Projecting abandonment even after the relationship is over

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

After my girlfriend of nearly two years began the devaluing stage of our relationship, i stuck around 4 months which was utter torture (threats of abandonment, contradictions, insults, gaslighting, lying, mood swings, emotional reasoning, circular arguments) until we ended everything in november. I dont know if you can say it was mutual or she broke with me or me with her. If it was I who ended it, it was only because of her constant insults and meanness towards me.

I began no contact about a month after we broke up. Since then she has contacted me 3x, once to tell me she used my business cc to pay her phone bill... of which she only admitted to once and of course i found a second time she had done it. The second time it was to tell me her mother died and use me as an emotional tampon. I hung up on her 10 minutes into the conversation because she was sucking me into the torture of another circular argument where she uses emotional reasoning to inflict emotional abuse. Then last sunday she showed up at a party she knew i was going to be at and made a big scene and stormed off. She made me  chase her to the parking lot so she could put herself in a position of power. She constantly uses threats of leaving to manipulate me. She also says shes moving to florida.

She looks like a wreck, she was already thin and lost a bunch of weight, now she looks anorexic. I felt bad for her so i let her take an emotional dump on me yet again. During these dumps she likes to threaten abandonment and remin me how we arent meant for eachother to try to take a stab at me like shes above me... i keep my cool and dont respond but it really hurts everytime she does this. I still love her alot and i think if she can just hit the bottom things will change. There has to be a reason she keeps trying to find ways to talk to me. Clearly if she is getting so emotional when she sees me there is still something there. Has anyone ever seen their ex wBPD hit rock bottom or enact these type of strategies... I just dont understand what her endgame. I really hope at somepoint she realizes shes in control of all this and tries to fix herself to be with me again.

[alwayswrong4]

After my girlfriend of nearly two years began the devaluing stage of our relationship, i stuck around 4 months which was utter torture (threats of abandonment, contradictions, insults, gaslighting, lying, mood swings, emotional reasoning, circular arguments) until we ended everything in november. I dont know if you can say it was mutual or she broke with me or me with her. If it was I who ended it, it was only because of her constant insults and meanness towards me.

I began no contact about a month after we broke up. Since then she has contacted me 3x, once to tell me she used my business cc to pay her phone bill... of which she only admitted to once and of course i found a second time she had done it. The second time it was to tell me her mother died and use me as an emotional tampon. I hung up on her 10 minutes into the conversation because she was sucking me into the torture of another circular argument where she uses emotional reasoning to inflict emotional abuse. Then last sunday she showed up at a party she knew i was going to be at and made a big scene and stormed off. She made me  chase her to the parking lot so she could put herself in a position of power. She constantly uses threats of leaving to manipulate me. She also says shes moving to florida.

She looks like a wreck, she was already thin and lost a bunch of weight, now she looks anorexic. I felt bad for her so i let her take an emotional dump on me yet again. During these dumps she likes to threaten abandonment and remin me how we arent meant for eachother to try to take a stab at me like shes above me... i keep my cool and dont respond but it really hurts everytime she does this. I still love her alot and i think if she can just hit the bottom things will change. There has to be a reason she keeps trying to find ways to talk to me. Clearly if she is getting so emotional when she sees me there is still something there. Has anyone ever seen their ex wBPD hit rock bottom or enact these type of strategies... I just dont understand what her endgame. I really hope at somepoint she realizes shes in control of all this and tries to fix herself to be with me again.

[blueblue12]

Hey always wrong!
Well I just finished a ten year relationship and I can understand the game and the style in which it is imposed. I am in NC for a month now and I am dreading the day I will see her again as I know she will try and pull something like what has happened to you, which I have endure in the past, where suddenly she comes in says something and walks off and then you are stuck with the problem and she has the power back! And you have to chase her or call her or text her while she acts badly! Such a bad game which alters where you were at. My ex also lost heaps of weight, she was already skinny, she actually lost her curves, it kind of looked anorexic to me as well. I am not sure if all the end games are the same but they in generalising they often have to keep you around somewhere... .I have been extremely calm on my own and in peace, also relieved after the last year which was basically torture! She has also passed on messages (tasks for me to do) via other people including family and has said she is going to move far away. Right now of course I feel sad about the ending of what at times was a wonderful relationship, but often and specially in the last few years while she was going through devaluation and discardment in her head a terrible ordeal. The problem I didn't know anything about BPD until a few months ago! Wish you all the best, be strong and read lots of great stuff in this forum. We all need to heal, it is sad as we do love these people but it's all wrong and cruel and it doesn't work!