At Fault Divorce Almost Settled - Joint 50/50 Custody, Now What?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I filed for a TRO and at fault divorce October 10 against my son to be ex-wife, and the settlement has almost been reached and signed. However, as I stated in a previous post, after all of the abuse to me and my son, the drinking, drug use, several affairs, porn shoots, and sex solicitations on Craigslist and other sites, the lies to me and marriage counselors and therapists, I had almost lost my job, mind, and sobriety. I did not know that she has BPD nor what it was until her grandmother finally told me about it this past Thanksgiving.
Needless to say, before I had to cut the rope and file for divorce, I tried everything to salvage our relationship and marriage; I did and still do love her. Out of ignorance (I didn't know she had BPD until Thanksgiving) I admit that I did almost everything that I now know I shouldn't have done, a few of the things that I should have.  Hind sight is 20/20, and I would have done things differently. I was forced to set and enforce boundaries, have no direct contact, etc.
Since filing, her behavior has become extremely aggressive and hateful towards me, won't tell me or the lawyers where she will be with our son for Christmas, engages in outlandish disparagement, stalks me, using our son as leverage and as a basis for manipulation (it doesn't work), and makes outlandish demands and threats if I don't meet her last minute Plans conflicts designed to interfere with my custody time and trips, etc. I call her family regarding trips and itenararies when she won't tell me which sets her off.  I am assertive and strictly enforce all boundaries which will be enforceable once the settlement is accepted and made binding by the court.
However, she has stalled, delayed, and fought every item of the settlement, especially custody, regardless of how seemingly trivial right up until the last minute before the judge has had to issue an order making her comply. She has done the same regarding his education and healthcare. Is late to drop our son off at exchanges, and tries to change the date and time often. She says it's out of her regard for our son's needs, but in reality it's a blatantly obvious power play based on her need to control just to make life difficult and get back at me regardless of the effect on our son. She has been devious and coniving throughout the entire process regardless of the cost to friends, family, and our son.
Here are my questions (please keep in mind I'm a newbie):  since she refused to admit she has BPD and get treatment, will this behavior continue and get worse? Will she adhere to the terms of the settlement agreement once accepted and made binding by the court?  How do I explain the situation to my 5 yo son and nurture him? How do I effectively assert myself and enforce boundaries as well as the terms set forth in the agreement? NOW WHAT?  Thank you in advance. Your help and guidance are much appreciated.

[LostHusband76]

I filed for a TRO and at fault divorce October 10 against my son to be ex-wife, and the settlement has almost been reached and signed. However, as I stated in a previous post, after all of the abuse to me and my son, the drinking, drug use, several affairs, porn shoots, and sex solicitations on Craigslist and other sites, the lies to me and marriage counselors and therapists, I had almost lost my job, mind, and sobriety. I did not know that she has BPD nor what it was until her grandmother finally told me about it this past Thanksgiving.
Needless to say, before I had to cut the rope and file for divorce, I tried everything to salvage our relationship and marriage; I did and still do love her. Out of ignorance (I didn't know she had BPD until Thanksgiving) I admit that I did almost everything that I now know I shouldn't have done, a few of the things that I should have.  Hind sight is 20/20, and I would have done things differently. I was forced to set and enforce boundaries, have no direct contact, etc.
Since filing, her behavior has become extremely aggressive and hateful towards me, won't tell me or the lawyers where she will be with our son for Christmas, engages in outlandish disparagement, stalks me, using our son as leverage and as a basis for manipulation (it doesn't work), and makes outlandish demands and threats if I don't meet her last minute Plans conflicts designed to interfere with my custody time and trips, etc. I call her family regarding trips and itenararies when she won't tell me which sets her off.  I am assertive and strictly enforce all boundaries which will be enforceable once the settlement is accepted and made binding by the court.
However, she has stalled, delayed, and fought every item of the settlement, especially custody, regardless of how seemingly trivial right up until the last minute before the judge has had to issue an order making her comply. She has done the same regarding his education and healthcare. Is late to drop our son off at exchanges, and tries to change the date and time often. She says it's out of her regard for our son's needs, but in reality it's a blatantly obvious power play based on her need to control just to make life difficult and get back at me regardless of the effect on our son. She has been devious and coniving throughout the entire process regardless of the cost to friends, family, and our son.
Here are my questions (please keep in mind I'm a newbie):  since she refused to admit she has BPD and get treatment, will this behavior continue and get worse? Will she adhere to the terms of the settlement agreement once accepted and made binding by the court?  How do I explain the situation to my 5 yo son and nurture him? How do I effectively assert myself and enforce boundaries as well as the terms set forth in the agreement? NOW WHAT?  Thank you in advance. Your help and guidance are much appreciated.

[sad but wiser]

Dear Lost Husband,
  First, let me say that you are not alone
  Also it was unconscionable for her family to have known and not informed you before the wedding.  Telling someone that they have BPD often backfires and usually has no positive effect.  Furthermore, it means she has been this way long before you came on the scene.  Nothing you did caused it, because you were under the assumption that she was normal (or reasonably so) and acted accordingly.  Indeed, I am sure she insists that you are the crazy one.
  Answers?  Just our experiences to guide you
Will she stop hating you and using your son.  Probably not.  Ever.
Will she comply with the agreement she signed?  Heck no, but you had better or she'll threaten you.
How old is your son?  Oh, I see it 5.  I don't know how to really explain to a five year old.  Just love him and answer any questions simply and truthfully I guess.

[sad but wiser]

Oh, one more thing.  Some do get worse, but most just ignore reality.  Reality is what they make it, just like before.  There is little lasting emotional growth with BPD.  You will find her denying what the agreement says in black and white, making up laws about being able to appeal based on she was pressured into it.  Drama on steroids.  Just do your best to shield your son from all that is my best advice.  Take care of yourself, too.  Guilt is inappropriate here.  She wasn't actually eligible to get married because she could not perform the basic legal and ethical expectations of marriage. So you were not making an informed decision to marry her.  BPD can be managed, but not really cured.  It usually takes at least one person's whole attention to manage someone with BPD.  Or you can parent your son, which is actually a gift to her.

[LostHusband76]

Thank you.

[LostHusband76]

My soon to be ex continues to delay signing, use my son as leverage, will not tell me what her Holliday plans are, and tries to make changes to visitation at the last minute. I don't put up with it, continue to be assertive and keep firm boundaries. I expect this to continue if not escalate, once the divorce agreement is fully executed and its terms, especially 50/50 custody, are made binding.  What are the best and most efficient and effective ways to force her to adhere to the terms, maintain boundaries, protect my son, and effectively let her know that I won't put up with her BS and there will be real consequences?  Is it possible or a pipe dream?