find out DD has recently spent the money she put away for tax and NI since becoming self employed in April.  There is a job for her to sit down and bring her books up to date to see what the damage is - she was earning about £1200 a month, so very likely to be under the personal tax threshold of £11k, another learning journey for her. Disability (if she is awarded it) will be £73 a week as living at home  - not much when there are bills to pay like phone, travel, contact lenses, a kitten due for injections, spading, microchip ... .

So DD has much to work through and I'm walking with her as she sets out her new goals and adjusts to a different way of living for now, investing her time and commitment to learn how to live her life. That said there will be extra jobs for her to contribute and accomplish in the home - starting with the garden and preparing for spring  . and baking - therapy in the home.

As my sister said to me last week, sometimes we all need the space and time to re-group, reflect and accept the challenge to move forward. So very true.

WDx

[Lollypop]

Hi there WD

You've had so much on your plate WD and I know how hard it is to be squeezed on all fronts. Fortunately, your daughter is making her own decisions and I know that, even her decision to resist must be so frustrating for everybody, she's learning to navigate her way to what's best for her.

You must be bursting with pride and exhaling large breaths as she steers herself away from another crisis.

So she's trying something new and more intense. Interesting days for you all.

I'm thinking the sleep problem must be such a big issue. Do you think it could be related to her meds, a symptom or new fixation. I'm sorry to use that word but couldn't think of anything better. I'm thinking she may be very scared about the progress she's making and she's trying to cope in this new territory.

I think these periods where life throws us different focusses are positive. Non-BPD problems that need to be faced and dealt with. It's an indication of normality.

My art course allows me time to reflect and goodness knows I'm learning as much about myself, own relationships and what I want in my own life than I am about BPD. Healthier brain movement.

A bit of space doing nothing is good for the soul WD. I wish you lots if it!
I sincerely hope your daughter finds a way through this horrible period.

Hugs and more

Hugs

L

[Bright Day Mom]

WD,it is good to hear from you again. Completely understand running out of road experience, been there plenty of times.

I think your DD's plan of "rebooting" so to speak sounds like a great idea! When my DD was discharged from her residential program, we had discharge planning meetings about reintegrating back home and to the new life. The plan was put into place so she didn't slide back into old friends, habits, etc.  sounds similar to what your family will be experiencing.  I hope she makes the best of the "clean slate" and continues to heal.

Your D is lucky to have you on this journey, continue what you're doing, you're doing great!

[wendydarling]

Hey, thank you LP and BDM and a belated happy new year to everyone.

Yes, I am bursting with pride. Everything changes, moves so quickly and while I say I'm walking with her, the reality is I’m regularly on catch up, that's how it feels.

LP I understand … a new ‘fixation’... .  in the sense of treating one symptom shifts another prominently to the fore, that’s what appears to be happening from my experience of the last year.  Earlier in the year we had self-harm, depression, anxiety, panic attacks …. then DD lost a significant amount of weight late summer and the sleep disorder followed hot on the heels, where the body is saying I can’t sleep, it’s time to eat, please, that is what I have read.  However, she feels it’s not weight related and claims she is normal weight and her BMI is too. Complete denial. Menstruation has stopped. Yesterday’s med review is resulting in a change of anti-depressant and the anti-psychotic which is causing high prolactin levels and blurred vision. DD says they do not believe meds are causing the sleep disorder.  DDs therapist is moving on in March so there is much change ahead ... .

I hope you and your loved ones continue to thrive, using BDM's words, continue what you're doing, you're doing great! 

WDx