I have BPD and i'm suicidal

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello.
Since 2 years ago i have to do the job i really don't like because i have to support my family.
For all these years battling with BPD and suicidal thoughts, 2 nights ago for the very first time i really consider to suicide. Nothing extraordinary happened, am just tired with my life, with the pain, i feel like i don't really care for anything anymore. I cannot afford a psychiatrist or escitalopram anymore and no one seem to understand so i won't bother tell anyone.
This is very difficult. Now i feel numb and act indifferent to escape the pain.
I tried to tell my spouse a year ago but he doesn't seem to understand. Some people think this is something very very sick, like i'm gonna linger on the street talking to myself or something.
Is there any online center or pdf book that i can read and learn to cope with BPD. I really need to fix this fast, i cannot even concentrate on my job anymore. 
Thank you.

[IsabellawithBPD]

Hello.
Since 2 years ago i have to do the job i really don't like because i have to support my family.
For all these years battling with BPD and suicidal thoughts, 2 nights ago for the very first time i really consider to suicide. Nothing extraordinary happened, am just tired with my life, with the pain, i feel like i don't really care for anything anymore. I cannot afford a psychiatrist or escitalopram anymore and no one seem to understand so i won't bother tell anyone.
This is very difficult. Now i feel numb and act indifferent to escape the pain.
I tried to tell my spouse a year ago but he doesn't seem to understand. Some people think this is something very very sick, like i'm gonna linger on the street talking to myself or something.
Is there any online center or pdf book that i can read and learn to cope with BPD. I really need to fix this fast, i cannot even concentrate on my job anymore. 
Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi IsabellawithBPD:
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. The resources below can be helpful for you. Do you live in the US? The first two suicide prevention resources below are for the US. The other two can be helpful wherever you live.
 
SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE:
The website below has a phone number to call for a local suicide hotline and has information to support suicide survivors and family

www.suicidepreverntionlifeline.org/#

TEXT CRISIS LINE
www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/

SUICIDE AND CRISIS SUPPORT
       https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

PANIC LIST FOR DISTRESS TOLERANCE
   www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html




 

[anna58]

Isabella,
I am sorry to hear you are feeling suicidal and so desperate. I am new here, too. I may not know exactly the right thing to say. But I think these intense feelings will pass. Can you call a suicide hotline? Is there anyone you can call or talk to? I'm glad you posted here. You found a good group. I think there may be a group for people with BPD that might help, too.   Try BPDcentral.com or BPDworld.org

[Naughty Nibbler]

IsabellaWithBPD: 

The links below lead to some information on DBT Self Help, that could be helpful for you. DBT is a type of therapy that many people with BPD find helpful .

www.dbtselfhelp.com

https://dbtskillstraining.wordpress.com/

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Family-Guidelines-standard.pdf

www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

A good place to start is with coping skills.  This link to exercises to "Improve the Moment" might be helpful:

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

This Link leads to a "Panic List for Distress"
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html

I hope you will find something above to be helpful. Please try and reach out for some medical assistance. Most communities have resources for those who can't afford it.

Best wishes,

[IsabellawithBPD]

Dear all,
Thanks for the support. Will read and learn from the links you all gave me.
I live in Asia. Cannot find any discussion group here.
I am considering to tell my spouse, but fear that his reaction won't be good. Any suggestion about where i should start?
All these years, i found that my symptoms are varying, sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets worse (in a different specific traits), why is this happening? What should i avoid to stop making it worse?
Best regards.

[heartandwhole]

Hi IsabellawithBPD,

I am very sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now, but it is great to see you reaching out for help and support—a very brave and scary thing to do. It makes a lot of sense that you have had ups and downs, with varying intensity of symptoms. That can be really hard to deal with, and I can very much understand being tired of dealing with that. I feel like that, too, sometimes. 

This site is a support group for those who are or were in a relationship with a person with BPD, so many of the posts can be triggering and/or not helpful to a BPD sufferer. Thankfully there are resources out there for people dealing with BPD. Please check out Resources for BPD Sufferers.

I wish you well on your journey. Keep reaching out for support, IsabellawithBPD; there IS help—and hope!—out there. 

heartandwhole

[Naughty Nibbler]

IsabellaWithBPD

All these years, i found that my symptoms are varying, sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets worse (in a different specific traits), why is this happening? What should i avoid to stop making it worse?

BPD can be genetic, environmental or a combination of both. Anyone in your family have mental health or behavioral issues (anxiety, depression, etc). Sometimes stopping medication abruptly can put you in a distressed state.

A good place to start is with the links below and try some things to help handle your emotions.

IMPROVE THE MOMENT

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

PANIC LIST FOR DISTRESS TOLERANCE

www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html