Nandayo
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 2
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« on: April 15, 2025, 08:02:41 PM » |
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Hey, my gfwBPD recently broke up with me after a 6/8-month relationship. Reading stories here helped me to process the breakup. First off, english is not my native language. I hope it wont be too hard to read with my low-level english skills.
We started getting to know each other a year ago online on an online gaming/social platform with voice chats and texting servers. She lives around 350km away from me. So we didn't see each other that much, but when we did she stayed for like 2 weeks (side note: because of health reasons, I couldn't visit her). She made the first move and tried to get my attention to play games with her or just spend time in general. I don't want to go too deep since I guess it was pretty much the standard honeymoon phase that you experience with someone that has BPD. In short, it was magic and she made me feel I found the "one". My knowledge about BPD was pretty shallow. I asked her to explain BPD to me, but she couldn't really say much. So I only knew stuff I searched online, but tbh I didn't go deep into it (so I had no info about how pwBPD act in a relationship). I didn't care too much since everything was perfect. She passively isolated me from all my friends, we spent 24/7 time together for nearly half a year. She got jealous super easily, even of my male friends, and made me have no contact to other girls unless they were friends of her too. She never wanted to share me with another person and when she was outside with friends, she wanted my attention and got mad when I did not text a lot with her while she was gone. I tried to explain to her that we spend so much time together that I'm happy when I can focus on my friends for once and that I don't want to have to text her every 10 minutes. She never could understand me, that I feel that way or that I want to spend time with others too. I wish I would have researched more about BPD because I always thought she is just an extremely clingy person and when I communicate it with her, she would understand that we can't spend every second together. But yeah, it got better with time, but in the end I think it still triggered her all the time, but she stopped complaining about it to me since she was scared I would get mad. Like I said, everything was perfect in my eyes. After 5 months, she started to spend time with others, which was surprising since she was with me 24/7 before. I was happy that she had some new friends so I could have some time for myself, because sitting on each other every day for 5 months gets boring. There is nothing new to talk about since we both spend most of our time at home and at one point you played every game together and it gets tough to find new things to do. The week after she visited me for planned 14 days over christmas, new years and her birthday. In the end she wanted to leave earlier since she was exhausted after visiting her family for christmas and then went straight to me. She needed some time at home and she would be happy to take me with her, she just wanted to be at home. I was kind of sad since she always wanted to stay as long as she could and now she wants to leave early? I'm a bit of an overthinker, so I got scared she was thinking of breaking up, but she promised everything was fine and she just needed time at home. So she went home early after new years and the week after was rough. We had a fight because of friends, she spent less time with me and I behaved like an ass on her birthday because of the fight we had. The days after, we spent nearly no time together since her sleep schedule was completely off. She played games with her new friends all night and slept till evening. I knew something was wrong and wanted to talk to her the next day, but it was too late. She broke up with me. It was a basic text that she thinks it's better that we focus on ourselves, she would like to stay friends and maybe she will regret the breakup. I tried to talk to her, but she blocked off and said she couldn't talk, she wouldn't be able to get a single word out. It took one week till she was ready to talk, but only with a friend of ours within the call and she even had a female friend at home by her side. I tried to make good arguments on how we could handle the relationship better. For example, I will try to visit her so she doesnt have to worry about always coming to me. And said stuff on what we should work on. She didn't say much, so in the end I still didnt really know why she did break up. In the end I begged her to give us a second chance, but she could not say anything, so I gave her more time to think about it. Three days later we talked alone and she said we can stay in touch and she hopes that we can get back together one day, but for now she wants to focus on herself.
