God Why everything has to be like this?

[BIRD86]

I am extremely sad I get like this every time my daughter struggle and make suicidal threats. It breaks my heart to see her like this. She’s 20 years old Not diagnosed BPD
It hurts me to hear her say she’s not happy I wish I had magic power to make this illness disappear this situation is. Try ugly to deal with. All I want is to hug her and give her all the love in the world. I wish she could see how much I love her. But unfortunately no matter what I do or say will fix this. She hates me and we can’t live together due a long history of verbal abuse and lying and manipulation. Her behavior is awful towards me and I forgive her every time and what she says to me affects me tremendously I’ve been crying for hours. My husband won’t allowed her to live with us because he refuses to watch how she treats me and how awful her behavior is towards everyone.
She doesn’t follow rules at home so eventually she has to move out. My daughter wants to come back home and is resentful towards me because I don’t wanna bend backwards for her.
I gave been very strong about setting healthy boundaries and letting her become independent and navigating life and an adult she’s been doing well with job so far but she fears to live with others people and feels so lonely. I want to be able to have a healthy relationship with her but so far we aren’t there yet. I love her dearly and my heart aches so much is hard. Why does it have to be like this honestly I don’t wish this awful paint feeling to anyone. I wish and pray someone develops a medication or something to cure this because is not fair! I pray to my God that she will heal. I feel so much Guilt is consuming me and eating me alive. So for venting and just so sad right now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[AlwaysAnxious]

 
I feel this to my core. You're not alone in this at all.

[BPDstinks]

Your situation makes me want to cry....this is the 2nd round of holidays with my daughter (pwBPD) not speaking to me, her father, her sister & her beautiful nieces) (the first year I cried nearly every day)...I feel calmer to the situation, though it is just awful and makes ZERO sense to me (I have researched BPD & still cannot understand how you can just "dispose" of people in your life, anyway!  I DO hope you find SOME peace and never doubt that you are NOT alone, in this, awful madness!

[BIRD86]

Thank you so much for your kind Words.
My daughter only speak to me when she needs something or when she’s overwhelmed.
Mostly to bring out every wrong thing I’ve done to her according to her and resent me for everything. Mostly of the stuff she speaks to me about is negative and treats me bad I’m always anxious and drop because of this.

[Manifest32f]

Hi all: I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’m experiencing something similar every moment with my unBPDd. Especially her anger and rage towards me is unbearable. I love her very much and I hope she realizes how hard it is for all of us to have to go through this behavior every second of every day, with few moments of peace and quiet. When she curses at me, it’s just so terrible to bear and if my husband says anything, he is in her s**t book too! She is a highly intelligent, successful professional, who despises me because she thinks I don’t want to fix things whatsoever it is…I try to keep my boundaries and it is always tested. I am expected to apologize repeatedly regardless of what it is and how I end up blamed for it. I am not sure what I am going to do. It’s very exhausting and I am constantly counting down to the time I can just go.
Holiday time is especially hard on all of us and please take care and stay safe and strong.

[Ourworld]

Dear Bird86,

I understand, my daughter was so embarrassed by these feelings and behaviors when they began taking over her life in her 20’s that she blocked me from all communication and certainly did not want me to see her Facebook posts.
But take heart, although I am still blocked, now at age 39 I have seen and read her LinkedIn picture and profile, and it is like night and day, she looks normal again and sounds professional and confident! She even responded in length to an email I managed to send; granted she was still accusatory and blaming, but I was happy that she even acknowledged me and took the time to write so much!

It does sadden me greatly, and a day never goes by when I don’t think and pray for her, but I have prayed that I do not obsess over something I cannot change.
It may be easier since we are no contact I suppose, but I hold onto to what Jesus said,  “In this life you will have tribulations, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” And He also told us that He cares about the broken-hearted; so He is holding you and your daughter in His hands and hopefully there will be a day when she re-connects with you again!
I pray for that day to come for all the mothers of kids with BPD.

Hugs, OurWorld

[BPDstinks]

I am very appreciative of your prayers!  I, personally, will take all of the prayers I can get!