Hi AZ,
I am glad you joined us here. I think you will find helpful information and good insights and tips from other members in similar situations.
Being a stepparent has it's own challenges, not to mention being one to someone who has BPD. I can understand your frustration and confusion about how you can possibly move forward with the young woman in your life.
Have you had a look through the resources in the banner on the right here on this page? ----->
The Lessons are particularly helpful, I feel, as they offer practical tips.
I tend to think that empathy and compassion are only possible once we have a little more information about what we are actually dealing with. I said to a friend recently, when discussing my own situation, that "if you know what the world looks like to someone else, it's easier to not take things personally - the good or the bad". It made sense to me to think of it in those terms, because I wasn't tied to the need to have compassion. It allows me to have compassion for the person, which does not in any way mitigate my dislike of their behaviours.
My thinking is that once you have a better handle on what you are actually dealing with in terms of the disorder, and can try out some of the communication tools (See Tools here on the right as well), the situation will marginally, and slowly, improve. This would create little pockets of peaceful co-existence, and the compassion and empathy can flow into those, in their own time.
I am sorry I have nothing more practical to offer in terms of tips. I know others will. So stay with us
Tell us, though, how is your husband in all this? Is this a situation you are managing, or trying to manage, together? Is your own relationship good?
Take care, AZ, and have a lovely Thanksgiving
