Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 24, 2024, 11:02:41 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me? (Read 358 times)
anna58
Offline
Posts: 143
My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
on:
January 15, 2017, 06:23:51 PM »
He lives with me. He is not a boyfriend but acts like one. He won't commit to being a boyfriend. We know each other well, for 6 years. He has a girlfriend in Europe. He is about to go there now for work and I expect not to see him again.
In the morning he was in a good mood and I respond to that with the same good mood and some affection-- a hug in the car or something of that nature. Then he says he is going to Europe and I realize why he is in a good mood. He says he would never abandon anyone who needs him so he will help me. (I am moving in a week.) But he isn't really helping me at all. He owes me a week of rent, wants me to have meals with him, hasn't lifted a finger to pack a box. You get the picture. It is all about him.
So, I am happy and respond to him because I feel close to him and want/need the affection. Then the reality hits me and I'm furious (not with him, but keep it to myself).
Is this normal when dealing with a uBPD? For my moods to be all over the place?
Soon enough it will be over... .one week until I move.
Thank you, lovely friends.
Logged
Grey Kitty
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 7182
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #1 on:
January 15, 2017, 06:56:04 PM »
When you are breaking up, almost breaking up, thinking about breaking up, or in some ambiguous situation where one or both of you are pretending you aren't breaking up, YES, I think it is normal and healthy for your moods to be all over the place!
Or for your moods to be all over the place 10X more than they normally are, at least!
Hang on, and take care of yourself.
Do you have anybody who can support you besides your ?not?boyfriend?
Logged
vortex of confusion
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #2 on:
January 15, 2017, 07:36:30 PM »
Being in an ambiguous place is very unsettling. I have been in that place where I was changing moods quicker than a shorted out traffic light. Living in a state of uncertainty is difficult. It is even more difficult when somebody is telling you one thing yet doing another. Ex and I had been married for 15+ years. I knew I was his wife yet things became uncertain because one day he would tell me that he loved me and wanted to work on our marriage and the next day he was chasing other women and treating me like dirt. That was very confusing. I found that I was in a really good mood in those moments when I was able to suspend disbelief. There would be brief moments when things felt normal and okay and I would relish them and be happy. Then, reality would come crashing down on me and I would get mad at myself for indulging in those happy moments of fantasy.
Hang in there!
Logged
sad but wiser
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 501
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #3 on:
January 15, 2017, 08:56:59 PM »
Hi Anna,
Yes, I'd say it is normal enough. There is grief, loss, change and even subtle rejection going on. You need reassurance, hugs... .
You seem really lovely. You deserve a real relationship with a healthy partner. I am sure that will come.
Logged
anna58
Offline
Posts: 143
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #4 on:
January 16, 2017, 12:29:52 AM »
Thank you all. How kind you are. I appreciate it, and feel less nuts:)
Vortex of Confusion--that is exactly it. What you described is it. When I am suspending disbelief I feel good. But when reality hits, it's rough.
Then, like tonight, there is the odd in-between. He is having a lot of feelings about moving--insecurity, etc. So, he wants to create a plan that involves us both. And I want to cut loose. He wants us to get a month to month place while I continue to look for an apt. But I feel like I need to resolve my housing situation myself.
I have to set a boundary with him and it feels very tough. Any suggestions?
The Situation: The owner of my apt is coming back to live in it. In one week. I had an apt to move into, but it fell through. I have no where to go. I could stay with a friend. Also, the landlord is a nice man and said he would stay with a friend for a few days. Landlord wants to help me move some of my stuff out of here (nice man). My not-really-a-boyfriend uBPD wants me to tell landlord I need another week here and that he (uBPD) has come to help me move.
I don't want uBPD here when landlord is in town. uBPD isn't supposed to be living with me. I guess I need to tell uBPD that outright. But I am afraid he will explode. He just isn't making plans to find himself a place to live.
Thanks for listening, friends.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #5 on:
January 16, 2017, 06:20:57 AM »
I'll echo what the others say. Yes... .this is 100% normal. I would also encourage you to "listen" to your feelings.
Can you take some time and do things each day to be extra kind to yourself? Take a walk (perhaps indoors if weather outside is frightful... .as it is where I live... ), take time for that extra cup of coffee and a new book, etc etc.
My hope is that you can get in the habit doing something to care for yourself when you have an unpleasant feeling/experience.
That will help your feelings stabilize, which will help you make decisions about your living situation.
What is the best living situation for you?
FF
Logged
anna58
Offline
Posts: 143
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #6 on:
January 16, 2017, 11:05:40 PM »
Thanks Formflier and sad but wiser.
I am at this minute, in my friend's house using her lovely office to get work done. And mostly to get to a neutral place with good energy. I feel so much better here.
Today, I feel fairly good about myself--no interest in him but general good will for him. I feel good that I am caring for myself by taking care of the move to my new apartment.
This is rattling him though. He seems incapable of making a decision and taking practical steps to leave. Is this a BPD thing?
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
«
Reply #7 on:
January 17, 2017, 08:25:05 AM »
Quote from: anna58 on January 16, 2017, 11:05:40 PM
He seems incapable of making a decision and taking practical steps to leave. Is this a BPD thing?
Yes... .very much a BPDish thing.
They are used to being rescued. Please don't rescue him. Believe in him... .encourage him. Let him make his choices and you make yours.
FF
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
My mood changes every day. What's going on with me?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...