What is your experience with the social media aspect?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I will put this simply because it is driving me insane when I think about it.

What is your experience with your BPD relationship (family/friend/romantic) and social media?  My BPD friend and I had a falling out and haven't spoken (mutually anyway) in almost a month after her telling me to 'LEAVE HER ALONE'.  We are still actively friends on FB and it is really confusing me and traumatizing because I'm struggling with the detachment from someone that I really cared about.  If it was 'really' final... .then why wouldn't she block me or unfriend me?

Now, that being said... .what if said friend was BPD/NPD?  She is 'definitely' on the spectrum.  Could it be that I'm only a body count on her friend list?  Or she's trying to keep frenemy's close?  Or she is just disinterested and 'over it' and it doesn't effect her enough to make the effort of blocking?  I know no one would know for sure but opinions would be great.

Literally, it is making me question everything.  If she would've blocked me, this would be so much easier than watching her updates.  YES.  I know I can block her... .I know.  I cannot bring myself to this point yet.  I cannot detach without going NC... .Viscous cycle.

What is your experiences in your BPD relationships with social media after a disagreement?

[empty-reflection]

I will put this simply because it is driving me insane when I think about it.

What is your experience with your BPD relationship (family/friend/romantic) and social media?  My BPD friend and I had a falling out and haven't spoken (mutually anyway) in almost a month after her telling me to 'LEAVE HER ALONE'.  We are still actively friends on FB and it is really confusing me and traumatizing because I'm struggling with the detachment from someone that I really cared about.  If it was 'really' final... .then why wouldn't she block me or unfriend me?

Now, that being said... .what if said friend was BPD/NPD?  She is 'definitely' on the spectrum.  Could it be that I'm only a body count on her friend list?  Or she's trying to keep frenemy's close?  Or she is just disinterested and 'over it' and it doesn't effect her enough to make the effort of blocking?  I know no one would know for sure but opinions would be great.

Literally, it is making me question everything.  If she would've blocked me, this would be so much easier than watching her updates.  YES.  I know I can block her... .I know.  I cannot bring myself to this point yet.  I cannot detach without going NC... .Viscous cycle.

What is your experiences in your BPD relationships with social media after a disagreement?

[CMJ]

Hi empty-reflection

I'm in a similar situation.
Currently I'm unfriended, but not blocked.
Last time I was blocked, but not everywhere.

It's almost like they're purposely leaving the door open as I'm sure anyone who really wanted you gone would be more thorough.

How to proceed is confusing and it leaves you feeling a bit stuck in limbo.

[ateu]

Hello empty-reflection!

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with your friend.

My BPD is my boyfriend and he just unfriended me because I was calling him out for being with other girls and even seeing photos of him kissing other girls. And the girls were writing: "Finally I have met him again, my soulmate".

He turned that around to be my fault.

So, I don't have same experience as you. But what I do know is that BPD's usually don't follow our logic. There is no way to understand their actions. I think you have to focus on how you are feeling about your friend. Make decisions that will preserve your own sanity.

I wish you all the best!

[Warcleods]

Social media (all of it) is as useful as a selfie stick. 

Luckily, I never became interested in it.  It's a false representation of truth, people only post what they want to post and that leads to the viewers filling in the blanks with their version of fantasy based on very limited information.

I think more people should remove themselves from social media and start living life.

[beggarsblanket]

My BPD ex was afraid of social media. I scarcely use it myself, so it was no big deal.

[empty-reflection]

Thanks guys.  Yeah, I'm not really a big social media user anyway... .FB is the only source I use (I don't have twitter or Instagram, etc).  I use it as a newsfeed for family and old friends.  I do agree that is a fake representation of what you want the world to see. 

I am struggling with the window that was left open and 'why' it was left open.  I wanted to ask this question to people that had more experience than I with BPD and silent treatment.  This is my first experience with the silent treatment in my life of 40 years so it is shocking and confusing.  It sounds minimal and childish for me to feel this way and I am trying to figure out why she wouldn't unfriend me.  I was very close to messaging her "happy thanksgiving" yesterday but I didn't.  I removed her from my 'chat and messaging list' though.  First step for me.  I couldn't stand seeing her on my screen anymore.  It breaks my broken heart, everytime.  I'm trying to gather enough inner strength to block her, but at this point... .it's like telling me to fly like a plane.

