Worst Advice Received from Your Lawyer?

[Aiming4Kindness]

As I begin the legal journey of separating from my BPD fiancee (we have an eight month old) and finding myself putting much of my life in the hands of a lawyer who I think is really good, I want to be sure that I avoid as many obstacles as possible.

What's the worst advice you received from your legal counsel?  What were the consequences of following it, and what would you do differently now?

[Freeagain2017]

My lawyer and T (as well as others) told me that my husband is abusive towards me and the kids, and I should get TPO. I was reluctant to include the kids for the PO, but she insisted I should. I was denied the PO in court since he was not physically abusive towards me and not sufficiently towards the kids (the standards the court apply is that if there are no bruises, it does not count as abusive).
The denial made him even more abusive, and fight for at least 50% custody although he could not care less about the kids. 

[Aiming4Kindness]

Thanks so much for sharing your story, FreeAgain2017.

[ForeverDad]

At my new lawyer's first appearance in court he told me to stay quiet, that any problems with the magistrate's temp order would be fixed later.  Didn't happen, well, not for almost two years!  His thought was that the hearing for temp orders is very brief.  We had a prior temp order where separated spouse had temp custody and majority time, I had alternate weekends.  It had been dismissed some 3 months before and without an order she blocked all contact.

So this time I had filed for divorce.  Magistrate was totally unconcerned that I hadn't seen or spoken with my preschooler for 3 months.  He confirmed it with her then said "I'll fix that" and made a new temp order almost identical to the prior one.  No make up time.  No admonition.  Not even a finger wagged at her.

At subsequent hearings I complained I couldn't be involved with counseling she took him to.  It required two failed mentions at hearing and then a special hearing for my motion for an order for statutory access to records, granted.  Temp order didn't change.  Neither did the temp order change when the court's own parenting investigation recommended equal time.  Neither did the temp order change when the Custody Evaluator's report recommended she immediately lose temp custody.  The temp order remained unchanged the entire time until nearly two years later the final decree went into effect.

[trappeddad]

the "worst" advice from lawyers is too numerous to list easily.      here are some of them:

- do not settle with my ex as we will have more leverage to settle later.      all my lawyer was doing with this comment was to rack up the bills for them and their court expert friends.   waiting until later but me in a much worse position.   i should have fired my lawyer when they refused to settle.
- not fight the court experts (child psychologist and CE) that attacked me.     the lawyers had alliances with these people and would not fight them.      i should have fired these lawyers.
- listening to a lawyer that said they would prepare for trial.   my lawyer was not prepared and mostly winged it.

if i had to do all over again, i would have invested in a top lawyer.     

[Dontknow88]

As I begin the legal journey of separating from my BPD fiancee (we have an eight month old) and finding myself putting much of my life in the hands of a lawyer who I think is really good, I want to be sure that I avoid as many obstacles as possible.

What's the worst advice you received from your legal counsel?  What were the consequences of following it, and what would you do differently now?

Worst advice I ever got was to not mention my ex mental illnesses, emotional abuse and self harming. It seemed like my lawyer was taking his side.  So I've  going against his advice and no regrets z

[david]

My biggest mistake early on was not knowing the rules of the game and assuming my attorney would take care of everything. The attorney just went through the motions in court and said that is the way it goes in court. Sitting in court and listening to various attorneys showed me that some are better, much better, than others.
I started looking for a new attorney. Talked to a bunch until I found one that listened to my concerns, answered my questions (told me what the courts can and can not do and the reasons why), challenged me when he thought I was wrong ( and listened to my reasoning and would sometimes change his mind when he understood what I was saying). It was two people working together towards a common goal. I made the goal and he would tell me what he needed to achieve it. However, by then I knew the rules much better so I was usually able to provide him with what he wanted right away. Knowing what you want to achieve and also willing to compromise on the things that are not as important is a key to success in court.
Not compromising on what is important and standing firm is also good in court. I was challenged by the custody evaluator about my proposed custody schedule during the school year. I had reasons and stood firm. His report recommended my schedule without explanation. The judge questioned me, on the stand, since the proposed schedule was not the way our courts usually do it. I explained my reasons again and he challenged me on a few points. I was calm and well prepared because I believed what I was saying. The schedule is exactly the way I proposed. 

[scraps66]

Just wait it out.  I filed for divorce while my ex was not working.  A school teacher.  My first attorney told me to just remain in the house and see if ex would go back to work.  She did, a year later, and at the same time filed for exclusive possession of the marital residence.  I was booted from the house, no questions asked.  I was out of the house for 15 months and an expense of $30k in alternate living arrangements. 

The first year of the case nothing happened.  That was a mistake, a big mistake that would then give ex control for the remainder of the case. 

Waiting on anything in your case is not a good recommendation.

[Aiming4Kindness]

Thanks so much, everybody!  So grateful for you.