Introduction to this site

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Dear All, I've come from another site that is soon to close down and I know that when times get difficult the help from people in the same situation is invaluable. I've been married for 42 years to a NP/BP stbx and it has been so hard I know I have been lucky not to have ended up in a mental home! I started the separation process 4 months ago and moved out of the marriage home as he would not - he doesn't really understand why I have been so unhappy he thinks I should just knuckle under and complete my life with him until I die! No Way! I have had enough and decided to make the break and trust the world because I did not now how I would tackle it. I've moved into a rented house until ours is sold and practically I am stable it's the emotional aspect that is so difficult and also the fact that many of my friends are sympathising with him and taking his side. At the start it seemed reasonable that sides are not taken but I cannot bear to be anywhere near him and certainly not ever under the same roof, now I have woken up and it does seem impossible I can trust anyone who befriends my stbx, in my opinion an abuser etc with a lot of BP traits as well as NP - they just do not understand where I am coming from but thanks to these sites to have validation and understanding and practical help when needed is invaluable to me - I am very lonely at present, retired so do not have the company of work colleagues either. As I have moved a couple of miles away I don't even see the dog walking friends I have had for many years. I'm trying to make new friends but it takes time.
I am dreading the financial settlement because I know he wants everything that is mine and this battle will be starting soon as I am in the process of sorting the out the financial disclosure.
 
Thank you for accepting me on this site I am most grateful in fact I think these sites are actually life savers and I do mean they save lives!
Best wishes to everyone
Liz Healey

[lizhealey]

Dear All, I've come from another site that is soon to close down and I know that when times get difficult the help from people in the same situation is invaluable. I've been married for 42 years to a NP/BP stbx and it has been so hard I know I have been lucky not to have ended up in a mental home! I started the separation process 4 months ago and moved out of the marriage home as he would not - he doesn't really understand why I have been so unhappy he thinks I should just knuckle under and complete my life with him until I die! No Way! I have had enough and decided to make the break and trust the world because I did not now how I would tackle it. I've moved into a rented house until ours is sold and practically I am stable it's the emotional aspect that is so difficult and also the fact that many of my friends are sympathising with him and taking his side. At the start it seemed reasonable that sides are not taken but I cannot bear to be anywhere near him and certainly not ever under the same roof, now I have woken up and it does seem impossible I can trust anyone who befriends my stbx, in my opinion an abuser etc with a lot of BP traits as well as NP - they just do not understand where I am coming from but thanks to these sites to have validation and understanding and practical help when needed is invaluable to me - I am very lonely at present, retired so do not have the company of work colleagues either. As I have moved a couple of miles away I don't even see the dog walking friends I have had for many years. I'm trying to make new friends but it takes time.
I am dreading the financial settlement because I know he wants everything that is mine and this battle will be starting soon as I am in the process of sorting the out the financial disclosure.
 
Thank you for accepting me on this site I am most grateful in fact I think these sites are actually life savers and I do mean they save lives!
Best wishes to everyone
Liz Healey

[livednlearned]

Welcome and hello 

It takes a lot of courage to up and leave like that, especially after 42 years of marriage. I'm so sorry that friends are sympathizing with him, and that you've had to relocate and leave your dog walking friends behind. Yes, it does take time to meet new people. I found I also had to heal and let go of the storyline a little so I didn't bring it with me into new relationships.

Is there any contact between the two of you, or have things mostly gone silent?

What are your goals with the financial settlement? Are you feeling good about your lawyer?

LnL

[ForeverDad]

It sounds like he will make demand for compliance, appeasement, etc.  In this case, the law is on your side.  If you set your boundaries not to be taken advantage of, then the process and rules can keep him from being too over-whatever.  The financial aspect is one place the courts can excel, they can address the issues while ignoring most of the blaming, posturing, etc.