Filing incident report

[Submarine]

I'm not sure which category I should be in, but this is about a former classmate

I'm about to file an incident report with the police this week. I went to the school's gender office twice over the last two years regarding the incident, and approached a psychiatrist to shine some light on his behavior (it started with an angry outburst in public, followed by messages, online bullying, smear campaign, and stalking) . The psych felt that this individual exhibited classic BPD symptoms and told me not to engage (I agree with her but it's easier said than done, because the behavior is sporadic - happens whenever he gets triggered - even though I don't respond to any of it and I have gone no contact, even distanced myself from common friends). It went on-off for 2 years.

I've been advised to file an incident report even though the person has left the country. I'm very disappointed because the gender office hasn't been very reliable - delayed responses, nothing on record, got details wrong on the report, etc. I've also begun to feel uncomfortable around our mutual friends, who know of the falling out, but continue to interact with him and justify it by saying he's ok sometimes. I feel like I have no support. I've told my family but for them it's more like, thanks for giving us an update.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Submarinea:   

I'm sorry about your situation.  Everyone's situation is a bit different, but the basic problem is shared by many.  A person with BPD (pwBPD), paints someone black and a smear campaign ensues.  Commonly, it involves romantic partners, a parent painting one child black, or a sibling painting another sibling black.  Whether it involves a relative, partner or friend, the pain and torment from the situation is the same.

Although the circumstances and the role the pwBPD plays in an individual's life is different, the drama and pain of being painted black is the same.  Social media can become a battle ground (don't engage).  The pwBPD is generally successful in convincing others that you are the problem, not them.  They can appear normal to others and not act out with them in the manner that they do with you.

The best thing you can do is to continue to not interact with the person with BPD, not discuss this person with friends, not mention them or reply to any comments about them on social media. Block them in every way possible.  Don't let yourself be in any situation for online bullying.  Ask yourself why would you go to any social media where you are bullied?  You can't be bullied if you don't participate.

If the person stays out of the country, then you won't see them in social situations.  Structure your social media encounters to permanently exclude the BPD person.  If you don't engage with them (or give evidence of a reaction), the pwBPD will find a new target.  If "friends" don't support you, then you may need to examine whether they are really your friends or just acquaintances that you don't need in your life.  If necessary, develop a new social circle.