She just ended

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Well, im new here and read a lot of the stuff here and it helped, not the amount i would have wanted... .but i understand its a process.
There is this girl in my class that is so sexy and all. She has BPD and goes to therapy... .according to her she has a deep desire to get better.
well we started talking and she is pretty narcisistic and anytime i try to tell her something about me she turns it about her. Well since im 25 years old and she is 18 i thought it would be because of her age.
We started  dating and would see each other every day because of the university.
Any time we had a fight she would always said how  she was wrong and was sorry and deep fear of losing me.
We had to take some time appart, like 2 weeks, and she would message me things like "its strange to not see you and not talk to you all day, sometimes i even forget we are together" and i would be confused since we were talking little, but still talking.
We had to spend new years  appart because  i wanted to be with my mother and she wanted to be with her family. 2 Days after  that she says everything is strange, we talk a lot have a huge fight and the next day she message me  saying she loves me and that she would give us a chance.

well, after one day she message  me out of the blue saying that we could never work things out, and that her decision was not to see me again and that we could be friends sometime in the future.

well, i went crazy, not with her but with the situation, started to send her messages begging her to not end things. Went to see her in person against her will and saw a person that was looking at me as if i was just a friend, and not even a close one. Said that she came to the conclusion she is not able to have a relationship with anyone because she gets too paranoid and that  she decided she cant be with anyone and i should just accept. Since them she doesnt talk to me and when i try to contact her she treats me like im just somebody she saw one or two times in life.

I just wanted to understand better what happened, i dont even know if i should post this here or in the detaching part since according to her there is 0 chance we would get back together.

sorry for the bad english, its not my mother language.

[noideaforname]

Well, im new here and read a lot of the stuff here and it helped, not the amount i would have wanted... .but i understand its a process.
There is this girl in my class that is so sexy and all. She has BPD and goes to therapy... .according to her she has a deep desire to get better.
well we started talking and she is pretty narcisistic and anytime i try to tell her something about me she turns it about her. Well since im 25 years old and she is 18 i thought it would be because of her age.
We started  dating and would see each other every day because of the university.
Any time we had a fight she would always said how  she was wrong and was sorry and deep fear of losing me.
We had to take some time appart, like 2 weeks, and she would message me things like "its strange to not see you and not talk to you all day, sometimes i even forget we are together" and i would be confused since we were talking little, but still talking.
We had to spend new years  appart because  i wanted to be with my mother and she wanted to be with her family. 2 Days after  that she says everything is strange, we talk a lot have a huge fight and the next day she message me  saying she loves me and that she would give us a chance.

well, after one day she message  me out of the blue saying that we could never work things out, and that her decision was not to see me again and that we could be friends sometime in the future.

well, i went crazy, not with her but with the situation, started to send her messages begging her to not end things. Went to see her in person against her will and saw a person that was looking at me as if i was just a friend, and not even a close one. Said that she came to the conclusion she is not able to have a relationship with anyone because she gets too paranoid and that  she decided she cant be with anyone and i should just accept. Since them she doesnt talk to me and when i try to contact her she treats me like im just somebody she saw one or two times in life.

I just wanted to understand better what happened, i dont even know if i should post this here or in the detaching part since according to her there is 0 chance we would get back together.

sorry for the bad english, its not my mother language.

[Meili]

Figuring out what happened can be tough, I think that everyone in the  bpdfamily has been there. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this.

Hopefully, by reading the posts here and learning about BPD you will be better able to understand. Maybe the lesson on Understanding your partner's behaviors will help get you started.

Are you ready for the relationship to be over, or do you want to try to see if it can be reborn?

[noideaforname]

i don't really know what i want anymore.
i think about her a lot, i like her a lot. But i made a lot of mistakes, like not having patience with her when she shared her crisis. But, for me it was illogical all of that because i didn't knew how a person could behavior on that way every day and repeat it every day knowing that it would hurt her and everyone.
So i was not a good person for her in that sense. But i started to love her, she just ended and said we are not made for each other.
The bad thing is that i will be obligated to see her every day in about one month.
i would like to get back together if you ask me today. But she was being so cold the only thing i could do was stop talking to her so i would stop suffering.
thanks

[Dusi2591]

@NoIdeaforaname,

I have similar circumstance's when it came to disagreements with my ex. She also claimed to want to get better and was trying to get into therapy.
I'm not sure how long you two dated. My relationship was 9months and she too did seem to talk more about Her then me it seems. Not to say She didn't ask about my life or anything.

