a place to learn grace

[panhead67]

Hi,
I am posting on the conflicted or deciding because I work with my xBPD everyday. I am starting this journey of recovery and have many feelings coming up each day.
He discussed a transfer from our job, I told him gently it would be easier on my end if this was possible. He was denied the transfer. So until another job opens up for one of us, we spend about 8 hours together daily, close contact. Its been going into month 5 of his detachment from me.
I am learning on this board, and am so grateful for this support system, without it, simply don't know how i would be doing right now.
I am meditating and applying positive affirmations-in a small way to start.
I have been trying to apply radical acceptance concerning his living arrangements with a friend, who is an addict/BPD. There is both physical and verbal abuse from her , and  complete domination over him when he is unwell... this is very hard to witness. He believes this person "saves him" from going into the institution when in reality she also drives him to the edge. I know he is her enabler, and she his.
Letting go is difficult, because I care about his well being. I don't want him to be hurt, or be anyone's victim. Think he is also anorectic at this point, he can only stomach a few bites of food and basically is a bag of bones.
 The line between what is his choice, what is mental illness, and seeing what the stress of this parasitic relationship is doing to him. ... I accept I can't help him, I wish it were different, that he wasn't impulsively suicidal. If wishes were fishes... .if anyone has advice on how I can view this, on my journey, would appreciate it.

[ynwa]

Hello Panhead.

It's a lot to handle feeling for someone like your ex, while also having to handle your own feelings. It sounds like you have done good things in hand, putting your self first with meditation and affirmations.  That's great.

I want to ask to be clear, are you interested in being a friend or having the relationship continue?  Are you also trying to detach from feeling responsible from his decisions?  I know that's not easy, but remaining neutral emotionally is key in being supportive.