I miss my grandbabies

[Nanaof2]

I have been dealing with this for 20 years. This is definitely the worst episode I've ever had to deal with. I have a 10 yo grandson with Cerebral palsy. He is basically an infant in a 40 pound body. He's very smart, and he and I have a special relationship. My granddaughter is 7, and is a totally normal girly girl. I'm used to seeing them 5 days out of 7. Just over a week ago, my DD snapped. (I'm sure she has a reason, but I don't know what it is) I had texted her and asked what was up, she was acting kind of weird the last couple of days. She came back with a response that put me on my a$$. It was none of my business. I'm nosey and selfish and greedy. I'm always trying to control her or manipulate her. I talk behind her back and treat her like a child. There's so much more, but I'm sure you get the picture. These episodes have happened before, and I've always made her promise me go never use the kids as pawns... never keep them from me. Well this time she did. I haven't stopped crying in 8 days. The worst part is that my 19 yo daughter is living with them because we can't afford to feed her. We are currently in a *do we pay the rent, or eat this month?* situation. She suffers from extreme anxiety, so I know this situation is affecting her deeply.
I'm so torn because I've never spent a Christmas without them. I keep telling DD that it doesn't matter how many times she shatters my heart, I'll always love her with the itty-bitty pieces that are left. But now that she's keeping my grandbabies from me at Christmas!? I'm having a very difficult time. I showed up in her driveway a couple of days ago (I'm sure I had a mental break) and she had the police come to arrest me. Not one word was exchanged between us, but she still wanted me charged with trespassing. They gave me a break and let me go home as long I promised not to contact her again.
I've always been understanding and supportive of her. I've learned over the years that when she's caught in a lie or secret, that she builds a cinderblock wall to keep the offending person out. She's run away from everything her entire life. After so many of these episodes, it was up to me to apologize for what she thinks I did. There's no talking about it. She gets her way Every. Single. Time. I had accepted that. But this? I cannot accept this. Every Christmas we bake and do crafts and sing along to silly Christmas songs. This opportunity has been taken away from us. And then I found out that she's telling the kids that I'm too busy to visit with them.
I feel like my life is over. How am I supposed to survive without them? What do I do?
Broken hearted Nanaof2

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi Nanaof2,

Iam sorry that you are also going through this and feel your pain as Iam also in the same boat.

I havent seen my Gc for the last 4 years because my udd has gone. The ast time I saw my udd I went to her home and saw that she was expecting another child. I dream about my gc and last night I dreamt that I was hugging my eldest gc and I was telling her how much she had grown and  I was asking her about  my other gc and how her mum(my udd) was doing. I  felt relieved to be reunited with my gc again. I felt so happy. Then I woke up.

When my udd was expecting first gc I had a feeling that she would use gc against me and I asked her to never do that. At the time I remember her saying that she would never ever do such a thing,....but deep down I always had that uneasy feeling that she would and over the years she has gone back on her word and kept them from me for shorter amounts of time and then re-engaged with me when things became too difficult for her.  What has changed now is that she has a live in partner and a new baby, and so I think she feels that it isnt necessary for me to be in any of their lives anymore.

I will never come to terms with the grounds of this estrangement as it just seems so un-natural and extreme in every sense of the word. My udd sees her children as an extension of herself  so if she doesnt want me in her life then Iam not allowed in gc's lives either.

I know that it is difficult especially at this time of year but I found what helps is to take each day at a time. It is also ok to have down days to grieve the loss. Occasionally I also write letters to my gc where . I never post them but they are there for the time when we are hopefully reunited. Also never give up hope

[js friend]

My post cut off too short.

I wanted to add......

and to never give up hope because we can never know what is the round the corner.

Everyday for me brings new hope. I remain hopeful that things may change. It is also important to look after your wellbeing as the stress of  our estrangements from our gc can often  take a toll on us.

[TiredSis56]

I’m so sorry.  I have six grandchildren that I absolutely love with all my heart.  The four oldest are my oldest son’s kids.  The two youngest are my middle son’s.  I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with the younger two’s mother out of fear of being cut off from them so I feel your pain. That DIL has cut off all of her family as well as my older son and his family.  It’s heartbreaking .  I’m just starting this journey so I don’t have any tips to offer.  It’s so sad when kids are put in the middle of a conflict.