When we split. She became really cold. She wasn't cold before then however. At least from memory. A lot of the things she said seemed to be projections because she split up with me yet, I broke her heart, Lied to her and dishonored our love. I believe her coldness was Shame and possibly guilt because She had a replacement. This replacement was a guy she had been spending time with at her weekly D&:) group. During the month or so they knew each other she started spending time with him and her other friends. I told her I wasn't really comfortable with it and she just told me I was jealous. So I dropped it because I trusted her and she seemed to not actually see it bothered me. She hasn't done anything like this in the past that I'm aware of which is why I trusted her.
 
 Anyways she broke up with me out of the blue after telling me how much I meant to her. and gave me ridiculous reasons that made no sense. and I spent around 3-4 weeks trying to get her to see reason and nothing helped she just became colder. However there were moments when it seemed like I was reaching her and she would let slip things like "If we got back together shes worried shed lose her self". From what I can piece together from information on this website and just looking in between the words is

- She was feeling Engulfed.
- A new guy that has no history is interested (She needed to explore)

She refuses to admit these things when She busy raging at me. it's just been I'm terrible I treated her terribly I didn't love her I don't know her. Typical stuff. I by no means was perfect. don't get me wrong she knew how to push my buttons and before learning (After Breakup) about how to respond to someone like her I would sometimes get mad. or give her the silent treatment until I cooled which is apparently not a good idea.

All I can say is maybe your girl has something similar.

[noideaforname]

@Dusi2591

Well, maybe thats the case... .i didn't wrote the entire history because its too long but now reading you it makes a lot of sense.

On the last weeks she was a lot more distant... .was hanging out with a lot of other friends and meeting some new people. Now that i try to recall, there were some days she would just ask things like "how do you feel about me?" and when i answered and asked why was she worried about that... .she would say that not seeing the person she is with was making her lose interest... .which i was offended by... .but i would understand her line of thought.

She said the reasons for our breakup was that we were so different... .she likes a lot of parties, and i don't... .and that she is too young and has to live and i lived a lot more experiences than her. ( this things never passed her mind, she would always say the contrary, that she was afraid that since i lived more things i would just don't see her as somebody interesting).

i was suspicious about somebody putting ideas in her head since all this happened after she went to spend sometimes with friends and all.

i guess it's not a mistery solved. but... .it makes more sense than it should.

after she broke up with me we talked in person and she was very cold,  and she is not talking to me and not worried about nothing. i asked if there was another person and of course she would deny. Friends told me she is doing a lot of stuff all day because when she stops she starts talking about depression and wants to die.

well i guess i can't do anything since according to her i have to accept the fact that she doesn't want to be with me. we have been friends for one year and had a 4 month thing that since i never asked her to be my girlfriend she said that our break up was nothing... .since we actually had nothing according to her.

i don't know how she will behave once we start seeing each other again. but a lot of the pieces makes more sense now. thanks

[Dusi2591]

@noidea

Man Oh man
"she likes a lot of parties, and i don't... .and that she is too young and has to live and i lived a lot more experiences than her."

Classic, My ex liked to party too she's young as well. I can't offer you much in terms of advice because I'm new here and I recently was cut. Maybe I'll hear from her one day I'm not sure. I wasn't perfect and I'm sure you weren't either but we cared for them and aren't bad people like she made me out to be. But I've learned to accept shes probably projecting. I still mark the Days on my calendar.

 She would never fully close any door either, She'd block then unblock, I asked her to delete her phone number off my phone when she was in a rage and refused. and would constantly say to leave her alone and give her space. So I have no choice but to give her space and heal. I'd say do the same just go into NC and read all you can on here its useful information for any relationship. Believe me NC hasnt been easy for me and I force myself to not reach out to her some days but for now I must stop myself and I'll deal with the issue at hand if she reengages or maybe I'll try months from now. I don't know. You should do the same though.