Please help me, separation agreement

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

What's the best way I can maintain low contact and achieve extremely low contact and if possible no contact at all?

We have a child together and I'm only ok with supervised visits (he's agreed to that) but let's be honest that agreeing won't last besides that how can I achieve low contact-no contact? What should I ask my laywer to put in our separation agreement to  enforce that?


He's threatened to harm us

[Dontknow88]

What's the best way I can maintain low contact and achieve extremely low contact and if possible no contact at all?

We have a child together and I'm only ok with supervised visits (he's agreed to that) but let's be honest that agreeing won't last besides that how can I achieve low contact-no contact? What should I ask my laywer to put in our separation agreement to  enforce that?


He's threatened to harm us

[Krazytown]

I am not an expert, but I can share what has worked for us.

All communication is done through TalkingParents.com.  We thought this would cause a decrease in the amount of accusations and emotional messages. Honestly, it hasn't but it does give us a record to take to court that's easy to organize and read. Only respond to messages about the kids schedule or emergencies. Keep communication short, professional and unemotional.

Make sure your parenting plan is completely fool proof.  Detail everything including pick up times, locations, and expectations.  Don't allow anything that is open to interpretation or vague.

Define exactly who can do supervised visits, days, times and location.  Clearly define who is responsible for what decisions when.  Joint decision making is a no-no.  Search parallel parenting and include that in the plan. 

Be prepared that no contact is really hard to accomplish. 

[Dontknow88]

I am not an expert, but I can share what has worked for us.

All communication is done through TalkingParents.com.  We thought this would cause a decrease in the amount of accusations and emotional messages. Honestly, it hasn't but it does give us a record to take to court that's easy to organize and read. Only respond to messages about the kids schedule or emergencies. Keep communication short, professional and unemotional.

Make sure your parenting plan is completely fool proof.  Detail everything including pick up times, locations, and expectations.  Don't allow anything that is open to interpretation or vague.

Define exactly who can do supervised visits, days, times and location.  Clearly define who is responsible for what decisions when.  Joint decision making is a no-no.  Search parallel parenting and include that in the plan. 

Be prepared that no contact is really hard to accomplish. 

Thank you so much !

[Dontknow88]

I am not an expert, but I can share what has worked for us.

All communication is done through TalkingParents.com.  We thought this would cause a decrease in the amount of accusations and emotional messages. Honestly, it hasn't but it does give us a record to take to court that's easy to organize and read. Only respond to messages about the kids schedule or emergencies. Keep communication short, professional and unemotional.

Make sure your parenting plan is completely fool proof.  Detail everything including pick up times, locations, and expectations.  Don't allow anything that is open to interpretation or vague.

Define exactly who can do supervised visits, days, times and location.  Clearly define who is responsible for what decisions when.  Joint decision making is a no-no.  Search parallel parenting and include that in the plan. 

Be prepared that no contact is really hard to accomplish. 

Can I state parallel parenting in the agreement? even if he agrees to give full custody?

[ForeverDad]

Can I state parallel parenting in the agreement? even if he agrees to give full custody?

I don't think so, it could confuse the issues by introducing the concept of his parenting when he's agreeing to a very limited and monitored role.

The concept of parallel parenting (my custody evaluator used the phrase "tag team parenting" means that each parent has separate parenting and one parent doesn't tell or dictate to the other parent what goes on during the other's time.  That's how I understand it.  Considering that aspect, you wouldn't want to use that phrase at all.

[Dontknow88]

I don't think so, it could confuse the issues by introducing the concept of his parenting when he's agreeing to a very limited and monitored role.

The concept of parallel parenting (my custody evaluator used the phrase "tag team parenting" means that each parent has separate parenting and one parent doesn't tell or dictate to the other parent what goes on during the other's time.  That's how I understand it.  Considering that aspect, you wouldn't want to use that phrase at all.

Ok thank you so much

[ForeverDad]

Whatever agreement you work out, be sure you have an experienced lawyer review it before filing it with domestic court so you don't create a major loophole somewhere or put yourself at an unexpected disadvantage.  You can get legal consultations, perhaps at a per hour rate, even if you don't hire an attorney with a retainer.

What types of supervision are appropriate, by family or professionals, where, who pays, is there make up time for missed visitation, etc?

How are holidays and other events, scheduled or unscheduled, handled?  Birthdays?  Weddings and other events on Ex's side of the family?  While many things can be addressed if and when they come up, there are some basic holidays or events that ought to be put in writing.

Very important, there ought to be a paragraph with some language where you can reasonably delay, reschedule or cancel visitation if you consider his mental state at that time limits his ability to have visitation.  And that such delays, rescheduling or canceling do not in themselves constitute blocking.

[Dontknow88]

Whatever agreement you work out, be sure you have an experienced lawyer review it before filing it with domestic court so you don't create a major loophole somewhere or put yourself at an unexpected disadvantage.  You can get legal consultations, perhaps at a per hour rate, even if you don't hire an attorney with a retainer.

What types of supervision are appropriate, by family or professionals, where, who pays, is there make up time for missed visitation, etc?

How are holidays and other events, scheduled or unscheduled, handled?  Birthdays?  Weddings and other events on Ex's side of the family?  While many things can be addressed if and when they come up, there are some basic holidays or events that ought to be put in writing.

Very important, there ought to be a paragraph with some language where you can reasonably delay, reschedule or cancel visitation if you consider his mental state at that time limits his ability to have visitation.  And that such delays, rescheduling or canceling do not in themselves constitute blocking.

Thank you, what if I only want him to have supervised visitation only? He lives in a different country so I don't want my son to go over there by himself or him have him by him self. honestly to help personally unstable he is even if he lived in the same country as me I still wouldn't want him to have him by himself.

his family are OK but now that things are getting ugly I see that they don't care for my concerns. And I can see that I won't maintain the relationship that I had with them. now they want me to leave my son with them (his grandmother) when I go on vacation but a mother will always take her son side and I can see her giving are sent to him by himself. how can I prevent all that to?

when my son is old enough and understand what is going on and still wants to go that is the only time I will allow it. I want it to be educated first, understand the meaning of emotional and physical abuse.


He's high functioning but his personal life is unstable. He's highly suicidal self harm and admitted that he regrets our son existence, belittled me and try to emotionally abuse me, threatened my family safety. and at the same time he wants our son alone I don't feel comfortable with that.