I am frustrated with my own inability to 'move forward' for myself.  I'm tired of questioning myself constantly.  Clearly, if she wanted anything to do with me... .she would.  I feel like a pathetic punk and I'm embarrassed for myself... .It feels shameful.  I feel guilt for my 'rational' reaction to the 'irrational'.  I am in therapy for the damage I've taken from this... .I am working on this but this site is good for venting, so I'm venting.  I feel like 'I' am wearing a mask to get through everyday... .  I cannot talk about this in real life.  People don't get it unless they've been directly affected by BPD.  This experience has had a profound effect on my self-esteem.

I am so so so tempted just to 'ask' her why she hasn't blocked/unfriended me.  Maybe just asking her, would force her to do it and then I would have my answer.  I can't help but wonder if the reason for keeping me on her list is for a sinister reason... .she is a musician so the 'followers' are important (NPD is also 'in there' although I feel like she does show remorse, so idk).  On the other hand, I felt I knew her... .the real her.  I also know that she is a 'fighter'.  If someone disagrees with her or makes her upset, she will battle to prove her point.  I've seen this numerous times with her and other people.  With me... .nothing.  Not a peep.  Not an insult.  Silence.  So either she felt I really hurt her and she doesn't know how to react or she really just doesn't give a crap and I'm sitting here... .pathetic and questioning... .still caring about someone who doesn't have the capability or desire to reciprocate.

So frustrating.  I don't know how you guys can struggle for years with someone you love as a romantic partner.  I hurt for you and your stories.  Thank you for listening to me spill it about a friend.  Many of you have a strength impossible to measure and your stories give me strength, insight and a dose of reality.  I hope everyone had a good holiday.   

[Rayban]

Silent treatment and control go hand in hand. It's like she's telling you I don't care to enough to speak with you, but I know you will be pining for me on Facebook. Social media is absolute torture for anyone involved with a person with BPD. You see status updates, and pictures, and inspirational quotes. Your mind does the rest of the damage.  I know it's easier said then done, but you have to find away to unfriend her, block her or else accept that you will become obcessed by someone who doesn't want to be your friend.

[michel71]

My soon to be separated uBPDw had a Facebook account when we met. IT quickly became all about us. Our pictures. Our goings on. Then things started to go South and she would post these sad poems and other comments about betrayal and such. A year into the ___e storm she deleted all our pictures, changed her last name back to her FORMER MARRIED name and literally cut me out of her life. She de-friended me then put me back on. She de-friended mutual friends or my friends for good. I hate to go on my Facebook page because I am tempted to look at hers. I am going to de-activate my account.

[unicorn2014]

I will put this simply because it is driving me insane when I think about it.

What is your experience with your BPD relationship (family/friend/romantic) and social media?  My BPD friend and I had a falling out and haven't spoken (mutually anyway) in almost a month after her telling me to 'LEAVE HER ALONE'.  We are still actively friends on FB and it is really confusing me and traumatizing because I'm struggling with the detachment from someone that I really cared about.  If it was 'really' final... .then why wouldn't she block me or unfriend me?

Now, that being said... .what if said friend was BPD/NPD?  She is 'definitely' on the spectrum.  Could it be that I'm only a body count on her friend list?  Or she's trying to keep frenemy's close?  Or she is just disinterested and 'over it' and it doesn't effect her enough to make the effort of blocking?  I know no one would know for sure but opinions would be great.

Literally, it is making me question everything.  If she would've blocked me, this would be so much easier than watching her updates.  YES.  I know I can block her... .I know.  I cannot bring myself to this point yet.  I cannot detach without going NC... .Viscous cycle.

What is your experiences in your BPD relationships with social media after a disagreement?

I finally removed my pwBPD from my Facebook after numerous friend and unfriend. The last straw was an incident where he accused me of looking for a date on a page I was editing. I blocked him from the page, so he unfriended and blocked me. I accepted him back after that, however I was so angry at him it was leaking out into my replies to his posts and a friend of mine that I introduced to him made a comment. I realized I could no longer be Facebook friends with him. Then he told me that a friend of his refused my request because I was publicly shaming him. I wrote to this friend and this friend ignored me. I'm quite sure my pwBPD has not told either my friends or his friends the truth about his behavior.

IMO it is best not to be friends on Facebook or any social media. I removed him from all my social media except for Instagram. He complained but I did not engage.

[jammit123]

Hi Empty Reflection.  Whenever I come across your posts, I think of my situation.  As you know, I am still hurting over a minor falling out with friend gone waaaaaaaaaaay bad.  Still feel shocked at times that it turned out this way.

