Will This Ever Work?

[Echo87]

I've been seeing this man for almost a year. He was, and still occasionally is, sweet, charming, energetic and an exceptional fit to my admittedly a little crazy newly single weekend lifestyle(3 months newly single mother, the children spent weekends with their father). He was relatively open about his diagnosis of bipolar II disorder and BPD, though I'll admit I didn't exactly do my research and didn't really know what I was getting myself into. The first couple weeks were amazing, but I realize now that we were in all actuality riding the rollercoaster of a bipolar II hypomanic episode. After falling in love with this hypomanic state, the inevitable crash was was rough, little contact, he actually disappeared out of province for a couple weeks. He came back, we worked things out.
Things were relatively normal for a few months, until we hit a wall around Canada day. A misunderstanding surrounding plans I'd made with friends lead to a hugely blown out of proportion argument with accusations that I didn't care, that I was abandoning him, with threats of suicide. Terrified he'd follow follow through I left the party and we were up until 11am the next day with the same circular argument. He was inconsolable, but angry. A day later, he was apologetic, and things seemingly went back to normal.
This all repeats, every 4-6 weeks, and I'm near the end of my rope. Yet, I can't bring myself to "abandon him" as others have. I feel so much guilt, as the last time this argument arose, last week, he stated "since I'm moving at the end of the month I may as well move to ***(other city)". We currently live in my father's home and there has been arguments between the two of them. He knows I cannot move outside the city due to custody arrangements with my kids. We've discussed it and are getting our own place. Part of me almost hopes he will make the impulsive decision to cut ties and leave. I know this makes me a bad person.

[Echo87]

I figure I should clarify too that we are long past the initial "crazy single freedom" stage of things. I've settled down a lot, especially after discovering that my ex was drinking to excess while the children were under his care. After a lengthy court battle, he has limited visitation while he attends court ordered AA meetings, and I now have primary custody.
Meanwhile, I am dragging them through all this garbage as I futilely attempt to protect them from my current partner's rantings(though he very rarely does this in their presence). He however insists on my undivided attention when he is in a bipolar depressive episode and will stay in bed all day. This is where he is now. Having two young children, one school age, and one preschool who is home all day, this is obviously not feasible. This inevitably leads to a blowout, with the insistence that I don't care, am putting him on the back burner, that he isn't a priority. If I dare state that my children do of course come first, then the threats of suicide come. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Echo, It seems like you have gone from the frying pan into the fire.  No, it doesn't make you a bad person to recognize that there is something wrong with your current r/s.  Your kids, of course, are your priority, so don't allow yourself to be manipulated by the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt).  That you have to protect your kids from your current SO's ranting and raving is a red flag to me.     It seems like you are caught in the middle of a Lose/Lose situation, which is a lousy place to be.

LuckyJim

[Echo87]

Hey Echo, It seems like you have gone from the frying pan into the fire.  No, it doesn't make you a bad person to recognize that there is something wrong with your current r/s.  Your kids, of course, are your priority, so don't allow yourself to be manipulated by the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt).  That you have to protect your kids from your current SO's ranting and raving is a red flag to me.     It seems like you are caught in the middle of a Lose/Lose situation, which is a lousy place to be.

LuckyJim

Realizing that I've painted a very ugly picture of our current relationship. I've focused on a lot (okay, all) of the negatives, which although occur regularly, are not 100% of the time. Venting in a safe place I guess. This is due mostly to a peak in my own frustration level in the past few days. He would never intentionally do anything to put the children in harm's way.

A good portion of the time, he is genuinely a great person, very loving towards the kids, supportive, and caring. I suppose this is where the indecisiveness comes in to play.

Everything is good for a period of time, I've learned how to manage my own emotions (for the most part) and respond when his emotions reach an intensity he cannot control. Occasionally I simply need to walk away.

The problems start when he has a disagreement with my father (who's home we are currently live in). As far as my father is concerned, his diagnosis of BPD and the fact that his sole source of income is government assistance is a crutch, and my future with the man is going nowhere. He wants better for me and has made his views clear. This has obviously caused some friction between the three of us, and I hold onto some hope that things may change with a move. Perhaps establishing our own home will allow us to establish a routine that will allow us to navigate a better outlook.