Bpd wife

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have come to the conclusion that my wife of 10 years has BPD. She has never been diagnosed but from what I have read on numerous sights I have no doubt.
She has left me numerous times in the past that I go chasing after her. Everytime she decides she doesn't want me anymore I end up in jail because of her lies or have a protection order issued.I have never done anything to warrant these but anytime she feels threatened or I try to set boundaries or have expectations or an argument ensues this is what happens. She has drug issues, no control
Over her finances, lies, steals from me and others, gets credit cards in other people's names, etc.
This last time she tried to claim I was abusive again towards her and her teenage daughter. I was woke up at 4am after a argument earlier with her by police asking me all sort of crazy questions that she had claimed. I left that house that night and returned a few days later to retrieve some clothes. I didn't talk to her for a few days as we were still arguing. After not talking to her she again filed another PO ( make this the 4th time) with all sorts of claims of abuse to her and her daughter. I have not talked to her since. Upon the hearing my attorney presented info that she had committed fraud against me and other people. In addition lie detector tests that I had taken in the past to avoid prosecution because of her lies. The judge luckily saw through all her lies and did not act on her claims but left the No contact PO in place for a year. But he did let my attorney know that I could file fraud charges against her. Finally the worm turns.
I ended up filing for divorce in fear that if I don't get away from her I will end up in prison or jail for things that I never have done to her. I just don't understand how someone that claims to love you can be so cold and non caring. After 10
Years I know when it is coming because she says she sees red. She has threatened me with a knife, thrown items, kicked things around, and when she hurts herself she blaims me. But on the other side of the coin she can be the most loving and caring person. I know she abandonment issues, was sexually abused as a teen, and weekends that she just dissapears without a trace and never told me anything. Trying to call her is futile as she lies about where she is and when I question it she shuts off her phone and comes home when she wants, usually Sunday.
I have gotten into counseling to deal with my issues of codependency but all this is very hard so far to stay away from her and keep my head straight. It's been 4
 Months and I have had no contact with her.

[Confusedman53]

I have come to the conclusion that my wife of 10 years has BPD. She has never been diagnosed but from what I have read on numerous sights I have no doubt.
She has left me numerous times in the past that I go chasing after her. Everytime she decides she doesn't want me anymore I end up in jail because of her lies or have a protection order issued.I have never done anything to warrant these but anytime she feels threatened or I try to set boundaries or have expectations or an argument ensues this is what happens. She has drug issues, no control
Over her finances, lies, steals from me and others, gets credit cards in other people's names, etc.
This last time she tried to claim I was abusive again towards her and her teenage daughter. I was woke up at 4am after a argument earlier with her by police asking me all sort of crazy questions that she had claimed. I left that house that night and returned a few days later to retrieve some clothes. I didn't talk to her for a few days as we were still arguing. After not talking to her she again filed another PO ( make this the 4th time) with all sorts of claims of abuse to her and her daughter. I have not talked to her since. Upon the hearing my attorney presented info that she had committed fraud against me and other people. In addition lie detector tests that I had taken in the past to avoid prosecution because of her lies. The judge luckily saw through all her lies and did not act on her claims but left the No contact PO in place for a year. But he did let my attorney know that I could file fraud charges against her. Finally the worm turns.
I ended up filing for divorce in fear that if I don't get away from her I will end up in prison or jail for things that I never have done to her. I just don't understand how someone that claims to love you can be so cold and non caring. After 10
Years I know when it is coming because she says she sees red. She has threatened me with a knife, thrown items, kicked things around, and when she hurts herself she blaims me. But on the other side of the coin she can be the most loving and caring person. I know she abandonment issues, was sexually abused as a teen, and weekends that she just dissapears without a trace and never told me anything. Trying to call her is futile as she lies about where she is and when I question it she shuts off her phone and comes home when she wants, usually Sunday.
I have gotten into counseling to deal with my issues of codependency but all this is very hard so far to stay away from her and keep my head straight. It's been 4
 Months and I have had no contact with her.

[TommyBahama]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through.  Many persons with BPD lie.  My wife does all the time and would even go as far as saying she swears on her mom and on her son.  Are you sure that she will not lie on you again if you go back?  Is she getting help for her BPD?

[Confusedman53]

I can't take the chance of her lying anymore as this is getting serious. She has never went for help with the BPD. Although I have told her
Many times that she needs to go talk to someone. She had also put drugs in a glass of tea she gave me. Sold both of the cars I was restoring after I left and claimed they were stolen. It's just to much to deal with. I love her but somewhere you have to draw the line.

[Lucky Jim]

I love her but somewhere you have to draw the line.

Hey Confusedman, Are you ready to draw the line?  If so, how will you go about it?  Only you know when it's time to get off the roller coaster.

LuckyJim