Recommendations of long term residential placements?

[dearmschris]

Hi
After multiple intensive acute hospitalizations, CBAT, IOP and PHPs, it looks like we need to think longer term for our 15 year old daughter.  I would love to hear from people who have sent their kids to a longer term (over 3 months) residential treatment and whether you'd recommend it.  What was the name of the place?  How is your child now?  Thanks so much!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

Our family was in a similar position last winter.  We were like mice on wheel, making no progress whatsoever, simply spinning our wheels.  I'm not sure what state you live?  We were assigned a CMO (care manager) thru the county we live.  Residential placement had been recommended earlier on, but I (mom) couldn't bring myself to it.  Finally, residential was our only remaining option and it truly SAVED our family. 

The program was 9 months and included weekly family sessions which were a tremendous component to recovery.  It has only been 2 months since her "graduation" and we are still receiving support from an in-home therapist, teen girls group, and therapeutic high school w/social worker to transition back.   I would sincerely recommend residential placement particularly if all other option have been exhausted. There are many options out there, we liked the idea she was in our state and we were able to receive counseling as a family,  which allowed our family to strengthen.  Be careful and do your homework, like anything else in life, there are better facilities than others out there.  My D's was a 1:3 ratio, all girl (5 max) house, raging from 14-17 yrs old.  The staff was wonderful and treated each child both in a group and one to one setting, so her treatment was tailored to her personal needs.

[473harman]

Sorry to hear about your daughter. We also seemed to go round and round trying to figure another way around residential but also were left with no other choice.

What state are you in? And are you looking for schooling as well? Are you looking for insurance to cover or private pay?

My 16 year old was in McLean over the summer and was then placed in Greenbrier Academy for Girls. Both are wonderful, but both are private pay

[dearmschris]

We are in MA.  My daughter was in McLean 2East (which took insurance) twice since September.  In between she was at Bournewood inpatient.  She's supposed to be in a PHP now.  Her therapists are recommending residential schooling, like Glenhaven in Marlborough, which doesn't take insurance.  We'd love to have her go to McLean 3East but that is $38,000 a month, which isn't possible.  How was your daughter's experience at a residential placement?

[Deckchairs]

What a tough decision! I remember that day 16 years ago. Our daughter was also recommend for long term treatment during a pysch hospitalization when she was 14. She had become so out of contol. We had tried day treatment. She was kicked out. She was becoming violent and criminal. Stole my car. At the time we felt we had no choice and were saving her life.

Our insurance covered a 4 month stay at an out of state dual diagnosed treatment center 200 miles away. She refused to go, so the teatment center drove to the hospital and got her. It was horrible,  gut wrenching. One of the most difficult things I have ever done.

She was non compliant for most of her stay. We drove 200 miles every other week for family therapy. There were times we went and she would have such melt downs that these sessions lasted 5 minutes.

Did it help? I am not sure. My goal was to keep her alive. We did accomplish that. At the time she was diagnosed ADHD and ODD. It was not until 3 years later that she was correctly diagnosed with bipolar.

I must add, that she tells us today that she has never forgiven  us for putting her through this. I can not say where we would be today if we had not made that choice. I still feel we saved her life.

My heart breaks for you. No one ever should have to be put in this position. You know your child,  and your gut will tell you what needs to be done. Wishing you peace in whatever choice you make.

[dearmschris]

Thanks for your responses.  It's just so hard to decide which path to take.  I keep hoping maybe we could create a support net at home, through therapy and groups so she's home and still learning skills.  Residential would not happen overnight - she needs an IEP before they will take her and she's never had one before.  I just wonder if we could help her from home so she doesn't have to go away.  I'm afraid if she goes away for 8 months or so, that I'll somehow 'lose' her.  Then I tell myself to think of her needs and I still struggle with what she exactly needs.

[Bright Day Mom]

The decision process is not an easy one, I guess part of being a parent.  We put it off and struggled tirelessly before taking the next step to admission. 

Since she doesn't have an IEP, that may be the first line of business. Does she currently attend school?  If so, how are things going there: socially, academically, etc? Our D16 was struggling tremendously school w/her anxiety; she was unable to stay for the whole day and her safety was a concern. You can request an IEP meeting and the school district can begin the process, expediting it if she is hospitalized and / or suffering too much day-to-day.