That was fine by me, but 2 weeks later we spent a lot of time together again. Then she got jealous because I had a new female friend I talked to. The new girl got very flirty with me. After that she was 24/7 back to spending time with me. I'm pretty sure she was scared of losing me to another girl that's why she was super clingy again. I had to block the new girl because she said "She doesn't want anyone to be in our path" so we can get back together one day. She always said she doesn't want a relationship atm, but we kind of went back to how it was before the breakup. Everything was great again, it felt like a second honeymoon phase for a month. Like I said, we weren't officially together, but we behaved like we were. It was kind of weird, since I wasn't sure what we are now. Well, then after a month, something happened. I found out that she had sex with someone 3 days after the breakup and got closer than I thought with a guy that kind of replaced me after the breakup. It was a hard day, and I was super angry, but in the end I forgave her everything and I said I don't care about something that happened after our relationship. I mean, she didn't cheat on me and at the point she did it, we never talked about a second chance or anything. My dream to be with her again was bigger. Then, even before I found that stuff out, she met new friends and I got kind of jealous because of one guy. He flirted with her onesidedly (I don't know what happened in the calls with him, I just know the stuff I saw him texting on a public server), but she always said he was just joking, that's how he is and he does it with every girl on the server. She said I should not be worried, she doesn't want a relationship right now, so she won't get together with him. Then one night she lied to me that she was going to bed, but the next day I found out that she played with him all night. Her excuse was that she was scared to tell me since I would get jealous, especially after the stuff I found out. Well, 4 days later she "broke up" again. I saw it coming since her texts got colder. I wanted to talk with her and clear up the things that happened the last few days. But she blocked off and left me on read for hours. Her excuse was she can't have a conversation "like that" atm. Finally, after I got a bit mad for leaving me in the dark, she started telling me she couldn't be with me anymore. She said she feels my insecurity in trust, that she doesn't feel well with me after I found out the stuff that happened after our breakup and that we spend way too much time together again. Even though I always said I didn't mind if she spent time with other people, she always said she would feel bad leaving me alone... I never understood how I could make it clear to her that I'm completely fine with her spending time with others. I am a guy that doesn't mind having time for myself alone. She, on the other hand, can't be alone. She always needs someone to do something with her, maybe that's why she couldn't understand that I like to have time for myself ? I mean, it is absolutely healthy for a relationship to not be together all the time. Well, this time I gave up and didn't fight for her like I did after the first breakup.
She still said she will take time to focus on herself and take time before she looks for another relationship. We had contact for 2 more days, but then she said she wants no contact for now. (After all assume it was because of her new boyfriend. I mean, it's understandable that he doesn't want her to have contact with her ex.) I accepted it even if it hurts like hell to not have her in my life anymore. I mean, what else could I do other than respect her decision? Oh well, 1 week after she already met that guy I was jealous over. They live kind of close, so it was easy to meet. And a few days after, her status was "taken". I tried to keep it short without going too much into detail, otherwise this text would have gone on forever. But if anyone has a question, feel free to ask. I'm happy to talk about it, it helps me to process the breakup easier.
It's been a month now since no contact. The second breakup wasn't as hard as the first. I was kind of fine and not that mentally destroyed like the first time when I couldn't sleep or eat normally. I still think about her 24/7 and I can't stop. The breakup itself is hard enough already, but the feeling of getting replaced within a week kills me inside. They can see eachother every day, which I wish I could have too. The feeling that she is happy with another guy ... it's the worst pain I ever felt. I had no time to heal from the breakup, and she already replaced me... I try to inform myself as much as I can about BPD to understand the way she acts. I read a lot of stories here, which help me to see similarities so I don't feel alone with the pain I'm having right now. Sure. It was a short relationship of only 6/8 months, but it hurts more than my last one of 2 years.
On our last call we had before no contact, I told her I hope we can have a real second chance one day, even if she finds a new guy in the meantime. I don't feel what we had was a second try, we kind of just kept going after a break without working on ourselves. And even after she lied to me about the new guy, because I'm pretty sure she already tried to get him to like her before we broke up the second time, I wish nothing more than for her to come back to me...when I have recovered fully from my surgery and I'm back to being a person that has a normal life with a job. Sure, she treated me not ideally after the breakup, and all my friends will tell me I will find someone better and I should never give her another chance, but they don't know how she made me feel while we were together. She was the most loving and caring person. She accepted all my flaws...she never treated me badly. I'm still convinced it was real love, at least I hope so after reading all the stuff here on the forum. I don't think any of my friends that don't know about BPD will understand how I feel. Right now I try to work on myself. I started to go to the gym. Mostly to feel better about myself and get my self-esteem back and to distract myself from the fact that she is gone. And I hope if she doesn't come back, that I can detach from her one day. I'm kind of scared that even if I find someone new, my standard for getting loved is now so high since I got idolized by her that much that a "normal" relationship won't satisfy my need for love now. And will feel less worthy and make myself overthink if it's real love. Hope I worded that well enough to understand what I mean.
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