Hi

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I just joined this board for support and to give my partner support. His ex-wife is BPD with narcissistic traits... .it's been quite the challenge.

[nettieboop]

I just joined this board for support and to give my partner support. His ex-wife is BPD with narcissistic traits... .it's been quite the challenge.

[Turkish]

Hello nettieboop,



Can you tell us more about his narcissistic ex, and what you're struggling with? How old are the kids,  and what's the custody situation?

Turkish

[soundofmusicgirl]

Welcome Nettieboop. Sorry you have to be here.

Let us know how we can help. You will always find sympathy and a listening ear here.

[Panda39]

Hi nettieboop 

I wanted to join Turkish and soundofmusicgirl and welcome you too. 

There are several members here in the step-parenting role and it's amazing how much we all have in common.  This web-site is a great place to learn more about BPD, understanding what is really going on under the chaos, learning tools that can help with your interactions with the pwBPD (person with BPD) in your life, help supporting the kids and your DH (Dear Husband), and a great place to vent and get support for yourself.

Being a step-parent puts us in a unique position... .part of the family but also outside of the original family unit so we can see things from the outside which can be helpful sometimes and difficult other times.

Can you tell us how long you and your DH have been together?  How many kids and their ages?  What kinds of behaviors are you finding most challenging?

Again Welcome,
Panda39

[DreamGirl]

Welcome to the family.

  DG

[nettieboop]

Background... .

They were married 10 years. My ex has been told by their marriage counselor that she is mentally ill. She had admitted to him in the very beginning that she had never been faithful in a relationship.  During the marriage she demonstrated a lot of BPD symptoms such as rapid changes in behavior - to anger - she physically abused him a few times. Impulsive and inappropriate behavior (spending, drinking, emotional affairs.) Abandonment in childhood. Terrible relationship with parents (mother has mental health issues.) Major control issues. Issues with appearance, picking at face. He left her after he found out she'd been having an affair (a high school sweetheart that's she's still with now.) Since then has made his life hell. They have a 10 year old daughter who is constantly put in the middle of this. In the beginning (the first 10 months) after meeting me she would send him very abusive, angry messages. She's been over to his house late at night twice (drunk) when I was there - the first time yelling and screaming at him at his door - and both times let deflated 2 of my car tires. Plays control games with him and the daughter. They have 50/50 custody and is impossible to parent with her. She is most of the time ignoring his messages and when she's not sending him nasty responses - but then out of the blue send him a sweet as pie message. Told him recently that she hated me and wished I'd die, she hopes I die in a car accident. (meanwhile is still with guy she had affair with buy constantly bawling her eyes out about losing him/her ex.) He's always walking on eggshells, not knowing how she'll react to things. We went to her house to pick up the daughter and the ex FLIPPED out and came after me via my car door and started yelling at me. She would let us leave. She was in 'crazy mode'... .it was scary. Accused HIM of cheating b/c he was in a new relationship before their divorce was final, even though he'd filed in the very beginning. She spins everything. It's always on him. There's SO much more but too much to remember and write... .