Adult daughter diagnosed as bipolar but it’s more like BPD

[HSPmom2]

Hello
I was completely blindsided by my 28 year old daughter. I thought her teenage issues were over and only teenage rebellion. I was wrong! For years I was getting signs of her behavior towards me was not what I thought it was. My daughter would only tell me negative things that others would say about me, she’d only call when her husband, dad(my ex), or her stepdaughter would treat her bad. I’d give her advice and just listen to be supportive(so I thought). Over time I realized my daughter was creating drama between me and these people. Comments would be made that didn’t make sense, so I started to see that she created this false image of me to everyone. She was the victim and I was the monster. She lied, manipulated, stole, gaslighted, and created drama as a teenager but I thought she grew out of it, after she had my only grandchild she experienced severe postpartum depression and these traits from her past worsened. Her husband and his daughter treats me like I’m the monster. She constantly gaslights me calling me crazy. She never had a relationship with her dad until now. He’s very toxic for her, borrows money and will move in with her & her husband when his current girlfriend kicks him out. She now has him on a pedestal! I recently caught her in a terrible lie and this is when everything turned for the worst. She claimed I made everything up to make it look like she was lying. Of course her husband and her dad believe her. She started crying and having a meltdown saying she has mental issues and that’s why she said things that appeared to be lies and I’m a terrible mom for not acknowledging this. I now have to walk on eggshells because one thing I say can be misunderstood or misinterpreted.I can’t handle her lies, manipulation, lack of respect. I always showed her love even when she was acting out as a teenager. I think she resents me for being tough on her during her teenage years, but I was scared as she was showing signs of of drug addiction. She ghosts me and will put wonderful social media posts about how great her dad and husband are to her, but she seems to forget how she had told me she wanted to divorce her husband and how she can’t deal with her dad’s problems. I’m lost and tired of trying to prove to her I love her and always have.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ForeverDad]

When I first joined here, about two decades ago, it was often expressed that BPD hadn't been covered by insurance since it was assumed to be untreatable for so many years.  So many who had BPD were often diagnosed as having Bi-polar because it was covered by insurance.  Now that DBT and CBT (Dialectical or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) are well recognized these days, insurance probably is more likely to cover BPD.

Though the behaviors may be similar, they are different.  Bi-polar is more of a chemical or hormone imbalance and so drugs can be quite helpful.  BPD is best addressed with long term therapy, though including drugs may moderate some of the symptoms.

However, getting the patient to start - and continue - therapy may still be difficult since their Denial and Blame Shifting levels are so high.

If DBT/CBT are mentioned as part of the regimen, then probably your daughter is getting meaningful help and guidance.