As for your fear of "losing her" if she is away for months, that is valid/understandable. In our instance our D was 45 minutes away and we were very involved with her treatment. I can honestly say residential has brought us closer together and we are all stronger from it.

I wish you and your family the best and hope whichever direction you decide that she begins healing.

[473harman]

dearmschris
The decision to place our daughter was the hardest decision we have ever made. She is 500 miles away and it is absolutely devastating not having her here, even at her worst.

I will share more of our story - every situation is different -
We struggled for months on whether to place  our daughter. She was spiraling out of control. We tried to cope at home. Group DBT and individual therapy. Then individual therapy twice a week and another group. Nothing helped. Her psychiatrist was getting weekly calls from us and practically begging us to send her to residential. the drugs, lying, stealing and self injury were too much. Visits to the ER where she would be released as long as she spoke to her therapist. We were unequipped to help her - if your child has a physical illness do you ever hesitate to take them to a specialist? never

The final straw (or straws) were her indications of dealing drugs, and falling out of a tree while drunk (where she only sprained her ankle, but could've been paralyzed). She willingly went to 3East, but after many weeks there, the team felt she needed further help. She did not want to go a residential boarding school but did. And she has complained. However - she has thanked me. For sending her to McLean and saving her life. For not taking her home after McLean as she would've went back to her old ways. Every day is different and I take nothing for granted. But I do know that I've done all I can to save her. If she hates me down the road, I'll take that chance. I know that I could not help her - not all the love in the world could help her - she needs experts and caring, compassionate clinical caregivers at this point so that she can one day have a life worth living.

sorry if this is long- it was therapeutic for me to write. Take care of yourself and always remember that you are doing the best you can right now. I wish you healing this holiday, and peace.

[dearmschris]

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. She is home right now.  She had strep while she was in an inpatient and I took her home.  She's been in good spirits the 9 days she's been home.  She's not going to school, eating what she wants, sleeping in and smoking cigarettes.  Monday she should start at a PHP.  I'm not hopeful that much will be achieved there.  She was admitted to a dual diagnosis floor because we found out she had been smoking pot, drinking and then stealing her sister's Ritalin.  Throughout her treatment, she has maintained one goal - to stop using pills.  She plans to continue to smoke cigarettes and she says she will smoke pot. 
She was taken to the ER a few weeks back because she 'jokingly' stole a pack of exacto knives from our locked cabinet.  She claims it was a joke and that she gave them back to us.  Her therapist sectioned her.  4 police cars and an ambulance came to take her to ER and she was just looking at me like 'what did I do? I was joking'. 
Since she's been so happy this week, home sick from inpatient and just hanging out, I like to pretend that everything is okay.  She's not sullen like she has been the last year.  I am so afraid of sending her to a residential treatment and then realizing she could have gotten better at home.  How  would she get better at home?  I have no idea because I don't know what to do except stay calm when she gets mad and angry.  If there was a medical condition, you're right, we'd be all over it.  With this diagnosis, I wonder if we can handle it here at home.  I know I'm saying this during a calm time.  I feel so sad for her and so sad that she may go away for a while.  I'll miss her so much.  I feel like I wasn't paying enough attention to her growing up to not notice the signs and get help earlier.  Our other daughter is 11 and we have been struggling with her since she was 2 1/2; diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD, anxiety, depression.  Our 15 year old was steady, good student, creative, curious, normal until about a year and a half ago - end of 8th grade.  It was easy to chalk it up to teenage behavior, particularly since she was our first.
I realize this is long.  I feel understood and supported on this forum.  Every one of the posts you've written has helped me to stay strong and stay hopeful.

[473harman]

its so easy to blame ourselves and it is so important to take care of ourselves as well. As you are deciding what to do, try and practice DBT skills for yourself. There are so many good books out there, and get support wherever you can find - non judgmental friends, family, here, wherever you can. Take care of yourself! This is a wonderful supportive community that has helped me many times.

[dearmschris]

I have ordered a DBT book for myself and my partner.  So I wrote earlier that she seemed to be doing very well since coming home from her inpatient (she had strep).  This morning my partner told me that my daughter has been getting high since she's been home.  My partner knew it and allowed it. So everything I thought this past week, that she was using her skills, etc.  went right out the window because she was high.  It feels like a week wasted to get her help.  Without the pot, we would have seen how she was functioning; now, her behavior is affected by the pot.  Grrrrrr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders