>BPD DD is a terrible driver and I'm exhausted with cars/insurance/threats

[Sammy Jo]

DD with BPD who is 22 has now had four at-fault wrecks in 15 months. She totaled her car last week, and miraculously walked away unscathed. We got her off our insurance last year, but have been helping her with payments

Torn between this: Do we buy her another cheaper car so she can continue school and work? Where we live has limited public transportation. I do not feel like she is safe behind the wheel.

Looking for what others have learned and/or done.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[CC43]

Hi Sammy,

Since she’s 22, I’d say let her figure out how to buy a new car. In the interim it would probably be safer and cheaper to use Uber. She could try to join a car pool—someone else could drive and she could chip in for gas. Or she could try to find an apartment that’s closer to her school and/or job. Maybe the reverse would work—find a job closer to her residence and take some classes online. Owning a car is a huge responsibility and she might not be ready for that right now. That’s OK. There are multiple possible alternatives that she could explore. If you want to support her, you might help her think through some options.

[Pook075]

My 26 year old BPD kid has totaled six vehicles and allowed another one to be repo'd that was in my name.  So it took me seven instances before I finally had the courage to say, "No more!"

Let her figure out the transportation problem- it's not on you and she's not owed anything.  As long as you present yourself as part of the solution, you are inadvertently part of the problem as well.  She has to be responsible and fix this herself.

[Sammy Jo]

Thank you both for very helpful information. I particularly liked how being part of the solution actually makes us part of the problem.