Household disruption

[Jkc]

As I've posted, dd18 has been alot of stress and scary stuff.

She has been trying to get a job but keeps bailing. Involved with friends but probably not good ones.

We've been picking battles and letting her leave and stay with friends just trying not to give too much $.

Tonight we saw somehow she was using my credit card. One was missing from wallet. She finally came home. Super angry. Said she doesn't have it  Finally decided that it was in her phone somehow, but doesn't have my actual card and is convinced it fell behind countertop. But clearly she spent money that wasn't hers.

It feels like she's convinced herself she's not lying.

I asked what she thinks should happen. She goes clearly I just don't get to go anywhere or spend $ or leave.

Mkay sounds good.

She has increasingly not been good at keeping her word and she often appropriates other people's stuff or borrows without asking but this is new.

She got pretty verbally confrontational. I was the one talking to her and my husband walked out and she just started calling him and asshole and saying she's not going to stay calm or talk if he's around etc, super verbally abusive. (They have a not great history and conflict easily and she blames him (us but he's the scapegoat) for everything in her life etc.

She tried to escalate with "when can I leave" etc, I'm not going to therapy then I guess etc. I just kinda kept walking away. She yelled that she can keep it up forever.

She finally stormed upstairs and slammed stuff around in her room and blasted music. Enough that her younger sister is like can I sleep in the basement. (Sure and sorry)

And she then texted she going to clean the whole house and keep everyone up etc.

She possibly has settled but I feel so powerless with her not affecting the whole house.

Just what do you do if things escalate? Call the cops? And then what? 

And my husband already has a really hard time with holidays and he is in the middle of starting a new business and everything is stressful and busy.

Younger daughter is struggling with mental health, high academic load and busy sports schedule.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Jkc
Thanks for posting – and for your previous one too. I have similar issues with my gd. DD has been diagnosed with BPD and now her daughter – who lives here too – is showing similar traits. It is a nightmare maze that one has to work through that’s for sure.

GD also keeps trying to set out in one direction – job application etc – but backs off. She just hangs out with friends – I think because BPD folk have poor sense of self (they feel better when they are hanging out with others), used my credit card to buy UberEats for friends etc.

 The reluctance to accept responsibility is part of the BPD profile in my opinion. They see  - well nearly everything – in terms of being blamed and can’t handle that so transfer the blame to others.

In my journey with DD with diagnosed BPD the only thing that helped actually was a mild antidepressant – one that focused on relieving anxiety. It didn’t solve the BPD but it raised the point at which DD was triggered. She coped so much better – was calmer and therefore was able to do more, which in turn increased her confidence.

But you guessed – yes she went off them.

I am wondering if your DD has tried any mild medication – just to get her past the ‘flight’ response of trying a part time job for example?

[Jkc]

Thanks so much for the response

And yes, she's on a ton actually and I am actually going to ask on a separate post too, but I think her meds are off. But your reply makes sense.

She's on anti depressants, mood stabilizer, and ADHD meds.

But the volatility is high