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One part of me LOVES the affection and attention I get from my partner w/ BPD. It's intoxicating and when it's gone I deeply miss it.
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Have you picked up patterns of behavior from her, where she alternatively withholds or showers you with this affection and attention? That's apparently how these things go: learned behavior (perhaps even subconscious) from the pwBPD on how to control their partner and others in their lives.
You get the carrot initially (lovebombing, reassurance, etc.), followed by the stick (withdrawal of the love and affection in response to some slight, real or perceived), and then a lot of vague "rules" or "hints" from the pwBPD that you're expected to pursue in order to get it back.
A lot of us fall into the trap...
I meant to respond to your other thread as well, about how you're struggling to find a reason to leave, because she hasn't done anything that hands you a reason to do so. I think you need to realize that it's okay to simply end a relationship, period, for no reason. You're not married to her.
I know it's not easy to deliver that news to someone, and most people avoid it if they can (why ghosting is so prevalent).
I think when people have some co-dependent traits or basis for being in a relationship with a pwBPD, they struggle to identify their own needs and wants, and assert them, instead hoping the pwBPD will give them an out, or "agree" to divorce or separate. But of course a pwBPD is never going to do that. It's up to the non to open the proverbial door and leave. Maybe the Non needs to realize that's a possibility first.
