CPS and court

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

[I'm in the UK]

Well, today she announced she is applying to the courts.  Presumably to ask to have the kids full time.  It now becomes clearer why she had a referral to CPS, as she has told me she is applying for exemption from mediation due to the CPS involvement.  Having looked at the exemption she can apply when CPS are involved due to concerns regarding the kids.  She made a 2 page referral to CPS loaded with lies.  CPS are investigating, and are planning to call a child protection conference. She alleges that I am neglecting the kids, that I am refusing counselling for them, and that our son had felt suicidal.  This is not the case, in fact I contacted her earlier this year expressing my concern regarding the kids and our son's suicidal thoughts, and she told me that she had no concerns about either of them, and that our son's thoughts were normal for a boy of his age.  Plus, last year she wrote a message to the school fabricating that she and the kids were having family therapy- which they weren't.  It seems nuts that no-one pays attention to these things.

CPS are assessing me and the kids at home tomorrow.

I am struggling to know how long I can sustain this.  Currently I am feeling quite scared and stressed.

[SES]

[I'm in the UK]

Well, today she announced she is applying to the courts.  Presumably to ask to have the kids full time.  It now becomes clearer why she had a referral to CPS, as she has told me she is applying for exemption from mediation due to the CPS involvement.  Having looked at the exemption she can apply when CPS are involved due to concerns regarding the kids.  She made a 2 page referral to CPS loaded with lies.  CPS are investigating, and are planning to call a child protection conference. She alleges that I am neglecting the kids, that I am refusing counselling for them, and that our son had felt suicidal.  This is not the case, in fact I contacted her earlier this year expressing my concern regarding the kids and our son's suicidal thoughts, and she told me that she had no concerns about either of them, and that our son's thoughts were normal for a boy of his age.  Plus, last year she wrote a message to the school fabricating that she and the kids were having family therapy- which they weren't.  It seems nuts that no-one pays attention to these things.

CPS are assessing me and the kids at home tomorrow.

I am struggling to know how long I can sustain this.  Currently I am feeling quite scared and stressed.

[Panda39]

Hi SES,

My SO did not have to go through an CPS assessment but was dragged into court for child abuse charges. (He threw a phone into the couch) So he and I have not gone through this specific scenario but it is completely natural to be stressed when you're under the microscope. I'm confident you will get through it.  I know you've been documenting and that will be of benefit to you.  Just do your best, have confidence in your dad skills and my only suggestion is to keep any anger towards your ex in check (even though we all know you have every reason to be angry).

Hang in there,
Panda39

[ForeverDad]

While naturally you feel you have to be very defensive with allegations against you, also consider that you will probably do best if you also present yourself as an informed and reasonable parent, not the problem parent but targeted and yet the one with practical solutions.  So don't focus as much on your complaints about her behaviors and actions — though you probably should inform them that she's evidently using the CPS action as a way to improperly sideline the normal court process requiring mediation, stacking the cards against you as it were — as you do focus on what can be done to help the children.

Ponder how you can be proactive, few people win when playing only defense.  And have your documentation with you, you don't know in advance what might be helpful.  And never give away originals, make photocopies if they want something.