Moodiness, accusations and concerns

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In some things, things have been better with H lately. No big blowups in weeks. But he’s been moody. Passive aggressive. Negative about things in a way that starts working my last nerve.

Today, he seemed fine this morning. Then he left to take SS13 to his bowling league. They had a pizza party and H called to ask if I wanted him to pick up something for us for lunch. I was in the middle of dealing with three things, so I was a bit distracted, but said I was fine with that if he wanted to. We ended up deciding to just make salads here, as we’re having fun snacks and dinner later.

Well, he got home and was obviously in a mood. From things he said, it quickly became clear that he was annoyed/disappointed we hadn’t gotten a fun lunch. I told him he could have been more direct and just said “I want to do this” instead of being noncommittal and then getting annoyed with me for not making the right choice.

Then he kept talking about how we haven’t made time to go drive around looking at Christmas lights. There’s barely time left. I said we still have three days before Christmas. How about we go Monday? Shrugs and silence.

Next, he tells me how last night I was obviously pushing to go home while he was having fun. We went to a drive-through light display (we go every year) and to dinner with two of his best friends we haven’t seen in a while. It was fun. But I’m dealing with a horrible crick in my neck and by the time dinner was over, I was worn out after not sleeping well the previous night and then working all day. I was participating in the conversation and enjoying myself despite my discomfort. But the conversation was lagging and I was really fading.

I get where he’s coming from. He accuses me of being more irritable lately and maybe that’s true. I’ve struggled with one health issue after another all year. My hormones are a bit off. Work has been extra-stressful and, thanks to my boss getting a new job and a coworker out on maternity, I have less ability to take a break.

But I honestly think it’s not all me.

We’re supposed to do our own early Christmas celebration today (SS is with Ex on the holiday itself), but now I’m concerned it will be a moody, tense night. Plus, we’re supposed to have Christmas Day brunch with my family. He’s made numerous negative or passive aggressive remarks. I know he doesn’t enjoy my family gatherings. But he also says he wants more of a connection with them. And if I go without him, he’ll be impossible.

Between my health and work issues, anniversary of my grandmother’s death I just feel like I don’t know how much more I can tolerate.

[Ozzie101]

In some things, things have been better with H lately. No big blowups in weeks. But he’s been moody. Passive aggressive. Negative about things in a way that starts working my last nerve.

Today, he seemed fine this morning. Then he left to take SS13 to his bowling league. They had a pizza party and H called to ask if I wanted him to pick up something for us for lunch. I was in the middle of dealing with three things, so I was a bit distracted, but said I was fine with that if he wanted to. We ended up deciding to just make salads here, as we’re having fun snacks and dinner later.

Well, he got home and was obviously in a mood. From things he said, it quickly became clear that he was annoyed/disappointed we hadn’t gotten a fun lunch. I told him he could have been more direct and just said “I want to do this” instead of being noncommittal and then getting annoyed with me for not making the right choice.

Then he kept talking about how we haven’t made time to go drive around looking at Christmas lights. There’s barely time left. I said we still have three days before Christmas. How about we go Monday? Shrugs and silence.

Next, he tells me how last night I was obviously pushing to go home while he was having fun. We went to a drive-through light display (we go every year) and to dinner with two of his best friends we haven’t seen in a while. It was fun. But I’m dealing with a horrible crick in my neck and by the time dinner was over, I was worn out after not sleeping well the previous night and then working all day. I was participating in the conversation and enjoying myself despite my discomfort. But the conversation was lagging and I was really fading.

I get where he’s coming from. He accuses me of being more irritable lately and maybe that’s true. I’ve struggled with one health issue after another all year. My hormones are a bit off. Work has been extra-stressful and, thanks to my boss getting a new job and a coworker out on maternity, I have less ability to take a break.

But I honestly think it’s not all me.

We’re supposed to do our own early Christmas celebration today (SS is with Ex on the holiday itself), but now I’m concerned it will be a moody, tense night. Plus, we’re supposed to have Christmas Day brunch with my family. He’s made numerous negative or passive aggressive remarks. I know he doesn’t enjoy my family gatherings. But he also says he wants more of a connection with them. And if I go without him, he’ll be impossible.

Between my health and work issues, anniversary of my grandmother’s death I just feel like I don’t know how much more I can tolerate.

[townhouse]

Ozzie 101, I totally understand what you are saying particularly about the Christmas family get together. My H previously said he was coming to my family for Christmas dinner but he’s gone off on me twice since then so I don’t even know if he’s coming or not. I am too scared to ask him as I fear it will set him off again.

He knows one of my relatives is coming from overseas and I think he is curious to talk to him so I’ll just have to see what happens on Christmas Day…if he joins me in the short drive to my eldest sons.

Total silent treatment in this house at the moment. What a way to live!!!