I can imagine how hard it is to still be FB friends and see her posts.  I am fortunate that my friend with BPD and I never became FB friends.  I had my reasons for not requesting it in the first place.  Anyway, I would try to steer clear of reaching out to her and asking her why she hasn't unfriended you.  If she is giving the silent treatment (and I know how miserable that feels), she's already sending you a strong message to keep away.  Trust me.  I learned the hard way  

Oh!  I have an idea.  You don't have to unfriend her but can't you select an option to not see her stuff on your newsfeed?  Quite frankly, she totally deserves to be unfriended by you but I completely understand how tough that is.  I get it.  

Oh well.  I'm here to sympathize.

[empty-reflection]

Thanks for your comments guys.  Yeah, I know I could put her on my restricted list... .I've already been thinking about it.  It will probably be my next step before the 'total block'.  At least she isn't on my chat list anymore.  One baby step at a time.  I would still think if she didn't want any contact with me at all... .she would've 'blocked/unfriended' me but honestly, I will never know her motivations.  I have to come to terms with that and need to do what's right for me.  I'm still trying to figure out what that is.  I keep flip flopping trying to read someone else's irrational mind.  We all know how that goes, right?  OH IT ALL SOUNDS SO GOOD ON PAPER! 

I'm having an ok day today.  I feel stronger about everything but it still comes in waves.  Days ago, I found myself crying because I missed talking to her everyday.  I feel like an a-hole because I'm in therapy and 90% of the time I'm talking about her.  I think about the small inconsistent things and it makes the reality clearer.  Even IF she did paint me white again, it would never be the same for me.  I have been in excruciating pain and I feel it has changed me.  I feel like if I ever told her how really 'damaged' I felt by all this... .she would not understand and think I'm being 'over-emotional' and push me away again... .maybe I am over-emotional but I don't know how else to be right now. 

My original goal was to learn to 'detach' from her and if the friendship was able to resume, I would have a better handle on it... .But honesty guys, I'm not great at playing pretend especially after a month of seething, questioning, nightmares, and crying.  I think about all the wasted time I've spent on someone that honestly couldn't have given a crap.  Clearly.  I can understand needing a break or time to think about things but the fact that she couldn't 'say' that and she could fling me away like a worthless t-shirt... .really broke my heart.  I wonder if she thinks about me... .the fact that the answer is probably 'no', is an eye opener.

For now, I'll continue to ride the waves to the best of my ability.  The worst part for me, is the thought of me blocking her makes ME feel like a failure.  I said I would stand by her but WHY?  After this... .WHY?  ugg.  I can hear her saying once she realized I've blocked her, "see, I knew leave too OR about time she gave up".  So frustrating to battle with myself like this.  If only a 49 year old woman could use WORDS.  Here I am... .using too many!   

[caughtnreleased]

Hi Empty reflection,
I had the same thoughts as you.  I've noticed that facebook is actually really manipulative... .the robot itself has BPD I find  . Whenever I log out for a couple days, it starts sending me empty messages and notifications of things that have nothing to do with me. Kind of like a way to bait me back in. It's a needy, clingy robot that apparently suffers from abandonment too. It also suggests I invite my ex boyfriends (BPDex included) to every event I'm attending... .THAT is manipulative because I have no idea what kind of information this robot is using to make these suggestions. Maybe it's your well meaning mother who wants you to get along with everyone, or maybe it's a big corporate evil black box that knows how to pulls at your heartstrings to keep you coming back for more. So the facebook robot has BPD and our exes have BPD. My suggestion is: unfollow your ex... .Maybe in two months you won't really care, or you'll regret having unfriended them, or whatever. So I would suggest the course of action with the least impact (and least emotional questionning) - just unfollow, AND reduce the amount of time you spend on facebook.  I've actually used a blocking mechanism on my browser which I've set to block facebook 6 days a week. I only allow myself one day to go on. On the days it blocks, I get redirected to a website which I've set as: top 10 benefits to quitting facebook. Improved mental health is an observed benefit of quitting... .if that is not reason enough to quit I don't know what is. But beware, I had withdrawal symptoms. I had the itch to go on, but it wore off after about three weeks. I was also hurting from the arrows of pain my BPDex was sending me through his facebook updates (ie: doing things with replacement I explicitly told him I regretted not having done with him). But I didn't want to unfriend, etc. That's been part of the cycle we' ve been in for years... .he sends arrows of pain, I retreat by cutting him off, regret it, go back and he cuts me off. hmmm... .so the key to ending this cycle is for me to STOP being HURT by the arrows (he's BPD, chances of HIS changing are limited)... .I'm getting there and WOW it feels good and incredibly empowering. Imagine that your BPDex no longer hurts you... .not because their behaviour is changing but because the behaviour no longer has that effect on you. Good luck. Some days are better than others. And it's ok to have a bad day