Daughter diagnosed with BPD

[Bkro]

My Daughter has been diagnosed with BPD and has completely shut me out of her life and is doing the same thing to her mother. It's tearing apart our entire family. Just hoping for advice for my wife and I.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kat816]

Hi there,

How old is your daughter?  Mine is 16.  The is common as they don't want to deal with their feelings.  Find out as much as you can about this illness.  You need to be equipped with the skills to manage and talk with your daughter and you also need a support for yourself. They will say things they don't mean in anger.  Don't let tempers or anger get out of hand.  Best is to stay calm it really helps.  Leave the room when she is not approachable, let her know that you know she is upset right now and when she is calmer you would like to talk.

DBT is one thing that through all my doctors, appointments, through the Child of Mental health and hospital has told me she needs.  We are back with this program once again.  My daughter is still struggling and I hope she will really apply herself this time around.

It is exhausting and challenging on a day to day basis.  I took off work right now as my daughter had a lot of suicidal thoughts.  We had her on medication for anxiety and maybe help with depression.  6 months now and we are taking her off. I think it made the suicidal thoughts more of an issue.  I don't think there are really any drugs out there that will help with this.  I think they even make things worse. I advise not to use them unless absolutely necessary.  Review other natural products, supplements. Eating healthier, getting exercise and a routine to keep them busy.  May daughter feels alone, hates herself, self harms (cuts). She needs structure but has torn it all away, quit school, wants to work but as she waits she has nothing to do.

It something we all need to deal with and understand.  This site and there are others out there than you can read and watch about this illness and how to best understand and adapt skills to help her and you cope through the more difficult times.

I wish the best for you and your family. 

[galaxy]

Hello Bkro,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with abandonment.  I'm not sure I have any advice for you and your family.  But, I can tell you that my family is dealing with the same, painful result of BPD. Our son has had problems since he was just a child.  He's in his 40's now.  Our relationship has been tenuous for many years but we were holding on to what we had.  Now, out of the blue about 1 1/2 years ago, he told us he would not be communicating with us any longer. We have no idea what happened to cause this and it has been a very painful time for us and our two daughters.

I have read a lot about BPD over the years. One of the recent books spelled out that this happens to many families.  Now we have lost contact with our granddaughter too who is to young to keep in touch with us by herself. 

This site helped so much because everyone on it has been through the same thing.  Just knowing there are so many people out there who understand has been comforting to us. The message you will get is to use the site and all its resources and be sure to take care of yourselves.

Now you aren't alone.  There are many, many people on this site who are going through this themselves and who are more than willing to help you cope.

Take care.

Galaxy