Love vs. Infatuation: Did S/He Love Me?

[Learning Fast]

"They loved us in the only way they knew how until they didn't"

I remember reading this in another post months ago and it has stuck with me ever since.  You can call it infatuation or perhaps the equivalent of a youngster's undeveloped understanding of love.  Fleeting and whimsical depending on their emotions of the moment---not unlike a child whose birthday present is the "best ever"---until Christmas. 

Ironically my ex never once referred to intimacy as "making love".  She always called it "making out" like we were teenagers.  Yet we are in our 40s and 50s.

LF

[lovenature]

I believe my ex. loved me as much as she was capable of, and I loved her; while I showed her emotionally mature love, I didn't show it to myself. I continually put her needs ahead of my own, to the point of loosing touch with reality and loosing myself.

A PWBPD mirrors someone to gain the necessary attachment to feel whole and exist (they never successfully went through abandonment depression with their mother and gained a sense of self), problem is once you get too close and they fear you will see who they really are, and fear they will loose themselves in you, resulting in their greatest fear of abandonment, they push you away. They can't understand these behaviours and the reasons for them, it is just intense feelings for them and they react.

I believe the only way a BPD relationship can be healthy enough to be considered worthwhile is for the PWBPD to commit to years of therapy, and their partner to commit to managing their part in the relationship.

[Visitor]

I remember this saying... .

"Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less"-Chuck Klosterman

Borderlines enjoy the stimulation of a new relationship but they seem to get bored once this wears off. I belive there is only two ways they stay in a long term relationship.

1. They stay with one person as a constant but cheat on this person.

2. Their partner pushes them away in some way. In other words the borderline feels their partner doesnt really want them so has to chase them.

So basically they get bored very easily.
 

[ScotisGone74]

Can you truly love someone in a matter of weeks or a month ?  It is not impossible I would say, but is more than likely not usually an adult forever type of love, it is usually more equal to a teenage crush.  I spent alot of time trying to actually tell the exBPD I was not perfect, but after listening to her long enough I finally bought in that maybe we were really meant to be.   In the end I loved her, and after alot of time to ponder I think she did love me... .as well as she could.   And now she is onto the next savior.   And I'm okay with it, it just leaves me shaking my head like seeing a kid out playing in the street with no coat in the middle of winter. 

[steelwork]

He loved me, I loved him. We loved each other with great feeling but without much maturity--on his part or mine. I could pick apart the distinction, the idiosyncratic litmus tests and semantic shadings, but what's the point? What does it get me?

[Curiously1]

They only love the positive feelings and positive interactions that were associated with you. Their love has a time limit. As long as you can keep up with making them feel great, they will call it loving you. In reality, there are ups and downs in a relationship, however there comes a point where they cannot handle the downs and you are blamed for it. They only love the way you make them feel good.